Can i vent a little bit?
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Can i vent a little bit?
People mean well. But my friends keep sending me links to websites about how to deal with stress. And while I thank them and move on, inside, I want to scream.
"Identify the causes of stress in your life." Done.
"Remove the causes of stress in your life."
Falling over laughing. Because you know that would never have occurred to me otherwise. That's like saying "if you have a stabbing pain on your foot and you find you have stepped on a rusty nail, remove it."
You know what the best thing of this whole thing is? I'm realizing exactly how incredibly annoying I must be to other people when I heap advice on them without being asked or without knowing the whole story.
So how will I try to handle that in the future?
I think I will, instead of giving people advice, ask them how they are thinking of handling the problem. Or, quite possibly, just shut the eff up and give them a hug.
"Identify the causes of stress in your life." Done.
"Remove the causes of stress in your life."
Falling over laughing. Because you know that would never have occurred to me otherwise. That's like saying "if you have a stabbing pain on your foot and you find you have stepped on a rusty nail, remove it."
You know what the best thing of this whole thing is? I'm realizing exactly how incredibly annoying I must be to other people when I heap advice on them without being asked or without knowing the whole story.
So how will I try to handle that in the future?
I think I will, instead of giving people advice, ask them how they are thinking of handling the problem. Or, quite possibly, just shut the eff up and give them a hug.
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Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 3,443
Hugs to everyone today!!!.
I have the exact same 'learning' in my life! I have shut up and I can only imagine how much more likable I am, lol, but that alone has reduced my stress soooo much. It is really much nicer to just be an ear to listen and comfort rather than always trying to fix it or offer solutions and advice.
I have someone in my life that is a raging, unidentified, co-dependent and when she isn't busy telling other people how to think, feel, behave, and fixing someone's problems she is ranting about how other's are not doing what she thinks they should to fix yet a third parties problems. It is exhausting and irritating for everyone around her and she herself seems pretty damn miserable most of the time. It is like a lesson/reminder before my eyes every single day.
I have the exact same 'learning' in my life! I have shut up and I can only imagine how much more likable I am, lol, but that alone has reduced my stress soooo much. It is really much nicer to just be an ear to listen and comfort rather than always trying to fix it or offer solutions and advice.
I have someone in my life that is a raging, unidentified, co-dependent and when she isn't busy telling other people how to think, feel, behave, and fixing someone's problems she is ranting about how other's are not doing what she thinks they should to fix yet a third parties problems. It is exhausting and irritating for everyone around her and she herself seems pretty damn miserable most of the time. It is like a lesson/reminder before my eyes every single day.
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Lakeside, Ca
Posts: 10,208
possibly the best thing to do
Originally Posted by lillamy 
I think I will, instead of giving people advice, ask them how they are thinking of handling the problem.
I am going to try to remember that
possibly the best thing to do in many situations
onehigherpower
possibly the best thing to do in many situations
onehigherpower
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Midwest, USA
Posts: 2,899
I have someone in my life that is a raging, unidentified, co-dependent and when she isn't busy telling other people how to think, feel, behave, and fixing someone's problems she is ranting about how other's are not doing what she thinks they should to fix yet a third parties problems. It is exhausting and irritating for everyone around her and she herself seems pretty damn miserable most of the time. It is like a lesson/reminder before my eyes every single day.
Ha.
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 55
"How are they thinking of handling the problem."
That is so perfect. I spend so much of my day doing all this research on how to fix my ABF's problems that I ignore my own. He is doing great now. He has not used since Thursday (which is a very long time for someone with a 35yo problem). So he's stopped using, he's gone to dr.s appointments, he's reading recovery literature, I've got our AA/Al-Anon meetings for the week all planned out, AND I still can't stop thinking about him, his problem, what else I need to do, he needs to do, we need to do to keep him on the road to recovery. Now that he is in recovery, I need to focus my energy on other priorities in my own life, but its so hard. Going to an al-anon meeting on Thursday. Any ideas of how to focus on the rest of my to-do list until then?
That is so perfect. I spend so much of my day doing all this research on how to fix my ABF's problems that I ignore my own. He is doing great now. He has not used since Thursday (which is a very long time for someone with a 35yo problem). So he's stopped using, he's gone to dr.s appointments, he's reading recovery literature, I've got our AA/Al-Anon meetings for the week all planned out, AND I still can't stop thinking about him, his problem, what else I need to do, he needs to do, we need to do to keep him on the road to recovery. Now that he is in recovery, I need to focus my energy on other priorities in my own life, but its so hard. Going to an al-anon meeting on Thursday. Any ideas of how to focus on the rest of my to-do list until then?
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