MamaKit

When I accepted that what I was dealing with was actually abuse. It took my A moving across the country for a much needed job to allow that to ring true. I was coming home without a pit in my stomach. I felt calm and truly connected with my boys. My A was still in my life, and still an emotional presence but he was physically elsewhere. That separation made me aware that I was in an unacceptable situation which was harmful to me and to my boys.

I told him I thought our marriage was not going to be saved. That there was nothing left. He did not take it well at all. It's been a crazy, difficult, and painful process. Our final divorce hearing is scheduled for the end of this month (yay and gulp).

I don't know if it was courage or self preservation. But I can say, that now, I have real moments of happiness and almost constant peace. My life is much better.

Sending you support,
Hugs,
MamaKit

pixilation

When I realized nothing was ever going to change. I could change all I wanted, but fact was, it wasn't me.

The deciding moment, I actually talked about it on here. He threw a long, alcoholic fueled verbal tirade/tantrum, including house moving music, and I broke. That's the only way to describe it. Something inside me just snapped. I went through the stages of grief really, starting with the deep, soul wrenching sobbing(for over a week) I had previously stopped crying after his tantrums, but this one...yeah, it was bad.

I was out 6 months later. I had to get a job first of all, and then the rest of the plans fell into place.

amy55

I don't think that mine qualifies as courageous, but will tell my story.

I just snapped one day.

I joined a forum for verbally abusive relationships back in 2004. I was actually too embarrassed after awhile to even post there.

I did start talking to friends about the abuse. Then one of my friends had bought a house in a different state, but they weren't going to be physically moving there for another 2 years, just came up on the weekends, and they offered me their house, rent free. That was Aug 2008.

I started staying there for weeks, but I still had hopes my marriage would survive. Was married at that time for 25 years. Occassionally I would go back home to try to work things out. It didn't work.

December 31, 2008. My friends had invited me up for a NYE party, I had wanted to go to this with my husband, but then he called me in the morning, and said he was not coming home that night. This would have been the 4th New Years that he wasn't with me. I was at this point driving just to pick up cigarettes, and when I got that phone call, I just snapped. I didn't want to spend that New Years on the verbal abuse website. I was invited to a party!!!!!

So, when he told me that he was not coming home that night, I told him that I was halfway to my friends house, and that I wouldn't be home that night either. I already had clothes at my friends house, and I just kept driving. I never went back.

I was just really lucky to have such really good friends !!!!!!!!

Lulu39

You are my soul sister Flo. Everything you wrote up there is what I have also lived through.

Self sabotaging good stuff and jobs so they can drink and take drugs... Knowing that I would continue to go to work and pay the mortgage and the child care fees and the school fees and the bills. Because I was the only grown up in the relationship.

My XAH used to blow up his life time and time again. One reason I made him leave was because I could not mentally or physically cope with the thought that he was going to blow it all up again. I was done with his drama. He may not blow it all up again, but if he does, when he does, I wont feel the effects. And that's the way I like it.

Florence

Exactly.