BaileyBaker

My BF alcoholism has been at its worst over the past two months. I thought his rock bottom, according to him, was spending the night in the ER 5 weeks ago and not being able to leave because he said he would hurt himself. BAC was six times the legal limit. He wanted to go to the ER btw.

Its torture to see him uber drunk. But that isnt the only problem he's been lying about where he has been.

I dont think he has been more than 50% sober since maybe Friday night. Ive lost count of the "im done with drinking, Im tired, I just want to be happy" speechs. He said he wants help. He doesnt like taking meds, insurance is iffy so he has tried to taper off. Never works.

Monday he tells me im not affectionate enough, thats a big issue and he doesnt see why thats so hard.

Yesterday before work I send him two local rehab numbers and forward him an email about counseling. Now ive taken all the cash out my place so he doesnt buy anything. This man uses nickels and pennies I had in a bag to go buy alcohol. He has done some other ridiculous stuff in the name of alcohol.

He did have setup an appt with one of the places I left him a number with.

Last night was awful. He calls me bothersome and stiffling. We argue. Then he said his brother is coming to get him and take him to treatment in the morning. Lie. He called a female ex-coworker who he had/has been lying to me about to come get him.

I lose it. I tell him he can take all his stuff and go. Ive had it. He cant really take a his stuff cause its alot but he gets some stuff in a duffle bag and his laptop. We go back and forth via text. He says I kicked him out and Im controlling I say he left willing. Its not only the drinking, its the lying.

Now Im half hopeless/half pissed/kinda worried/somewhat angry because I dont even know if he went and if he did go she took him, will it be inpatiant, outpatient, what the heck. His old coworker actually works where he was checking in. I text him and he said he is out of office but my BF hadnt showed up yet.

He has no money,no transport, quit his job but has an interview on Friday. His last text to me was "its needed, im scared, but ill go".

This is longer than I anticipated but idk if I should can his stuff and move on or sit on my hands and wait it out for an outcome.

Eta: another thing that confuses me is his support system or lack of one. He has a brother in the city who knows he is having issues. Not a call or text. Mom? Nope. Dad? Nope. Best friend? Nope. How can people not call to check when you know what is going on. Grrr

Hopeworks

Maybe they have lovingly detached and are letting him deal with the consequences of his life decisions?

Something I never did when emotionally enmeshed in my xa's quacking about recovery for 4 long miserable years! A lot of good it did! He is drinking like a fish in Vegas, gambling and living the high life somehow... He was broke and lived off of me when I was hovering, helicoptering and paying for "recovery"....

Are you taking care of you????? Trust me... That path is REAL... You will not ever regret embarking on that journey of self discovery...

Keep posting... We understand and we care

wicked

Maybe, just maybe, they have had enough?
As a parent of an addict, I cannot explain the heartbreak of an addicted child.
I am in recovery myself, so I have trouble separating my guilt from the fact that he can choose to drink or not.
He chooses to drink and I do not.

I cannot watch him kill himself anymore.

6 times the legal limit? Just this fact alone is terrifying.
I can say this as gently as I can, as a mother speaking of her own alcoholic child.
How much of the real him (your boyfriend) do you know?

He has lied to you about so many important things.
Please think about yourself.
You deserve more than someone who drinks himself to emergency (death-defying) limits.
You deserve more than someone who lies to you about ex-coworkers.
You deserve an entire person, willing to be a partner in an equal relationship.

You will not get that with an alcoholic. It is not possible.
Speaking as a drunk, the only important thing in life to a drunk is to drink.
Nothing more, nothing less. Only those who would support my drinking (killing myself) were allowed to be with me.


And, before you say "I love him and must save him",
I must say, you do not know him to love him and you are not equipped to save him.
He needs medical help to survive.

I am so glad you found this website. You will get support and help here for yourself.
Have you heard of Al Anon?
Try going to a few meetings, you will find others in the same place as you are now.

Thank you for sharing your story and for reading mine.

Beth

BaileyBaker

Thank you both very much.

I didnt think of them being lovingly detached. That may be with his parents. His bother, well brothers, also struggle with alcohol too. They have a few DUIs and legal issues between them.

I think that it wasnt until a few days ago that I realized theres nothing I can do and I cant save him. Heck I think Im enabling. Its his and Gods battle he says.

Not being able to watch him kill himself anymore is sooo true.

Im a big worrier, just about things in general so its hard. His former coworker at the treatment center said my BF hadnt come in. His phone is dead so who knows.

BaileyBaker

Just an update:

No beds at the rehab so he has to keep going every morning until one opens. In the meantime he is tapering wherever he is staying. Not good. Said he's deilrious (sp?) and shaking.

Sigh.