CompletelyLost4

Well, I'm almost scared to say it, but this week has been. . .calm.

It probably helps that STBXAH is 5 hours away and actually working.

But. . .here is the deal. STBXAH is 6 days sober due to Antabuse. I know. . .whoopty-doo, but it's seriously his longest sober stint. He has been calm, easy-going on the phone. You all understand when I say I can practically smell the beer over the phone when he's had a drop. . .I'm not picking up on that. But he is starting the "this is difficult" talk again that usually starts a relapse. Tonight I called him with ball schedules, and he said he was bored out of his mind. . .never a good thing with him. Mentioned tonight the hotel had free beer happy hour, and he would normally be down there. My suggestion that he see if there's an AA meeting close was shut down as usual.

I guess what I'm asking is. . .for those of you with prior experience, is Antabuse by itself EVER an end-all? I'm thinking I am experiencing a calm before an impending relapse storm here, but wonder if I'm overreacting?

dandylion

Dear completelylost, at one time I took medical care of alcoholics and often prescribed antabuse for patients. These patients entered an intensive outpatient program plus AA. Most took antabuse for the first 3 months--and it acted as a helpful "tool" during the vulnerable period of time when they could be easily triggered to drink. It prevents one from acting on the impulse to drink because they will become very sick. Otherwise, it doesn't do anything else. Basically, a tool for MOTIVATED persons---because, if they are bound and determined to drink--they will stop taking the antabuse.

very sincerely, dandylion

MyGirlGracie

I'm in total agreement with Danylion... some will even tolerate the overwhelming sickness of drinking while on Antabuse just to get it out of their system... sad, but true. I have never heard of a successful case of "TRUE RECOVERY" by just taking antabuse. Listen to your gut... it knows.

BlueSkies1

It wouldn't surprise me if most drinkers on antabuse have to try drinking on it just once to see if it really works. Then they get very sick and realize it really does do that to them.
Calm before the storm...quite possibly. Not your concern anymore though, just his! Yay!

CompletelyLost4

He actually did drink while on it last week and was deathly ill from it, so I think that's part of the reason he's not drinking - I guess it was pretty bad.

I guess I was asking this because after living with him and the alcoholism for 13 years, I have obviously became a bit of a cynical witch. I don't trust that this is going to fix anything, he isn't attending meetings - NOTHING that was suggested at detox and agreed upon by us in counseling there has been followed. I just don't buy that this is it, and his family thinks that him being sober for 6 freaking days is cause for a parade.

I am really new to all of this - I just started reading Codependent No More, have attended Al-anon when I can between running my children all over creation, and am trying really, really hard to NOT feel guilty that I am still leaning towards divorce when he is "attempting" to get better. I know it's not my concern, and having him out of the house has brought so much peace to my children that I cannot imagine him coming back and disrupting that without a LOT of time and work on his part. On top of all of this going on, my grandmother whom I am extremely close to is battling pancreatic cancer and things are getting very bad, like been rushed to the ER twice this week already- I am helping out with her when I can and bringing food. Honestly, my grandmother's situation is one reason I decided to move my AH out - life is too short to live with someone who brings you down and causes chaos. She has put up with my demanding, verbally abusive grandpa for 62 years, and watching her fight cancer and still deal with him. . . she's a saint. Also, my sister is due any day with her first baby and since everyone else is crazy busy and her husband works 2nds, I am the one she is going to call if she goes into labor. I seriously feel like I am about to break, and just wish someone would come out and say, "You are OK, you have every right to feel like this." Right now I just feel very bitter and angry and alone.

SparkleKitty

You are OK, you have every right to feel like this!!

AnvilheadII

You're OK, and you have every right to feel exactly as you do!"



try to stay in the day and focus your energies on what is real and tangible and immediate. whatever your soon to be EX does about his drinking is NOT something that will be fixed in 6 days, or 60 days - and antabuse is NOT a cure. as you said he already tried to drink WHILE taking it (hoist the stupid flag), is already talking about being bored (oh boo hoo) and bringing up happy hour. he sounds like a kid got the sent to his room........NOT someone is is taking up the mantle of sobriety and being a responsible productive adult. you call about the kid's ball schedules, he whines about being bored......you two aren't even speaking the same language.

CompletelyLost4

@SparkleKitty - lol. . . thank you!

dandylion

Dear CompletelyLost, Yes!! "You have every reason to feel like this!!!!" Really. You have the human right to decide what kind of life you want to live. You are also responsible for creating what you want by the decisions and actions that you take. So does he. Being alcoholic, he may want to stay married, etc...but, may not willing to do what it takes.

You sound like you have been carrying a very heavy load of care-giving without a lot of care and support coming your way---for a long time.

Having gone through this with my own m other not too long ago (the hospice care), I so understand what you are going through. I am glad you are able to be with her and be a comfort to her now---this will comfort you in your memories.

sincerely, dandylion

CompletelyLost4

you call about the kid's ball schedules, he whines about being bored......you two aren't even speaking the same language.

I feel like I am dealing with my 12 year old when we talk. It is just another weak attempt at manipulation. I am so sick of the "poor me" mentality.