AnvilheadII

crazed - I see it more about Ziggy....having just got out of a relationship where ALCOHOL was a problem perhaps this early in a NEW relationship where ALCOHOL is at the very least been brought up as an ISSUE is worthy of some pondering.

ZiggyB

Hi all,
Thanks so much for the advice and opinions.

Spoke with my CBT therapist on the issue this morning. The focus of the discussion was my feelings around the comment from the BF. We both agreed that the comment kind of bruised my ego and whatever substances he chooses to put in his body have nothing to do with me and I need to stop feeling guilty or somehow responsible for his actions as it isn't my duty to be his Mother or police him.

What I am going to now is be supportive of his decision to lead a healthier lifestyle and ask what it is he needs from me in order to support his goals -- would that involve not drinking around him, or just listening or whatever....

I don't really think he is an alcoholic, he doesn't show a lot of the signs. He is very even tempered and sweet so far but as the saying goes around here on SR: "more will be revealed!"

Florence

Word. Here I am getting out of my marriage to an alcoholic. I stuck a toe in the dating pool and found myself at someone's house that was basically empty except for a freezer full of vodka and a kitchen full of red plastic cups.

The issue is not, "Does he have a problem?" The issue is, "Why do I keep finding myself in this situation?"

If I just got out of a relationship where a major part of it was spent "supporting" his health and well-being, and found myself in ANOTHER relationship where red flags about being signed on to "support" his health and well-being were going up this early on, I'd be considering my options.

Straight up, I'm not a crutch. I have my own needs and I'm not about to get in another relationship where I take on a role as support staff.

ZiggyB

Food for thought here as well, thank you...

fourmaggie

The issue is not, "Does he have a problem?" The issue is, "Why do I keep finding myself in this situation?"

keep forgetting this...its not about THEM anymore....its about me...

thanks for the reminder