CarryOn

I'd appreciate some thoughts from all of you on this...my mom called me to say that my dad wants to talk to AH about his drinking & lack of effort to make any changes (not my suggestion). We've been living separately for several weeks, AH did one week of IOP, started drinking again, and claims he stopped drinking again on May 1 - apparently white knuckling now. My dad is super supportive of all his kids & their spouses. He is slow to anger so once he hits that point you know things have carried on too long. While I appreciate my dad's support I am not sure him talking to AH will do anything other than flare his anger or resentment towards AH because I doubt anything will happen. I'm also wondering if dad is feeling over-stressed as he & mom have been basically living with one of my siblings being the caretakers of the family while one of their children has been going through a health crisis for the last six months. So, is my dad talking to AH worthwhile or not? Have any of you had someone within your support system confront the A in your life?

dandylion

Dear carryon, I don't know if it will help, but, it can't hurt either---in my opinion.

dandylion

mdal638

I think this really depends on the relationship between the two of them. Do your father and your AH get along well and converse on their own? Or is their relationship based mostly through you? I am not a addict of any kind, but if one of my GF's parents came to me to discuss a problem I had that they were concerned with, my reaction would depend on which one it was. We have been dating for years so I have had time to become comfortable socially with her mother and I would accept advice form her very willingly because it would be coming from a friend who cares about me. While her main motivation may be to help her daughter, but I know there is some concern for my well being as well. However, if it was her father, who is not very open socially, it would be a different situation. He and I get along fine, but as we don't really have our own relationship, if he came to me about my problem I would take it as more of an attack against me, protecting his daughter. So really you should consider the closeness and openness of their relationship first. Just my opinion but I hope this helps. Not an expert, if this doesn't sound right feel free to totally disregard it.

Also, if your father is going to go through with it, I think it is probably important he is relatively informed on addiction. He doesn't have to be a professional interventionist by any means. But in my limited experience I have found it very helpful to go into the situation understanding something about the general mindset of an alcoholic and how they typically set up their defensiveness.

Good luck.

Tuffgirl

Personally, I think this is between your Dad and your husband, and I think whatever is discussed between these two men should stay in that room. Men communicate differently than we ladies do. This won't be a comforting, supportive conversation. And thing is, you never know what seeds may be planted for the future. If it were me, I'd back off and let whatever transpires happen without my involvement.