My denial about my husband's alcoholism
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Western PA
Posts: 151
Originally Posted by pravchaw 
I think it okay to firmly state your boundaries but also leave open the opportunity for him to change. People change and recover all the time. Its worth preserving a family if it is possible. A depression is an illness that can be treated successfully.
In my personal life I have chosen to engage with my son rather than detach, but without nagging, pleading, bitterness or anger. Time will tell whether this approach will work and if he recovers, but I want to try my best.
In my personal life I have chosen to engage with my son rather than detach, but without nagging, pleading, bitterness or anger. Time will tell whether this approach will work and if he recovers, but I want to try my best.
Detachment helps me chart a course of action that does not enable his behavior. It helps me step back and give Mr. Arch the dignity of handling his own consequences.
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Western PA
Posts: 151
Originally Posted by stella27
I think there is a difference between a son and a husband. Her boundary is that she will not live with someone with untreated addiction or mental illness, including depression, and in order to enforce that boundary, she has to file for divorce. Her state requires a 2 year waiting period, so there is always the chance for him to seek his own treatment and become an invested partner, but from her previous posts, she is no longer willing to live like this.
You and other posters deserve so much credit for helping me get here. I am so grateful.
Dear Pravchaw,
I am typing on my iPhone in bed. My youngest is asleep beside me. I am listening to him breath and thinking about what it must be like for you to try to figure out how to parent your son right now. I can barely breath each moment since I filed for divorce. (And I haven't even told Mr. Arch yet) - but if this were one of my sons, well I just don't know what I would do. The thought makes me feel ill. My in-laws are coming and we are going to tell Mr. Arch about my new boundaries, as Stella described above, and the divorce together. We are going to make it clear we will help him, if he wants to engage in recovery, but that does not change my boundaries. I will hug my in-laws very tightly and think about you. Thank you for your posts.
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Join Date: Feb 2013
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I think you are doing all the right things. You are a strong ethical woman and I am confident you will be in a good place in a few years.
One of the best things I and my wife did was to join a family therapy group led by an experienced addiction counselor. The group taught us what addiction was and techniques to protect our selves, to detach our selves from the chaos in the addicts life and at the same time engage with our loved one in a positive manner. I also get great information and perspective from SR, and it helps me keep grounded. Best wishes in the days ahead.
One of the best things I and my wife did was to join a family therapy group led by an experienced addiction counselor. The group taught us what addiction was and techniques to protect our selves, to detach our selves from the chaos in the addicts life and at the same time engage with our loved one in a positive manner. I also get great information and perspective from SR, and it helps me keep grounded. Best wishes in the days ahead.
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Western PA
Posts: 151
Thank you, Pravchaw. I think you are right. In a few years my life is going to be so much better.
I do need someone with experience in addiction and codependency issues. In fact, my in-laws and I were talking about going together. I will be co-parenting with Mr. Arch for the rest of my life, so I need to keep learning and growing.
Thank you for your posts.
I do need someone with experience in addiction and codependency issues. In fact, my in-laws and I were talking about going together. I will be co-parenting with Mr. Arch for the rest of my life, so I need to keep learning and growing.
Thank you for your posts.
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