Why am I even here?
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: southern IN
Posts: 121
Having someone post their own story and being able to relate and no longer feel alone has been a huge support to me personally. I come from a family where no one has been through anything similiar and all of my friends are successful and well adjusted, so I feel very alone at times. Even though I see the addiction process every day at work, it is like having a warm blanket wrapped around me every time I come on here and read the support and encouragement of someone who truly knows what I am going through and has been through it as well.
So, keep the stories coming! At my lowest point in dealing with my STBXAH it wasn't encouraging words that pulled me through. It was reading responses on here from women who had been through similiar and were still here, standing tall and strong, talking about it. Your stories show that there is light at the end of the tunnel and THAT is the inspiration needed. Wisdom comes from experiencing and living a situation and learning a healthy way to pull through and grow as a human being. None of us are alone here. Many have passed through the hell of addiction before us and their stories are what will show us the path and help us navigate through.
So, keep the stories coming! At my lowest point in dealing with my STBXAH it wasn't encouraging words that pulled me through. It was reading responses on here from women who had been through similiar and were still here, standing tall and strong, talking about it. Your stories show that there is light at the end of the tunnel and THAT is the inspiration needed. Wisdom comes from experiencing and living a situation and learning a healthy way to pull through and grow as a human being. None of us are alone here. Many have passed through the hell of addiction before us and their stories are what will show us the path and help us navigate through.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Right here, right now!
Posts: 3,424
Amy-
Thanks for asking this question. I have wondered it myself also, but for different reasons.
I have thought of this forum as similar to Al-Anon where I share my ESH, and try not to give advice for example.
What is different is I also see people here will to give their opinion and comment on others situation....and that there can be a lot of value in that too. I don't particularly excel at that part though, so I try not to do it.
I am personally here because I lived, loved and left a man in the functional stages of his addiction. What actually got me over the bandaid of denial that I was living with an alcoholic was my own recovery from an eating disorder and the fact that I found out about an affair he had.
I am grateful; not only for the fact that I did not have physical abuse in my relationship, but that you are brave enough to share your stories with others who are experiencing a similar piece in their relationship. You can offer this piece, one I don't pretend to understand and cannot appreciate to the fullest, and I in turn might be able to offer another part. I have tried recently to be more intentional in what I respond to for this very reason....
By offering our pieces I hope to help another, but telling my story also helps me. Who could ask for a better win/win situation?
Thanks for asking this question. I have wondered it myself also, but for different reasons.
I have thought of this forum as similar to Al-Anon where I share my ESH, and try not to give advice for example.
What is different is I also see people here will to give their opinion and comment on others situation....and that there can be a lot of value in that too. I don't particularly excel at that part though, so I try not to do it.
I am personally here because I lived, loved and left a man in the functional stages of his addiction. What actually got me over the bandaid of denial that I was living with an alcoholic was my own recovery from an eating disorder and the fact that I found out about an affair he had.
I am grateful; not only for the fact that I did not have physical abuse in my relationship, but that you are brave enough to share your stories with others who are experiencing a similar piece in their relationship. You can offer this piece, one I don't pretend to understand and cannot appreciate to the fullest, and I in turn might be able to offer another part. I have tried recently to be more intentional in what I respond to for this very reason....
By offering our pieces I hope to help another, but telling my story also helps me. Who could ask for a better win/win situation?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Pa
Posts: 4,872
I'm sorry that I was gone for so long and did not respond to all of the responses. I do thank you all from the bottom of my heart.
I got a call the next day to come from my friends to come up and see them for a few days and I just jumped right on it.
Went to a fine arts festival, it was just really nice to appreciate the artistic abilities of people, I just had to keep remembering, I am on a budget now, maybe next year I can afford those beautiful $40. earrings, but not this year. To see the children running around and having a good time, and the bands that they had, and the food there, it was just great. Guess what, no alcohol was served !!!!!!!
Then went back to friends house, and their son is autistic, and if anyone here really understands autism, (it's like they live in their own world and everything is me, me), well he went to walmart, and saw a shirt, and said, Ann Marie would really like this, and it was inexpensive, so his mom let him spend his money on it to buy it for me, (note, this person does not spend his money for anyone except him) and it was so special, something that I really do love. He bought me a t shirt with wolves on it. I have a log cabin, and have it decorated with mostly wolves and other wild life.
So wow, I do feel good today, and appreciated, and loved.
And whatever did happen to me in life, well, I guess just, oh well.
Guess just a little part of how things can and will get better.
But back to original topic ----
I do try to gain confidence. When I had joined previous forums, my sitch was horrific. I was told to run numerous times. I even went to retreats with the some of the members. They saw my scars, saw the black and blue, and I still thought that I was special, that I could handle it. I had many members ready to get a u-haul for me, and drive it themselves to get me out, but I still didn't believe it was that bad.
I had to do it myself. I know that he could have killed me many times, I actually had wished that he did. By the time I got like this, my children were no longer home, they were in college.
I snapped one day and just kept driving. Don't even remember what I was thinking about when I was driving. Just remember arriving at a friends house 1 1/2 hours later and she just asked, do you need some tea?
I got a call the next day to come from my friends to come up and see them for a few days and I just jumped right on it.
Went to a fine arts festival, it was just really nice to appreciate the artistic abilities of people, I just had to keep remembering, I am on a budget now, maybe next year I can afford those beautiful $40. earrings, but not this year. To see the children running around and having a good time, and the bands that they had, and the food there, it was just great. Guess what, no alcohol was served !!!!!!!
Then went back to friends house, and their son is autistic, and if anyone here really understands autism, (it's like they live in their own world and everything is me, me), well he went to walmart, and saw a shirt, and said, Ann Marie would really like this, and it was inexpensive, so his mom let him spend his money on it to buy it for me, (note, this person does not spend his money for anyone except him) and it was so special, something that I really do love. He bought me a t shirt with wolves on it. I have a log cabin, and have it decorated with mostly wolves and other wild life.
So wow, I do feel good today, and appreciated, and loved.
And whatever did happen to me in life, well, I guess just, oh well.
Guess just a little part of how things can and will get better.
But back to original topic ----
I do try to gain confidence. When I had joined previous forums, my sitch was horrific. I was told to run numerous times. I even went to retreats with the some of the members. They saw my scars, saw the black and blue, and I still thought that I was special, that I could handle it. I had many members ready to get a u-haul for me, and drive it themselves to get me out, but I still didn't believe it was that bad.
I had to do it myself. I know that he could have killed me many times, I actually had wished that he did. By the time I got like this, my children were no longer home, they were in college.
I snapped one day and just kept driving. Don't even remember what I was thinking about when I was driving. Just remember arriving at a friends house 1 1/2 hours later and she just asked, do you need some tea?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Pa
Posts: 4,872
Originally Posted by Lily1918 
oh wow!! my son has autism. I can relate. That is an AMAZING gesture from him. what a wonderful thing to experience!!!
When his mom called and invited me over she told me that Gerard bought something for me, with his own money, that he was the one that spotted it, and he said that it is sooooooo what I would like.
That was a real breakthrough for him, we all had tears in our eyes when he so proudly gave it to me. It was definitely a "hallmark moment".
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Anchorage, Alaska
Posts: 4,719
Originally Posted by amy55
Thanks Lily, it was an amazing thing. His parents really could not believe that he would actually spend money for something for me, and be inciteful enough to know what I would actually like. I will cherish that t shirt forever.
When his mom called and invited me over she told me that Gerard bought something for me, with his own money, that he was the one that spotted it, and he said that it is sooooooo what I would like.
That was a real breakthrough for him, we all had tears in our eyes when he so proudly gave it to me. It was definitely a "hallmark moment".
When his mom called and invited me over she told me that Gerard bought something for me, with his own money, that he was the one that spotted it, and he said that it is sooooooo what I would like.
That was a real breakthrough for him, we all had tears in our eyes when he so proudly gave it to me. It was definitely a "hallmark moment".
I hope it shows you just how much you are worth to others!
And we all love you here, too!
~T
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Waterford MI
Posts: 4,202
Amy, it is like Gerard felt the shine from your heart and responded to that.
Amazing.
Thank you for sharing this story.
Cause for me, this is what the miracle of recovery is about.
Our shining hearts, all of us, in our different ways.
LifeRecovery,
I do not know about eating disorders, only what I have seen on Intervention.
What I did relate to was what we do to ourselves
to torture our minds and our bodies,
because somewhere along the line we did not get the memo.
The memo from our HP that said, "you deserve every good thing in life, you deserve art fairs and t shirts every day. you are a miracle in every way."
I am grateful you are here LifeRecovery.
I am learning from all of you, those of you who post your stories, and the glorious recovery from it all.
Letting all of us who read know it is possible.
"If that person can do it, and did do it, so can I."
I went to a meeting tonight, it was a good AA meeting. I go to meetings with a little more strength than before and a lot more willingness to share.
I am so grateful for SR for teaching me that it is in the sharing of our stories that we can share in our recoveries.
I am like you, you are like me, and together we can do it.
Beth>> one grateful recovering person today.
Amazing.
Thank you for sharing this story.
Cause for me, this is what the miracle of recovery is about.
Our shining hearts, all of us, in our different ways.
What actually got me over the band-aid of denial that I was living with an alcoholic was my own recovery from an eating disorder and the fact that I found out about an affair he had.
I do not know about eating disorders, only what I have seen on Intervention.
What I did relate to was what we do to ourselves
to torture our minds and our bodies,
because somewhere along the line we did not get the memo.
The memo from our HP that said, "you deserve every good thing in life, you deserve art fairs and t shirts every day. you are a miracle in every way."
I am grateful you are here LifeRecovery.
I am learning from all of you, those of you who post your stories, and the glorious recovery from it all.
Letting all of us who read know it is possible.
"If that person can do it, and did do it, so can I."
I went to a meeting tonight, it was a good AA meeting. I go to meetings with a little more strength than before and a lot more willingness to share.
I am so grateful for SR for teaching me that it is in the sharing of our stories that we can share in our recoveries.
I am like you, you are like me, and together we can do it.
Beth>> one grateful recovering person today.
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
Keep posting, Amy! The most powerful aspect of this forum, imho, is reading the stories of others.
For me, it shows me that I am not alone in how I feel and what I have experienced. It also gives me the strength to continue in my own recovery!
For me, it shows me that I am not alone in how I feel and what I have experienced. It also gives me the strength to continue in my own recovery!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Waterford MI
Posts: 4,202
Originally Posted by DesertEyes
Wonderful thread, you all want me to make it a sticky?
Mike
Mike
What a fantastic idea.
I go back and read the stickies, and they are so good, every reading I learn something.
Beth
Last edited by wicked; 05-19-2013 at 08:27 AM. Reason: had to add "you rock"
Life Health Prosperity
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Louisana
Posts: 6,752
Amy, you are FANTASTIC. Yes, absolutely, yes, it works. I read a lot more threads than I respond to. The vast experience that is here helps me in ways that I don't get from F/F meetings. As an example, a member related the fact they wanted to drink because thier spouse had some booze in the frig. Even though I single now, that will probably change, and a drinking spouse and her family is something I'll have to contend with. Thanks for the thread Amy and I'll be waitin for the next one. 
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Pa
Posts: 4,872
I don't know what to say. Imagine that, me speechless !!!!!! I was actually embarrassed after I started this thread. At the time that I did I was having "a moment".
Was feeling very unsure of myself, or if I might actually be helpful, or if my posts seemed like I was trying to draw attention to me, and took away from the original poster. Was afraid that by posting my stories was trying to make it about, me, me, me and more about me.
Like I said somewhere on here, I belonged to an abuse forum, and I became too embarrassed to post on there. The members there were growing, they were listening to advice, they were doing things to change their life's, and I remained stagnant. I still went to that forum, was even active there, but mostly just for a "Happy Birthday", or a congrats. I no longer posted about my marriage.
It had taken me so long to finally open up about what I was going through, then I shut down again. Thought I was just aggravating people on the forum because I still stayed, luckily I didn't cut all ties. I had one friend from the forum that I had telephone contact with, and another friend, (the one who eventually bought a house, gave me the key, and told me that whenever I needed to leave, that I had a place to go to)
I was way beyond hopeless by the time that I left.
Doorbell is ringing, will get back to this later. Just want you to know that I appreciate all of your responses.
Was feeling very unsure of myself, or if I might actually be helpful, or if my posts seemed like I was trying to draw attention to me, and took away from the original poster. Was afraid that by posting my stories was trying to make it about, me, me, me and more about me.
Like I said somewhere on here, I belonged to an abuse forum, and I became too embarrassed to post on there. The members there were growing, they were listening to advice, they were doing things to change their life's, and I remained stagnant. I still went to that forum, was even active there, but mostly just for a "Happy Birthday", or a congrats. I no longer posted about my marriage.
It had taken me so long to finally open up about what I was going through, then I shut down again. Thought I was just aggravating people on the forum because I still stayed, luckily I didn't cut all ties. I had one friend from the forum that I had telephone contact with, and another friend, (the one who eventually bought a house, gave me the key, and told me that whenever I needed to leave, that I had a place to go to)
I was way beyond hopeless by the time that I left.
Doorbell is ringing, will get back to this later. Just want you to know that I appreciate all of your responses.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Pa
Posts: 4,872
Hated to leave this thread by "doorbell is ringing", I just wasn't sure if I could save response or if it would disappear. When in an abusive relationship, you are never sure of anything, you question everything, and I am out for 4 1/2 years now. I still question everything I do, and everything that I say, it is really hard to get back to "your own mind".
You become so used to doing and saying whatever you can "just to keep the peace".
I am still overwhelmed that this became a stickie, because I guess it was mostly about all of my own self doubt. About trying to not draw attention to myself, but still wanting to help someone else out. So that if anyone is out there researching and reading, and doing whatever they can to try to understand things, that the answer is really very simple, the answer is, "there is no answer".
It wasn't till after I left that I found this out, "there is no answer". Then I had to start to work on me.
I do not regret my marriage, I learned a lot from it. I learned to look at life and things differently. I appreciate things a lot more now. I appreciate people a lot more now. I no longer think in black and white. I go outside the boxes now.
I stayed a lot longer than anyone should have, guess I needed to be hit with a 2 x 4. For anyone that is reading, just know that there is hope, and please do not stop posting because you are not working at things on other peoples time frames. Don't be embarrassed to post, we are here for you.
Other peoples time frames ------- now I remember what I was thinking the day that I snapped, and got in my car and just drove. I was thinking that they were right. They have btdt (been there, done that).
I was not "special", my relationship was not "different". All the promises of therapy, all just "quacking".
but
I am "special". I'm me. I walked through h3ll and I survived, and so can you.
You become so used to doing and saying whatever you can "just to keep the peace".
I am still overwhelmed that this became a stickie, because I guess it was mostly about all of my own self doubt. About trying to not draw attention to myself, but still wanting to help someone else out. So that if anyone is out there researching and reading, and doing whatever they can to try to understand things, that the answer is really very simple, the answer is, "there is no answer".
It wasn't till after I left that I found this out, "there is no answer". Then I had to start to work on me.
I do not regret my marriage, I learned a lot from it. I learned to look at life and things differently. I appreciate things a lot more now. I appreciate people a lot more now. I no longer think in black and white. I go outside the boxes now.
I stayed a lot longer than anyone should have, guess I needed to be hit with a 2 x 4. For anyone that is reading, just know that there is hope, and please do not stop posting because you are not working at things on other peoples time frames. Don't be embarrassed to post, we are here for you.
Other peoples time frames ------- now I remember what I was thinking the day that I snapped, and got in my car and just drove. I was thinking that they were right. They have btdt (been there, done that).
I was not "special", my relationship was not "different". All the promises of therapy, all just "quacking".
but
I am "special". I'm me. I walked through h3ll and I survived, and so can you.
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