winnie1202

He came home again, barely being able to get out of his car. He has fallen off the wagon after 18 months sober. Although I promised "detachment" from the situation I started yelling (yes, I know how stupid, Drunk people don't remember). I said that he will kill a family or a kid the same age as our teenagers. I said if you want to wrap yourself around a tree I don't care but you will kill a 17 year old driving home from the movies. He has a commercial drivers license and will lose his livelihood and his benefits. I guess he hasn't hit his bottom yet. He will soon. We are splitting up. I have had enough. I had a real estate person come through today. I think that might have set him off, too. I don't think he believed I would follow through.

dandylion

winnie1202, if he were to cause such an accident, which would be tragic in itself, it would be compounded for you because of your association with him--not to speak of possible financial disaster. You could loose everything plus your emotional suffering.

There is a saying in recovery circles, that I have heard: "Let go or be dragged"

It looks to me like this may apply to you right now. It looks to me like you are in this process, right now.

After years of tolerance for their bad behaviors, they are in disbelief when we draw a boundry and stick to it.

Just keep doing what you now know that you have to do.

sincerely, dandylion

lillamy

Winnie, he might not have hit his bottom yet but it sounds like you have.
And that's when you can kick off and work your way towards the surface and the sunlight again.

I have a good friend whose son was killed by a drunk driver, just short of his 18th birthday. Seeing what that has done to my friend has made me lose any sympathy or tolerance for drunk drivers.

So yelling at him might not have helped him. But it helped you. If that had been me, I would have needed to get those feelings and fears out. Whether he would hear them or not.

grammyb

That's also been one of my biggest fears lately. We're in the divorce process and have a business together. I can't begin to tell you the hell and the chaos that has caused. What I did was contact my insurance agent and bought an umbrella policy to protect me while I'm still attached . Protect yourself in whatever way you can! I also pray that no one will get hurt. I pray for a DUI in his world soon to protect those on the road. I've spoken to the local police four times and for some reason nothing has happened . Last time it was a recorded conversation. I've done what i could to protect myself .

Katiekate

What happens is he suffers the consequences of his actions, and he takes someone down with him, only he is in control of that.

Please, honey, do protect yourself emtionally, physically, metally, spiritually and financially.

peacedove

thanks dandylion for putting another thought process out there about how their actions and consequences effect US. i don't mean just our emotions or how hard it is to live through it or with it. somehow it is easy to forget the "let go or be dragged" statement and what it actually encompasses. for me, i can not have someone in my life who has the ability to take me down in my career i worked so hard for. if, by chance, he does get busted or arrested or kill someone or any number of things possible when it comes to A&A's...immediately it rolls over to me. not just him or his family. me, too.

and no matter what...i can be as squeaky clean and a straight arrow...BUT people do look at it and think "oh, that's who ____ dates/is engaged to/lives with" and it isn't a good thing. sure we as adults say not to worry about what others think and this is true also BUT there comes a time in life when you have to look at it from the other side and allow yourself to see how perception can take its toll on your life. we forget this portion of it sometimes. at least i did. until recently. i think it comes to us once we are back focused on ourselves and we start to understand it's either sink or swim in all areas.


so thank you for your post, again.