Is this normal for rehab to do this....?
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Join Date: May 2013
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Is this normal for rehab to do this....?
My father just started an intensive outpatient program yesterday.... & last week he admitted to me he was an alcoholic but right when we got to the IOP place he said he wasn't.....but that he would do the program & would quit drinking. He has followed everything so far....2 urine tests, a meeting with a counselor, family night & his meeting tonight. We are going to AA/al-anon mtg sunday (i just started al anon).
So....the counselor pulled me to the side yesterday & was quite dramatic about my father being in denial. He said my father told him that he wanted to be there but basically told him he doesnt drink a lot & has never had negative consequences from him drinking (which i know are both lies). Today the counselor called me & was dramatic again about my dad's denial & that his insurance company only authorized 10 sessions of IOP bc of my fathers self report on paperwork that he doesnt drink a lot of have mental health issues. He said most people that come in aren't in denial like my dad. He said he isnt going to tell him about the insurance covering only 10 sessions (the program is 58) bc he doesnt want my dad to BS the paperwork.
None of this seems right. Arent addicts/alcoholics known for denial?! If he wants to be there and is following the program why are they acting like he is a lost cause. That is pretty much what the guy said....dont have high hopes. Limit your interaction with him etc.
So....the counselor pulled me to the side yesterday & was quite dramatic about my father being in denial. He said my father told him that he wanted to be there but basically told him he doesnt drink a lot & has never had negative consequences from him drinking (which i know are both lies). Today the counselor called me & was dramatic again about my dad's denial & that his insurance company only authorized 10 sessions of IOP bc of my fathers self report on paperwork that he doesnt drink a lot of have mental health issues. He said most people that come in aren't in denial like my dad. He said he isnt going to tell him about the insurance covering only 10 sessions (the program is 58) bc he doesnt want my dad to BS the paperwork.
None of this seems right. Arent addicts/alcoholics known for denial?! If he wants to be there and is following the program why are they acting like he is a lost cause. That is pretty much what the guy said....dont have high hopes. Limit your interaction with him etc.
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Join Date: Jan 2013
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This is probably the impression his counselor is getting from his actions, his interactions in group/therapy sessions, etc. It is true that alcoholics are known for their denial. But I believe that making the decision to go to rehab happens at a point when the denial diminishes, and the alcoholic can admit they have a problem. I don't think that rehab is about "participate and graduate," but more of a change of mindset. This includes getting out of the denial and "stinkin thinkin," as it is often referred to.
I do not believe people can "do the program and quit drinking" unless they can admit to themselves that they are an alcoholic, and are committed to recovery. It may be that your father is not really there yet (still in denial) and the counselor sees it.
"We are only as sick as our secrets."
I do not believe people can "do the program and quit drinking" unless they can admit to themselves that they are an alcoholic, and are committed to recovery. It may be that your father is not really there yet (still in denial) and the counselor sees it.
"We are only as sick as our secrets."
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I have not pressed my dad about how he likes it. We don't live together...i mostly say i love you...li told him what i am doing for myself (al-anon etc).
The only interaction the counselor had with my dad was when he sat down with him for 30 min and asked him questions about his drinking etc. he pulled me in while my dad was doing a neurocognitive assessment in another room (i was already there a little early for family night) to talk about the denial. In family night (just me there for his family...hey, some had no one) i spoke openly about my dad's drinking in a gentle loving way....and my dad listened. My dad told the group his most effective reward (aka drug of choice) was alcohol. He told the group he threw out his booze (i dunno about that!). The counselor called me today before he saw my dad in tonight's group about the insurance denial stuff.
The only interaction the counselor had with my dad was when he sat down with him for 30 min and asked him questions about his drinking etc. he pulled me in while my dad was doing a neurocognitive assessment in another room (i was already there a little early for family night) to talk about the denial. In family night (just me there for his family...hey, some had no one) i spoke openly about my dad's drinking in a gentle loving way....and my dad listened. My dad told the group his most effective reward (aka drug of choice) was alcohol. He told the group he threw out his booze (i dunno about that!). The counselor called me today before he saw my dad in tonight's group about the insurance denial stuff.
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Join Date: Dec 2012
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I'm curious as to his motivation to go to rehab? He doesn't see himself as an A right now, so why is he really there? The counselor is likely trying to let you know that this is not likely to do him a lot of good if he's not admitting to the real problem yet. They can only do so much, if the A isn't willing then they won't likely get through to him.
Keep going to AlAnon, and try to stay focused on you.
Keep going to AlAnon, and try to stay focused on you.
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Pardon the interruption, alcoholic here. As someone who went to treatment, I can say I was in very deep denial before I started the program. I was given an assessment beforehand and I expressed my views to the councilor very clearly. I cited my job and my professional achievements, and calmly collected my things when he returned, assuming he would agree that I did not need treatment. I was shocked and hurt when I heard he felt otherwise, I literally could not believe it. I thought "the system" was crazy - I'd go to treatment, fine - but I wasn't an alcoholic. I made a joke out of it, told my family not to get too worried, I was just "going to the looney bin" for a while, ha ha.
I finally accepted I was an addict and stepping back I can see that my denial was very real. And so powerful that members of my family were also in denial of my issues.
In my experience, after listening to your story, the councilor might be on to something. These people are professionals, certified and experienced. Heck, I was around many addicts while I was in treatment for just 24 days, and I can tell you it really opened my eyes - just imagine how many days that councilor has worked there.
I wish you and your father all the best. He will get through this, and so will you. Good luck.
I finally accepted I was an addict and stepping back I can see that my denial was very real. And so powerful that members of my family were also in denial of my issues.
In my experience, after listening to your story, the councilor might be on to something. These people are professionals, certified and experienced. Heck, I was around many addicts while I was in treatment for just 24 days, and I can tell you it really opened my eyes - just imagine how many days that councilor has worked there.
I wish you and your father all the best. He will get through this, and so will you. Good luck.
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The facts are that only one in ten that wants treatment get an opportunity to receive it. Your father is fortunate that he has insurance and the chance to try rehab even if he is in a state of denial... I like to think of rehab opportunities as seeds of wisdom and truth planted that may remembered even if the recovery stint fails to achieve authentic recovery.
Your dad is abstinent... not drinking for now and his choices are going to be determined by what he believes to be true about his drinking. The A in denial but abstinent will drink again if they do not have that "moment of clarity"... the desire to "not drink" becomes paramount and there is willingness to do "whatever it takes" to achieve that lifetime of sobriety.
The counselor has seen this over and over and over as I have with my father, brother, husband and my latest XA .... in out of recovery, in and out of inpatient, outpatient, AA, counseling, psychiatrists and on and on.
I know many people in rehabs that work with A's and drug addicts and its hard when someone comes in that is there for someone else or to avoid consequences because your efforts usually are in vain and they are there physically but unconnected and uninterested in becoming permanently sober.
Hopefully your dad will defy the odds and be the one in a million who has a "moment of clarity" and breaks up with alcohol while in treatment but chances are he is not done yet and the counselor was trying to prepare you for what might be future disappointment.
I tell people that treatment, programs and AA meetings are just geography of where someone is unless they buy in and commit themselves 150 % and become "willing" to do whatever they have to do and are advised to do by those who have been there and found their way out.
The A's best thinking gets them in rehab, jails or hospitals yet their denial continues to convince them that they personally know best what they need to do! And dear daughter there is absolutely nothing you can do to change that...
My father died in his alcoholism alone having driven all of us away from him and he managed to drink every single day of his life for as long as I can remember. It's sad and I hope your outcome is better but please... take care of you... if you aren't in alanon and counseling I highly recommend that for you.
Your dad is abstinent... not drinking for now and his choices are going to be determined by what he believes to be true about his drinking. The A in denial but abstinent will drink again if they do not have that "moment of clarity"... the desire to "not drink" becomes paramount and there is willingness to do "whatever it takes" to achieve that lifetime of sobriety.
The counselor has seen this over and over and over as I have with my father, brother, husband and my latest XA .... in out of recovery, in and out of inpatient, outpatient, AA, counseling, psychiatrists and on and on.
I know many people in rehabs that work with A's and drug addicts and its hard when someone comes in that is there for someone else or to avoid consequences because your efforts usually are in vain and they are there physically but unconnected and uninterested in becoming permanently sober.
Hopefully your dad will defy the odds and be the one in a million who has a "moment of clarity" and breaks up with alcohol while in treatment but chances are he is not done yet and the counselor was trying to prepare you for what might be future disappointment.
I tell people that treatment, programs and AA meetings are just geography of where someone is unless they buy in and commit themselves 150 % and become "willing" to do whatever they have to do and are advised to do by those who have been there and found their way out.
The A's best thinking gets them in rehab, jails or hospitals yet their denial continues to convince them that they personally know best what they need to do! And dear daughter there is absolutely nothing you can do to change that...
My father died in his alcoholism alone having driven all of us away from him and he managed to drink every single day of his life for as long as I can remember. It's sad and I hope your outcome is better but please... take care of you... if you aren't in alanon and counseling I highly recommend that for you.
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Originally Posted by Ellie80 
Today the counselor called me & was dramatic again about my dad's denial & that his insurance company only authorized 10 sessions of IOP bc of my fathers self report on paperwork that he doesnt drink a lot of have mental health issues. He said most people that come in aren't in denial like my dad. He said he isnt going to tell him about the insurance covering only 10 sessions (the program is 58) bc he doesnt want my dad to BS the paperwork.
After going through several rehabs with my son (inpatient and outpatieint), I've found that rehabs are in the business of filling spots/beds and making money. Not that your father doesn't need help, but the admissions counselor in rehab is most likely very biased and may not have his financial best interest at heart. If its covered by insurance, great. If he has the money and wants to pay, great. But, I would NOT go into debt for rehab. Many, many people get sober for free using AA or other recovery programs. They just have to really WANT it- and, so far, it doesn't sound like your Dad does.
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Ellie, I don't know your backstory, but alcoholics often enter rehab to placate others and when they do it doesn't stick. My alcoholic sister has been to rehab 7 or 8 times, but never because she really wanted to quit. She drinks as soon as she gets out.
The counselor is telling you to lower your expectations.
The counselor is telling you to lower your expectations.
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Join Date: May 2013
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So here's the thing guys. I am actually a therapist. I received training in addiction from the doctor who runs this program which i why i told my father about this program. I have worked with many addicts but when it comes to my own father i feel like someone who knows next to nothing about HIS addiction. I don't want to play the therapist role when it comes to my father.
When i told the counselor about my licEnse he said i was ahead of him (he is working toward licensure). He is a recovering addict, so that means something. My colleague who is also in recovery with a lot of experience in addiction medicine said he was Surprised he was contacting me about my father's denial.
When i told the counselor about my licEnse he said i was ahead of him (he is working toward licensure). He is a recovering addict, so that means something. My colleague who is also in recovery with a lot of experience in addiction medicine said he was Surprised he was contacting me about my father's denial.
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Originally Posted by Ellie80
My colleague who is also in recovery with a lot of experience in addiction medicine said he was Surprised he was contacting me about my father's denial.
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