Things are tense, again ....

Old 05-12-2013, 09:58 AM
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Things are tense, again ....

Hi all,

Last time I updated it was to tell everyone that SD's mum had been in hospital, very sick, and told that if she ever drank again she would die. Well, she was discharged from hospital 3 weeks ago, and even though we knew she had started drinking again, hadn't heard from her until yesterday. She sent SD a text from her alcoholic neighbour's phone, saying she wants to see her next Saturday. SD was furious, and said how dare she contact her after 3 weeks and ask to see her when she hadn't bothered to contact her at all over the last 3 weeks. I said to her that it was up to her what she wanted to do, and she said she doesn't want to see her mum. I told her that was absolutely fine, but that she should tell her mum. She didn't want to herself and asked me to text her mum back, which I did. I was very polite, and apologised, but pointed out that this was what SD wanted and she had to respect that. SD said she doesn't want to see her mum until such time she is actively sober and looking well (she looks absolutely dreadful at the moment). I put it as nicely as I could. Anyway, that instigated a barrage of abuse from her mum, saying that SHE wants to see HER daughter and how dare I stand in the way of that. I replied pointing out that I wasn't standing in the way of it, that it was SD's wish and that this wasn't about her and what she wanted, it was about SD. She got all defensive, said she wasn't an alcoholic, that I am not SD's mother and have no right to even try to be her mother and that she will 'grip' me up!!

I decided on a final text, simply pointing out that the moment SD says she wants to see her we will let her know, but that for now her daughter doesn't wish to see her and is entitled to put space between them if she wants to. I told her I could appreciate her being angry and upset, but that this was how it is and she just has to accept it.

I can tell you all that it is so damned tiring dealing with this person, and I'm not even related to her! 10 years of this, and I have had enough to be honest. She is a parasite and she destroys everything. I invited her into my home to try and facilitate healthy contact between her and her daughter when we found out last October that she had been told she would be dead within a year if she didn't stop drinking, and felt that SD should see her (she wasn't at the time) because otherwise she would feel guilty if she hadn't and her mother died. That was wrong, because seeing her mum again caused SD to self harm. Her mum doesn't know about the self-harm because SD doesn't want her to, but she just cannot accept or see the damage she has caused this poor kid. I know this sounds absolutely awful and cruel and horrible, but she probably will die soon as she continues to drink against stern medical advice, and I cannot wait for that day
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Old 05-12-2013, 01:32 PM
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Where is your husband, your step-daughter's father, in this? Why is it that you are the interface with SD's alcoholic mother instead of him?

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Old 05-12-2013, 02:21 PM
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I agree with shooting star. I know you have been involved for 10 years in raising her daughter. I see that you facilitated visits for a healthy relationship. But just the dynamics of the mother/stepmother - exwife/wife relationship, you must see how this can antagonize the A?
Is the dad deceased?
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Old 05-12-2013, 04:39 PM
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There is nothing worse than watching someone close to us - in whatever way - destroy themselves. I am sorry, NikNox, that you and your family have ring-side seats for this.

Today I wonder how my friend's 15 year old son is doing. My heart goes out to him that he is spending his first Mother's Day without her - for good this time - because she couldn't/wouldn't stop drinking and it killed her. Even though she was not present much over the last 5 years or so, she was still alive, therefore there was hope. Today is the first of a lifetime of Mother's Days without her. Poor guy.

Thank you for being the Mom to this girl.
Happy Mother's Day!
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Old 05-13-2013, 02:12 AM
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Hi all. The reason I tend to deal with her is because she makes my husband so stressed he becomes quite ill. He suffers with IBS & if she stresses him out it flares up
& has, in the past, been off work for a couple of weeks with debilitating diarrhoea, vomiting and cramps,which then causes financial stress for our family. I have a higher stress threshold than him. I am a woman after all
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