Which way is up?
 

I am new here and really need some wisdom. I am married to a good man and am lucky enough to have a wonderful child. I have the career I always dreamed about but I decided to check out 3 years ago. I have lived the last few years half alive. I have been sober 1 week and can not stop the feeling of impending doom. I am realizing the gravity of what I have done and fear that the damage I have caused is permanent. I was never the type of drunk that made loud scenes or lost total control of things I simply lived a numb life and have in turn damaged my connection to everyone. My biggest fear is losing my family. My husband says that he still loves me. We do not connect like we did. I feel lonely all the time. Is the best thing for me to do stay here and try to rebuild or get away and resolve this chaos on my own. I can not dream of life without him but I do not want to be the broken one who let the darkness into our home either. Is there hope? Has anyone lived through this? I am working each day not to hate who I have become and try and be the person I know that I truly am. I can not wait until I am able to smile with a true sense of joy again. help

you are sober and thats great news! first your MAIN concern should be to remaining sober. take the steps neccesary to make this a life long promise to yourself and follow the steps needed to live a sober life.whatever it takes even if that means getting away and into a treatment program as your husband will be there when you come out.
second that leap is made and you are remaining sober you can work on repairing the relationships around you. if you are not well and not sober....these relationships cannot be mended. while mending them it is important to remember that the main concern for you and your loved ones is sobreity. everything else will follow and things will and do get better.
right now you have only remained sober for a week. it is natural to feel the way you do, these things take time and work.
best luck

nod,

Are you in a recovery program, such as AA? I'm sober four and a half years in AA, and it has really changed my life. At one week sober, your emotions are all over the place--I remember it well. Working a recovery program can help put all the pieces into place--all the pieces that didn't fit before. There are never any guarantees that sobriety will save a marriage or a relationship, but drinking is guaranteed to destroy it. If you nurture your sobriety, you WILL smile again with real joy, I can promise you that.

((Nod)) :welcome

Good for you! Admitting you need help is painful and difficult, but you did it, and you made it through the first week!

I have almost a year in recovery. As others have said, the first step is getting into some sort of program and remaining sober. After drinking so hard core for so long, maybe inpatient is right for you? If not, AA is a great place to start and get your 90 meetings in 90 days, get a sponsor, and go from there.

The best thing you can do is get well for your husband and son, as well as for yourself. Once you are standing on solid ground, you can worry about actively trying to make amends to them.

((Hugs)) Hang in there. You are definitely not alone.

Hello Nod and Welcome!

I'm sorry to hear that you chose to live the way you did. Alcoholism is a cunning, baffling, and powerful thing.

Wonderful news that you have come to the realization that you need to change something--that you need to stop drinking.

Now that you have made that decision, do you have a plan? There are many, many paths to recovery.

You will find a lot of kindred spirits in our 'Newcomers to Recovery' forum, too. Lots of people who are going through this very thing at the same time. I hope you will take the time to check it out!

Newcomers to Recovery - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

Welcome, again! We are open 24/7. Please make yourself at home :)

hi nod, welcome and congrats on your week of sobriety! This must be a tough time for you...as Lexie said, your emotions are probably all over the place right now. Your body has been through a lot, and it's also going through a lot in your new-found sobriety. If you're not currently working a program, you really could benefit from one - you could use support and guidance and people to reach out to. There's AA, Smart Recovery, Rational Recovery, therapy, etc. Please do reach out for help.

As for relationships...I have to agree with others here who have said that sobriety must come first. You need to heal yourself before you can start to heal your relationships. Being a present, clear, sober you is priority number one, and the rest will follow with time.

Good luck to you - keep reaching out! :hug: