1164

My wife who is a recovering Alchaholic who has had one binge in the last 2 years which was in August and whom attends AA meetings twice a week has left me saying i am not a good companion. I would always spend my time with her and our two children aged 3 and 5, and would go for a few beers on a Thursday after work the restof the time was spent doing family things. She did exactly the same thing 2 or so years ago but we reunited after 4 months of seperation. On both occassions i have said that it is illogical what she is doing and i have done research into mental illness and she ticks the boxes for Borderline personality disorder, her mother said she used to have mega tantrums as a child to the point they had an MRI scan which did show some abnormalities.
Last time she left she picked unknown men off the street on two occassions and went to their units for sex and also dated for a short period a man from NA.
I have tried to say to her that we should see someone or get a scan but she flies into complete denial and suggests i may have it.
I love her and our children more than anything . i am trying to act like i sort of dont care in the hope she will realise what we had together, when i see her for swapping over of the children she does not seem happy at all. What do i do???

MTSlideAddict

You have to do the best that you can for you. No matter what you tell her regarding a possible medical condition it is entirely up to her to treat. There is nothing you can do to MAKE her come back or to seek help.

In essence it is her choice to leave for whatever reason she wishes, and it is her choice to seek medical help for an illness. She has the power to control her life, and you have done on all you can by giving advice.

I'm sorry you're going through this. It's hard to know we are powerless to change someone even if we know they are not acting to their best interest.

Hugs.

LexieCat

You can accept the fact that she does not want to continue the marriage, work on recovering from the effects of living with her addiction (I strongly suggest going to Al-Anon), and be the best dad you can be to your two kids.

If she has mental health problems, she is the one who must address them. All you can do is to keep your kids safe and happy, as well as yourself. It can be done.

Hope you will stick around here, too--this is a great place for support.

1164

Thanks for your advice. The whole episode is history repeating itself, every 2 years or so for the past 10 she has done this and always when i am starting to move on (about 4 months) she comes back.