Painful realization
 

DD14 said to me the other day - through tears: "I really miss my dad. Not the one I have, but the one I wish he was."

I teared up with her. Because she had just summed up 20 years of marriage for me. I spent so many years waiting for my AXH to become the husband I wished he was. Which is about as productive as waiting for an old Honda to become a Maserati just because I want it to be.

it's even sadder hearing it from her, isn't it? I feel that way too.

From the mouths of babes...........

Dang! It's so hard to hear your children's heart break. I remember shortly after I separated from his dad, my son and I were watching TV and one of those "family" commercials came on where everybody is happy and loving and using *whatever product they are trying to sell*. Anyway, my son got all sad and said "why can't we be like that?" And I said "well, we were never really like that." And he said "I know, but I wanted us to be." So did I. So did I...

L

Hugs! I would have cried if my son said something like that, too. My son and I were actually talking about divorce recently because it came up in church this weekend and on the way home he said, "You know, there are probably a lot of married people out there who make better friends than spouses." I was thinking that maybe he was dropping a hint or something but it was so insightful for a 14 year old.

It's amazing what our kids come up with that blesses us, brings us to tears, brings us joy, and brings us to our knees. Sending you lots of support this week, lillamy.

Wow, so incredibly insightful and sad. I am on the verge of making the same decision after 25 years. If it wasn't for the support of my 17 year old daughter and wanting to show her my strength, I would be curled in a ball on the floor.

:grouphug:

Winnie, one of the things that have me the strength to leave was when AXH had lit into me one morning as I was getting ready to take the kids to school. When I dropped my oldest, he stepped out of the car, leaned back in, and asked: "when will you have has enough, Mom?" And closed the car door and walked away.

That's when I knew that my children were at least as affected by their father's alcoholism as I was

It's good. The kids are finally talking and working through their garbage. It's painful, but it's progress.

It's so great that your DD has the insight at that age to understand her feelings, and so great that she feels free to share them with you, lillamy.

My mother kicked my dad out when I was 12, and he died when I was 18, and although he hadn't been in my life for six years, I was totally devastated, and I know it's because I felt robbed of a dad who could have been a great dad. But I was so grateful to my mother for having had the courage to give us a stable life without him.

Your family's doing great... it's painful, but you guys are there for each other, which is awesome.

My youngest (18) is moving to college and said he could not wait to move because of AH. I jokinly said "and you are going to just leave me here?" He said, mom, nothing is holding you here anymore. You don't have kids to worry about anymore.

Sigh. So true.

Same son (who is now 7 years older) was telling me the other day how odd he finds it when people find out his parents are divorced and say "I'm sorry." He said there's nothing to be sorry about, it's not like the divorce was responsible for ruining an otherwise happy family. He said he feels sorry for those kids whose parents *should* get a divorce, but don't. Smart boy.

L