Alcoholic Mother's Relapse
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Manchester, UK
Posts: 4
Alcoholic Mother's Relapse
Hi all, I'm new to this so my apologies if I waffle on a little.
For as long as I am able to remember (I'm 23 now), my mum has suffered with alcoholism. In and out of hospital due to poor health, severe falls, liver trouble, blackouts and terrible withdrawals, she's had ALL the help on offer. Her marriage has gone, her job has gone, no friends...just me and her living together.
Her last spell in hospital was January this year (caused by a withdrawal seizure) and since then she's been completely sober. The longest she'd been sober before this was probably 3/4 weeks. Life has been great for both of us and it's been brilliant having the mother I love back...until yesterday when I came home from work. That face, the face I know all too well...she's was drunk. I've never felt more let down. Relapses have happened before, but this time it seemed different. She'd been talking about the future, talking about how good it felt to be off the drink. I just don't know what to do anymore. I'm upset, angry and frightened.
I've just had enough. It's absolute hell living in a home with her when she's like this. I can't stand looking at her but I can't sleep at night worrying she'll fall down the stairs (again). I don't know what to do...cut all ties or just keep being let down like this?
I've never posted about it before, but I just really needed to get this off my chest.
Thanks.
For as long as I am able to remember (I'm 23 now), my mum has suffered with alcoholism. In and out of hospital due to poor health, severe falls, liver trouble, blackouts and terrible withdrawals, she's had ALL the help on offer. Her marriage has gone, her job has gone, no friends...just me and her living together.
Her last spell in hospital was January this year (caused by a withdrawal seizure) and since then she's been completely sober. The longest she'd been sober before this was probably 3/4 weeks. Life has been great for both of us and it's been brilliant having the mother I love back...until yesterday when I came home from work. That face, the face I know all too well...she's was drunk. I've never felt more let down. Relapses have happened before, but this time it seemed different. She'd been talking about the future, talking about how good it felt to be off the drink. I just don't know what to do anymore. I'm upset, angry and frightened.
I've just had enough. It's absolute hell living in a home with her when she's like this. I can't stand looking at her but I can't sleep at night worrying she'll fall down the stairs (again). I don't know what to do...cut all ties or just keep being let down like this?
I've never posted about it before, but I just really needed to get this off my chest.
Thanks.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: New York
Posts: 877
Hi Amy,
I'm so sorry for your pain. I don't have an alcoholic parent so I'm not sure what useful advice I have for you; I mainly just wanted to welcome you and tell you there are a lot of people here who care.
Do you go to Al Anon or an ACOA group? You need as much support as you get right now. Also, there is a ACOA section of SR. You could start reading over there.
Hugs to you.
I'm so sorry for your pain. I don't have an alcoholic parent so I'm not sure what useful advice I have for you; I mainly just wanted to welcome you and tell you there are a lot of people here who care.
Do you go to Al Anon or an ACOA group? You need as much support as you get right now. Also, there is a ACOA section of SR. You could start reading over there.
Hugs to you.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 1,407
Dear Amy, I'm so sorry for your pain. I understand all too well that feeling when you walk in the door and know they've relapsed just by the look on their face. For me, it was my ABF (now in recovery). But the feeling is all the same. You allow yourself to hope, then it's all dashed in a moment.
You don't have to make any decisions right today. Find an AlAnon group near you, and attend some meetings. You will find HUGE support in those meetings, and help sorting out your feelings about what to do next. Read "CoDependent No More" by Melody Beattie. Read the sticky's at the top of this page, and keep posting.
Until you decide what is best for you, it is possible to learn to detach from your Mom's behaviors. You can't change her decisions, but you can take care of yourself no matter what. Learn the 3 C's: you didn't Cause it, can't Cure it, and can't Control it. The only control you have is your reaction to the situation.
Just curious. Your Mom was sober. Was she in an active recovery program, or just not drinking? Sometimes if the A is abstaining, but not working on real recovery, they are doing what we call "white knuckling". That won't keep her sober long term.
You are young, take care of yourself. (((hugs)))
You don't have to make any decisions right today. Find an AlAnon group near you, and attend some meetings. You will find HUGE support in those meetings, and help sorting out your feelings about what to do next. Read "CoDependent No More" by Melody Beattie. Read the sticky's at the top of this page, and keep posting.
Until you decide what is best for you, it is possible to learn to detach from your Mom's behaviors. You can't change her decisions, but you can take care of yourself no matter what. Learn the 3 C's: you didn't Cause it, can't Cure it, and can't Control it. The only control you have is your reaction to the situation.
Just curious. Your Mom was sober. Was she in an active recovery program, or just not drinking? Sometimes if the A is abstaining, but not working on real recovery, they are doing what we call "white knuckling". That won't keep her sober long term.
You are young, take care of yourself. (((hugs)))
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Manchester, UK
Posts: 4
Just curious. Your Mom was sober. Was she in an active recovery program, or just not drinking? Sometimes if the A is abstaining, but not working on real recovery, they are doing what we call "white knuckling". That won't keep her sober long term.
You are young, take care of yourself. (((hugs)))[/QUOTE]
In the past, she's been on numerous recovery programmes, volunteer run programmes, been in dry houses and had support from family, doctors and other external agencies. I really don't see what more anyone can do for her. She's hell bent on killing herself - she's lucky to be alive now if I'm honest.
He last sober spell came after a severe seizure. She'd been unable to walk properly because of it and had therefore been unable to buy alcohol. There have been so many relapses in the last 3/4 years but I really thought this was different.
Thank you so much for your kind words, it means a lot.
'We're just a million little Gods causing rainstorms turning every good thing to rust'
You are young, take care of yourself. (((hugs)))[/QUOTE]
In the past, she's been on numerous recovery programmes, volunteer run programmes, been in dry houses and had support from family, doctors and other external agencies. I really don't see what more anyone can do for her. She's hell bent on killing herself - she's lucky to be alive now if I'm honest.
He last sober spell came after a severe seizure. She'd been unable to walk properly because of it and had therefore been unable to buy alcohol. There have been so many relapses in the last 3/4 years but I really thought this was different.
Thank you so much for your kind words, it means a lot.
'We're just a million little Gods causing rainstorms turning every good thing to rust'
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Lakeside, Ca
Posts: 10,208
just some thoughts
Originally Posted by AmyShambles 
I don't know what to do...cut all ties or just keep being let down like this?
if
and that's a big if
she still wishes to live with you
you can set the rules
attendance of one AA meeting each and every day
no drinking or please take it upon herself
to leave
this way you can tell her
the balls in your court now
I wish to help you
but
you also need to do your part
just some thoughts
onehigherpower
and that's a big if
she still wishes to live with you
you can set the rules
attendance of one AA meeting each and every day
no drinking or please take it upon herself
to leave
this way you can tell her
the balls in your court now
I wish to help you
but
you also need to do your part
just some thoughts
onehigherpower
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Lakeside, Ca
Posts: 10,208
a little poem for you mom
"The Poison That's Killing You"
You said you were done
you said you were through
please understand and see
the poison that's killing you.
Before your time
it will make you feel old
it's taking it's toll
has such a strong hold.
Are you going insane
the devil wants that to be
his grip is on you
it's what he wants to see.
Complete destruction of
your family and home
is what he's after
the devil's on the roam.
It will happen sooner than you think
this will all come to it's ends
the poison that's killing you
will take away loved one's and friends.
Bob Bowling (onehigherpower) 06-12-05
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