SolTraveler

I need advice. I am in recovery as a codie and since I have found out I am pregnant (now almost 6 months pregnant) and off my anxiety meds, my codie behaviors/obsessive behaviors are back in full swing!

My ABF sends and receives a decent amount of text messages. A long time ago, we agreed to never ask about our private communications because we both have old friends of the opposite sex and we agreed to trust each other.

But... I can't! I have been cheated on in more than one past relationship (as well as cheated, which I am not proud of and would never do again) and so I secretly think that everyone would cheat, given the opportunity. I know that is wrong. For example, I would not cheat, and despite my ABF's many, many (many) flaws, I don't believe he would either. His entire childhood was shaped by his mother's affair with his dad's best friend, and he hates cheaters.

But I can't stop checking his texts. His work publishes all of the employees' phone numbers so whenever someone needs anything, he gets a text. Sometimes he gets a lot of texts in one day, some work related and some not.

The problem is, whenever I see one that is from a female I don't know, I obsess over it. "Who is she? Does he work with her or did he meet her at the bar? Is he cheating on me? OMG - if he is, I am going to be so hurt/feel like such a fool...."

ARGH! Why does this trigger my anxiety so much?? Why can't I just let it go, for my own sanity?? I am literally driving myself nuts.

I mean seriously, if he is going to cheat on me, there is nothing I can do about it, and i will find out eventually. And I will kick him to the curb, no questions asked. So why worry?

So, aside from telling me I am a ninny, which I am well aware of, how can I stop? My meds kept all this completely under control but now I can't have them because of the pregnancy.

I tried therapy but the therapist spent the entire time lecturing me about being with an alcoholic so it was not helpful with my codie/anxiety issues.

AnvilheadII

you are six months pregnant....you get a pass on slightly intense emotional behaviors!!! all your senses are heightened right now, your hormone levels are just wonkers right now.

you gotta let the text thing go. think about it like any other unhealthy thing you would stop doing while pregnant....drinking, smoking, boxing, drugs...create a safe bubble around you for your baby to grow in.....only GOOD stuff. be well.

SolTraveler

Thanks, Anvilhead. Man, this is hitting me so hard. And the worst part is, it is hard to separate out what is genuine anger with him and what is anxiety/codependency. As a result, the best course of action, I suppose, is to just try my best to leave it the He** alone.

I am lucky that my ABF is very understanding about my anxiety and depression. Not understanding enough to stop his twice a week journeys to the bar, but enough to be there for me otherwise and listen to me cry. I have to give him that, at least.

I also think I need to get back into therapy with a different therapist. I really want to focus on MY anxiety and MY codie behaviors and how to fix it. Sigh.... I have really come a long way and I want more than anything to get back on track.

wicked

a different therapist is a great idea, and you have a specific goal.
that is a great start to getting back on track.


Taking care of baby (sung to "takin care of business)
LOL an oldie for sure!

CeciliaV

yes on the different therapist...none of us need to pay someone to lecture us on the pitfalls of being with an A (I think we've all heard that for free from friends, family, other SR members, etc.), so finding someone who you are comfortable with and who can help you work through your stuffs is a good idea. Good luck!