Feeling very alone...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Northern California
Posts: 106
I made it through the week with no contact with my son...its been a long week. Its been pretty quiet so Im assuming there have been no problems. I haven't gotten any calls from the school so he is at least attending. His counselor did call me a few days ago and said she had spoke to him and he told her he planned on going with me to Alabama when I left so that was good to hear but I have not heard anything from him.
Im waiting for him to come to me since my previous attempts at contact were not met well.....one thing ive learned from this is patients ....never has been my strong point but I have always been aware of that. I hope he is ok...I miss him.
Im waiting for him to come to me since my previous attempts at contact were not met well.....one thing ive learned from this is patients ....never has been my strong point but I have always been aware of that. I hope he is ok...I miss him.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
Dear My3sons, I just want to let you know that I have thought of you this week and I understand how hard this is on a parent--especially a single female parent with a male child. (I think of you as essentially single--due to lack of co-operation from your ex).
Out of my own curiosity (and interest for your son), what kind of environment will he find in Alabama--in terms of peer group. I think peer group was such an important factor with my kids--all kids, really.
very sincerely, dandylion
Out of my own curiosity (and interest for your son), what kind of environment will he find in Alabama--in terms of peer group. I think peer group was such an important factor with my kids--all kids, really.
very sincerely, dandylion
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Northern California
Posts: 106
Im hoping he takes the opportunity to find a different peer group, to get involved with sports again...I know he can go there and seek out the same type of kids he hangs out with here but Im staying positive. He has cousins there that are very involved with sports and since that is the only kids his age he will know there im hoping they get him back into it. We have all summer before school starts and he will get to know anyone...
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
Dear my3sonsnme, don't you think that as parents we have a big responsibility/role in supervising and directing where and how they spend their time and with whom? Even at your son's age (my own experience, here) we have to keep an eagle eye on who they are socializing with and what they are doing (exactly) at all times.
We can be a positive force by finding activities in the community that will challenge them and keep their interest. Like, music, church activities, different clubs, volunteer activities for young people, field trips--stuff like that. You work in a school--so I know that you are aware that kids are curious and learn and love to accomplish things that they can be proud of (no matter what they say).
Food for thought.........that's all
sincerely, dandylion
We can be a positive force by finding activities in the community that will challenge them and keep their interest. Like, music, church activities, different clubs, volunteer activities for young people, field trips--stuff like that. You work in a school--so I know that you are aware that kids are curious and learn and love to accomplish things that they can be proud of (no matter what they say).
Food for thought.........that's all
sincerely, dandylion
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Northern California
Posts: 106
I absolutely agree danylion...we have had several talks about how he could use this move to start over...no one will know him at his new school, he could "reinvent" himself..not that I don't love who he is but that he could start over and make new choices. He seemed excited about that....He has cousins that are very into sports as he was when he was younger..Im looking forward to seeing my son come back to himself .
Good news....He is back home, there were problems at his dads last weekend and we (my XAH and I) made the decision that he needed to come home. personally I think my XAH had had enough. He got a taste of what I was dealing with and was done. He had no clue how to deal with it and really just didn't want to. My son seems different...like he figured some things out regarding his dad and has just given up expecting anything anymore. We had a long talk last night and he apologized to me for how he has been acting...I don't expect miracles over night but It at least seems like he gets it a bit now...we will see.
He told me he was so unhappy there, but was angry at me. He felt like I had bailed on him. I explained that he could only push people so far and then they just don't know what to do..I love him and only want whats best. Im trying to do my job as a parent. He understood that.
Now I have a new dilemma Im concerned about...
Its always been known that the girlfriend drinks...my XAH has always said the beer he has at his house is not his its hers. My son has made it clear several times that he didn't like the fact that she drinks in front of his dad, he thought it was disrespectful. I have explained to him that his dad is an adult...its his choice. He has had yelling matches with his dad about this...said that he was being pathetic letting that happen. that was as much as I knew and my son had never met her so it was kind of a mute point.
Now of course he has met her...he said they went to a restaurant for dinner the first time they met and she "got wasted" and was being loud in the restaraunt. They went to a BBQ at her house and she "got drunk" and made a scene with one of her kids girlfriends (whom left crying) and lets her underage son drink. He did this in front of my son all night. while she was drinking she proceeded to tell my son that she had a lot of respect for me?????....he said it was awkward and he didn't like being around all the drinking with his dad. They also at one point while he was there gave her and her daughter a ride to a bar so they could drink and not drive. It seems there is a lot of drinking involved period.
My thought is I left the only home my sons had known because I didn't want them in that environment anymore. We ended up divorced because of his drinking problem and he has dragged my son right back into the same situation.
I don't want to say anything to him....but then I feel like I should at least make a comment about our son being uncomfortable. But then I think that he should be able to tell his dad this himself. He says he doesn't like to talk to his dad, he doesn't listen.
He is 16, at some point he needs to learn to speak up for himself, but I think the whole drinking thing is uncomfortable for him because of the history and he just doestn want to start a thing....
thoughts????????....I don't plan on saying anything for now. but it is boggling to me that a "recovering alcoholic" would choose to be involved in that situation.
Good news....He is back home, there were problems at his dads last weekend and we (my XAH and I) made the decision that he needed to come home. personally I think my XAH had had enough. He got a taste of what I was dealing with and was done. He had no clue how to deal with it and really just didn't want to. My son seems different...like he figured some things out regarding his dad and has just given up expecting anything anymore. We had a long talk last night and he apologized to me for how he has been acting...I don't expect miracles over night but It at least seems like he gets it a bit now...we will see.
He told me he was so unhappy there, but was angry at me. He felt like I had bailed on him. I explained that he could only push people so far and then they just don't know what to do..I love him and only want whats best. Im trying to do my job as a parent. He understood that.
Now I have a new dilemma Im concerned about...
Its always been known that the girlfriend drinks...my XAH has always said the beer he has at his house is not his its hers. My son has made it clear several times that he didn't like the fact that she drinks in front of his dad, he thought it was disrespectful. I have explained to him that his dad is an adult...its his choice. He has had yelling matches with his dad about this...said that he was being pathetic letting that happen. that was as much as I knew and my son had never met her so it was kind of a mute point.
Now of course he has met her...he said they went to a restaurant for dinner the first time they met and she "got wasted" and was being loud in the restaraunt. They went to a BBQ at her house and she "got drunk" and made a scene with one of her kids girlfriends (whom left crying) and lets her underage son drink. He did this in front of my son all night. while she was drinking she proceeded to tell my son that she had a lot of respect for me?????....he said it was awkward and he didn't like being around all the drinking with his dad. They also at one point while he was there gave her and her daughter a ride to a bar so they could drink and not drive. It seems there is a lot of drinking involved period.
My thought is I left the only home my sons had known because I didn't want them in that environment anymore. We ended up divorced because of his drinking problem and he has dragged my son right back into the same situation.
I don't want to say anything to him....but then I feel like I should at least make a comment about our son being uncomfortable. But then I think that he should be able to tell his dad this himself. He says he doesn't like to talk to his dad, he doesn't listen.
He is 16, at some point he needs to learn to speak up for himself, but I think the whole drinking thing is uncomfortable for him because of the history and he just doestn want to start a thing....
thoughts????????....I don't plan on saying anything for now. but it is boggling to me that a "recovering alcoholic" would choose to be involved in that situation.
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