ChelleC78

I'm on here for ideas. My Husband and I don't drink every day, we have "designated" drink nights (which are essentially Friday and Saturday, when we have wine and watch our favorite shows) The trouble is, when we do drink "socially" we always get into some horrible fight. In the past it has lead to an over night jail "sleepover" and court.

The truth is, I can live without it. I would rather have energy to clean my house on weekends, but I'm an enabler, and what my Husband wants he gets. He suffers from depression, he has since before we met 11 years ago. He overdosed on anti-anxiety drugs 3 years ago, so they won't prescribe them to him anymore. The drink seems to help him "cope" in his own way. Now he has associated Friday and Saturday nights with our shows and wine.In the past when he has agreed we need to stop, he's okay for about 3 weeks and then he hits this wretched breaking point, where suddenly I am his "cell" guard and I need to loosen the leash because I never let him have any fun. It's truly a nightmare so eventually I cave just so he'll stop being such an *******.

So night before last we went out of town to an event. We had friends there and it was all fun, but my Husband is also a jealous man. He was way too inebriated, saw a guy talking to me at the bar and actually came after me this time (last time it was the guy talking to me). So, not only is he jealous, but he also works out, so he is very big. It took 7 security guards to take him down, he hit one of them, which just made matters worse. I asked them if they would just let me take him back to the room because I knew he was just crazy drunk, but they said he had to go down for questioning and I had to follow.

They questioned him, but he was too drunk to know what was going on, he didn't even remember what he did or why. When they pulled me in the room I explained to them that he had just one to many. They decided not to arrest my husband and kindly escorted us back to our room. Embarrassed, yes, but it wasn't the first time something like this had happened.

So, in the morning, he only vaguely remembered being cuffed and asked if he dreamed it. I told him what happened, and he finally said he really felt like our best bet would be to quit drinking. I'm on board 100% if it means not having to worry about stuff like that ever happening again.

What I am worried about is that he already associates our weekend "date" nights (at home) with drinking and has said we need to find something to replace that time with. At 9:00 at night with children asleep, what exactly can we do? I saw other people on here mentioning what they did during the day. Well, my days are way too busy to drink in the day time anyway. When we're at home with children in bed, we can't go out and walk the dog. He use to be "addicted" to on line gaming but it almost destroyed our marriage. I need ideas on what we can do that late at night to replace this habit. We already watch movies and shows together so really that's not a replacement. Sorry this was so long, but I wanted to explain what brought us to this decision.

ZiggyB

Hi,
In my opinion your husband's behavior has gone way over the line over what can be considered acceptable. Blackouts and violent behavior are a dangerous sign. If he suffers from depression he needs to stop drinking and get treated for that and I would suggest you go to Al-Anon. It isn't your job to police his drinking or feel like you can somehow control what he does.

There are plenty of things you can do together after 9 pm that don't involve getting wasted. Watch a movie, play a board game, you could both be reading a book, or maybe this would be a good time to rekindle your sex life without booze. Do something quiet together like yoga and meditation. These are only suggestions, I don't know what the two of you are interested in but for the sake of your children he needs to get a hold on the problem before it spirals into something really bad.

Just my two cents anyway...

AnvilheadII

Embarrassed, yes, but it wasn't the first time something like this had happened.

said gently, you have bigger problems than to try and figure out what to do after the kids go to sleep. your husband is a dangerous out of control alcoholic and he has ABUSED you. that's not something a hot game of parchesi will resolve. I don't think he can just stop.

please think more about YOU and a bit less of him, right now?

wiscsober

Please seek out help from your local Alanon/AFG chapter to meet with some women and maybe attend a meeting. Time to focus on your self, thinking, actions.

A call to an abuse shelter or women's hotline may also be helpful.

Thank you for posting...you will help a lot of people.

Pelican

Welcome to the SR family!

Please make yourself at home by reading, posting, and venting when needed.

There are permanent posts at the top of this main page that contain some of our stories. I always find wisdom when I read in those posts the shares of other members who have already traveled the path I am currently on.

You asked for ideas. How about getting in the kitchen together and preparing some great meals that can be frozen and heated during the week or enjoyed as leftovers during the weekend. That would give you time to do something more interesting during the day with your children.

Or you could teach him domestic skills and he can help you get the laundry, dishes, dusting and mopping done so that you can spend the day together as a family.

about this:

Alcohol is a known depressant. Drinking is not a healthy method of coping for an alcoholic. I know. I am known as Pelican, and I am a recovering alcoholic with a history of depression. I was not able to effectively treat my depression until alcohol was completely removed from my lifestyle.