singlemom3

I am feeling a little lonely, it takes everything I have to not call him, and ask him to come and hug me. I know what that leads to and don't wanna go there, but I know he would do it if I said the word. I know, I know the insanity of it all. I don't want that insanity anymore. I know that for sure. I guess my best option would be to just go and cuddle with my kids. They have been feeling a little out of sorts too lately and I haven't been very responsive to there cries for affection because I have been trying to be so unemotional thinking that maybe not crying will make me stronger. Yes, its insane, that is why I am here. Thanks for listening.

sunflowergal29

You are so very welcome, Singlemom3!!!!
I'm just wondering- that lonliness- has he been able to get that outa you before? Lonliness comes from us thinking we need someone else to make us feel better. Sometimes when I'm tired I feel more emotional and more codie than ever, and then after a good nights sleep I feel totally different.
Remember the definition of insanity, and what Myles quoted- " If I want something different, I have to do something I've never done before." (or something to that affect).
It does get better, you've gotten so far. Why turn back now?

smoke gets in my eyes

Singlemom... cry. When we don't let grief out appropriately it can turn into all kinds of other things. With me it was explosive anger. With you... it might feel like loneliness. Cry. Get the schmaltziest movie you can think of and a box of kleenex and go for the gold.

Hugs,
Smoke

myles1

When I became single I threw myself into spending time with my son and also put a big teddy bear on my bed to cuddle with at night.

When I had those lonely feelings I'd do stuff, rent a movie, go to a meeting,go see a friend or simply work through it remembering the insanity I was in. Eventually it passed or became bearable so I didn't act on it.

Ngaire

myles1

Actually I painted my house is what I did. That helped tremendously having a project like that.

Ngaire

kodfishy

My counselor advised me to make a list of the reasons I didn't want to be with AH. She told me to take it out and read it out loud when I feel lonely.

It works. It's a hell of a list.

singlemom3

Thanx guys, ((((((((((hugs for all))))))))))))) I feel better today, sfg was right i needed a good night sleep and im feeling better. I am forever grateful for all the advice that has been given to me on here. You guys are my lifeline right now. Thank you again.

Ann

I agree with the good stuff above, but want to add "Get a Cat".

My husband (who is not an A but a great guy) often works out of town, right now he is in Alberta (I'm in Ontario) and I can honestly say that my cat keeps good company. He greets me when I come home, he cuddles me all the time and he sleeps curled up with me. And he never talks back. He has, however, taken to catching mice outside and bringing them home to me, and that needs work, a lot of work.

Hugs
Ann and Toby

Gracie1953

Go ahead and cry. Crying is a stress reliever. It's also a way of mourning a loss, not neccessarily of what you had but what you wished you had. I used to cry everytime I heard or saw Titanic, only because it was the only movie I ever saw with the A I was going out with. It only reminded me of what I didn't have.

So, have a good cry and then try something new, anything -- a new hobby, a class, etc. It does work. It will let you know that there is life beyond abuse.


Hugs,

Gracie

boryad

Pssst, Myles? Wanna lemme know next time you're lonely/sad? My house needs help.

osier59

Ann?

Groucho and I agree - yes, get a CAT. They are easy and great company.

Barb

singlemom3

I'm not allowed cats where I live, but its a good idea.lol

myles1

SWC,




Ngaire

jessieandme2003

Hi Singlemom.

I know exactly how you feel. I have been there before, and I am there now again. I agree it is insanity, but you are not alone by any means.

That is why I want to also add to keep coming here. Have you ntoiced how much better you can feel when you read the posts and find out you are reacting just like lots of other people? I find it makes me feel so much better. Today I read the one about sex and laughed and laughed. Boy is that my AH! There is always something here that reminds me I am dealing with a common household variety AH, and all his garbage "ain't nothin' new". Somehow that comforts me.

I have made the call, plenty of times, just to have him say he loves me. Yet I know it means nothing in the end, as his kind of love seems to just suck. It just takes a while to get to the point where you don't want to make that call anymore.