Terrispots

About an hour ago I sent my ASis an email letting her know that I would like her to move out by the 26th of May. I let her know that I didnt like handling this in an email but that I had wanted to have a conversation about the issues, but since she couldnt do that, this is how it had to be done.

Now I sit here sick to my stomach, waiting for the fall out. Every email that comes into my email box at work makes me cringe...

I have no idea what I am going to go home to.

I looked at the history in my computer she was using to see how much job searching she was doing. None in three days. She has no money coming in but she took her son to the zoo at $35 plus food and gas. Plus eating out other days, and buying alcohol.

she went to DHHS and got food stamps and signed up for free school programs.

She is buying all of his snacks and donuts but no real food for meals. No meats, etc. I have to see how she is handling this stuff, cause we already discussed that she is taking care of her and her son's meals and DH and I are taking care of ours. We are not doing joint meals because we are on different schedules.

I have GOT to detach. I am obsessing about all of it. Alanon meeting tonight...

wicked

Excellent work! She has notice now, and I would print it out, and anything she sends in return. No, wait on that. Send her replies to another folder. Then, you won't have to read them now and if necessary when you feel stronger, you will have them to shore you up later.

She knows how to survive then. Try to keep this in mind. She does not NEED anything from either one of you. Keep strong TS.



Beth

Terrispots

Ugh, I wish I had read this first.. of course I got a response, I should not have read it, or responded. But I feel ok about what I said.

she went into her pity party, how I am just pissed and wont get over it, and how she is at the bottom of the barrell.

I called BS. I told her that it isnt just that I am pissed, that she treats me like crap and I am not putting up with it, that she isnt going to walk around my house drunk in front of her kid and that she is broke and doesnt need to spend money on alcohol. Of course there was a little more to it and tried to be diplomatic about it, but I am sure all hell is about to break loose.

UGH. No more emails. No more responses.

fedup3

Terri, you don't have to try and validate your feelings or actions, it's your HOUSE! When a guest is in someones' home you adhere to what is expected when living there. Your sister is just QUACKING!

Terrispots

Someone chop my fingers off so I will stop responding.

fourmaggie

she is a grown adult....let her live it....but not in your house...thats all

stop the guilt...guilt is nothing...you where helpiing her for a time now its time for her to leave thats all....you are enabling her...

SparkleKitty

Terri! The more you respond and engage with every comment and accusation the more you reinforce her denial and blame-shifting. Doesn't make sense but it is true. She LITERALLY JUST WANTS ATTENTION IN THE FORM OF A RESPONSE.

Alcoholics count on their families behaving as though everything is normal and fine. It can be total hell on the person who finally breaks this cycle but it is WORTH IT! Stay strong!

wicked

TS,

You are doing okay.
She is doing what alcoholics do, (i was one) self pitying quacking.

If you are pissed and won't get over it, then how is living with her going to change that?
LOL
[Drunk logic] Yeah, you MUST put up with me, because you are angry with me, and put me last (bottom of the barrel). You owe me because we are related. And mommy always liked you best.
I live here but owe you nothing, not even the respect I would give a stranger. [/drunk logic]

A possible boundary: I will not have a conversation with anyone who does not respect me.
The respect she would give anyone else other than you.

Hold on tight and remember it is all quacking and her protecting her addiction.
You have a life to live, and you want all negativity out.

alanon meeting is a fantastic idea.

atalose

Stop engaging her, it’s pointless and you are exhausting your efforts and emotions on someone who is unable at this time to hear what you are trying to say to her.

You are arguing with an alcohol soaked brain and expecting rational responses in return.

Your doing the typical codies – alcoholic dance – it goes round and round and round until you are so dizzy and worn down you have no choice put to retreat.

Stop the madness!! and again, if she gets out of hand tonight in YOUR home call 911 and have her removed.

sober1ck

chop.

Terrispots

She gave me the whole I decided to stop drinking. I wasnt drunk last night, wine does nothing for me, all the terrible things about drinking. I am not drinking any more. Blah, blah, blah.

I said the move out date still stands. And, I think she could benefit from AA meetings.


That is a first to come out of me to her. We will see how that goes over.

I am staying firm, my gut hurts, but am staying firm. I am staying firm. I am staying firm.

Crazed

It appears that she is now in the "passive" phase.
This may switch to the "anger" phase....
Or the "bargaining" phase...
Followed by the "poor me" phase....
... not necessarily in that order.

Be strong.

SparkleKitty

You are doing great, Terri. Good on you.

wicked

How many hours did that take? LOL

TS
Your strength now is to stand firm.
No discussion about the move out date.

She might ramp it up, and that is why you cannot respond.
Her attitude is going to change with the wind.
There is no discussion.

Terrispots

OMG! That is exactly what it is like!

Terrispots

Al Anon at 6:30pm!

fourmaggie

keep up the good work....

ur tangled life will become untangled...time to separate what you can not change and what YOU can CHANGE....

if your looking for approval on what you are doing is rite? then we will cheer for you...you are doing what needs to be done for YOU...