Keljot

This is my first post on these forums. My son has struggled with drugs and depression for the past 3-4 years. He is attending college and doing well in school because he is VERY SMART and this comes naturally to him.

However, he continues to get deeper and deeper into drugs. His personality has changed 100%. He is into a bunch of crazy radical thinking and goes to private FB groups that discuss this CRAP! It is a lot of the Joe Rogan way of thinking.

Apparently, he was recently kicked off his college golf team. He jumped off a dorm room balcony over the weekend to prove that he can. According to him, he proved that God is real!

This morning I received a call from my ex husband that he is now in jail. He was out of control at his dorm last night and his roommates called the police. I called and spoke with the jailer and, because he is a legal adult, they cannot tell me much but said he most likely will not be able to go before a judge, as originally planned, because he is still acting out and apparently the drugs have not worn off. I was told by my ex husband, whom I get along with great, that my son admitted to taking acid.

I am just sick! There are only about 10 days left of school. I want him to be able to finish so he doesn't lose an entire semester of college credit that he is paying for but I know he cannot go back to the same situation.

I'm considering bringing him home, if he will come, and driving him 90 minutes to and from classes until school is out. Then, hope that he will voluntarily get some rehab. I'm quite sure this wont happen. I may need to try and have him committed this afternoon. I just don't know what to do!! I'm sick to my stomach and in tears.

I would really appreciate any advice you may have!!

MsPINKAcres

welcome to our SR family

This is a wonderful place to find support and help as we learn to deal with our loved ones that are affected by the disease of alcoholism/addiction

I hate so much that your son is going thru this terrible time - hopefully he will be willing to reach out for help

until then - the best suggestion I can have is to possibly look for help and healing for you - thru reading and posting here, reading recovery literature and possibly attending al-anon meetings - these are great resources to help you know some of the best ways to decide the healthy options you have in dealing with your son.

I know for me in dealing with my adult daughter - they have truly helped me.

wishing you & your son the very best

pink hugs

LexieCat

I would forget about school this semester. I know it seems like a waste of money, but he is not stable, and probably won't be for quite some time.

I doubt you are going to be able to involuntarily commit him. He is "in the system" and if the judge feels he needs mental health treatment, the judge can order it. I wouldn't bail him out, though, and I wouldn't hire a lawyer for him. Public defenders usually have very good connections with mental health services.

Keep breathing. You don't know right now too much about what is going on. Let him get stabilized, and you can consider your next move. It may not be safe for you to have him at home.

dandylion

Dear Keljot, the semester of lost credit is the least of your worries---in my opinion. As a m other who has been down this kind of road (alcohol--not drugs), you must look carefully at your own actions---so as to not enable him. You will not be helping him by getting in the way of the natural consequences.

Rehab/treatment could possibly be of help to him---environment is very influential at this age (due to immaturity). It sounds like his current environment has not been a positive influence on him.

Mom, you are going to need support for yourself----this is hard for a parent. You can get lots of information and support on this forum also. Many others have been in your situation. There is a lot to learn!! Trust me, I had to learn a lot the hard way!

Please hang around--and let us know how it is going.

very sincerely, dandylion

Florence

I would let go of this school semester. This is just going to be a chore and a struggle for you. It doesn't help him with his root issues, which is the erratic behavior and drug and alcohol abuse.

Don't bail him out, don't clean up his mess, as difficult as it is. Let him suffer the consequences of his adult decisions. Suffering the consequences of their bad behavior is the way that addicts get uncomfortable enough that they are willing to make big, lifetime changes.

Also, welcome! There are a lot of parents of addicts on these forums. A lot of wisdom here. Hang out, learn as much as you can.

Keljot

Thank you so much for your quick responses! Honestly, my biggest hope is that the judge WILL have him committed! Otherwise, I don't know what to do with him. I am definitely not bailing him out but it sounds like he will be released today once he is able to appear before a judge.

I did just get a call from the school saying he is not allowed back in his dorm. His roommates are afraid of him. This doesn't surprise me. I would be afraid too.

So, I'm scrambling to get going...almost a two hour drive. It's going to be a long day of tears.

SolTraveler

Keljot-

I see this from two perspectives: 1. (Perhaps more importantly) I am a college professor. I see kids like your son all the time - good, bright kids who, for whatever reason, get hooked on drugs or alcohol. My advice is to let him fail this semester and keep him out of school until he recovers. Schools are understanding about one bad semester and even if this wrecks his GPA, he can file an appeal to come back later when he can concentrate on his studies. Right now, his health is much more important and trying to keep him in school when he can't give it the proper attention will not only make it more difficult for him to graduate in the end, but it will also make him feel like more of a failure.

2. I was the girlfriend of a kid like your son not so long ago. My boyfriend (who is still my boyfriend now after being apart for over a decade) has a past that is just like your son's. He is one of the brightest, most caring people I know but as soon as he started "partying" there was no going back. It took me, his childhood sweetheart, breaking up with him and several stints in jail before he finally got off the drugs. He put his family through hell and back.

I would advise you to let him hit bottom. At first, my boyfriend's parents tried everything, including having him committed. He had to hit bottom on his own. It was a very low bottom, unfortunately, but he did not manage to get off the drugs until he found it. Be supportive, be there for him, but do not bail him out in any way, shape, or form. I know it is hard, but that may be his only chance.

Al-Anon meetings can help too. You need to take care of yourself and learn from those who have been there how to keep your sanity during this difficult time.

My heart aches for you, and I hope he straightens up. ((Hugs))

Alex

HopefulmomtoD

I would most likely forget this semester, but you could call the university and see if he could get put on medical leave/incomplete status and see if he could finish up later on?

My son was in rehab last May with many college students in similar situations. I kind of remember several of them doing this ....

SolTraveler

This might work too, but find out how long he would have to complete it. At my university, we give them 10 weeks, and if they do not finish the incomplete reverts to an F. If he is really on board with getting treatment, this might be a great option. If not... it might not be worth bothering with.

thislonelygirl

i agree with others. the school semester is the least of the issues, the first problem is his drug use because without dealing with that...he would be in no shape to finish out school anyhow nor would it kick him in the right direction.
him living back home and going to school is not a bad idea though....(im not suggesting you babysit him or drive him to and from BUT obviously his living situation inside the dorm is an issue here)
Youve stated his drug use has gone on for 3 to 4 years and he has changed resulting in jail time. I would encourage him to put recovery before everything else, even school. atleast for the time being. Hes young enough that he can truly turn his life around now. best of luck