Son in hospital after attempted suicide
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I recently read Jackson Galaxy's book. It is a great read!! It is about his relationship with a particular homeless cat as he describes his life from drug addiction (he had suicidal thought, too) to becoming a self-taught cat guru---Quite an incredible journey that he has had.
I recommend this book for anyone struggling with addiction and trying to find their way back from being lost..... ***Warning, the book is very real and he worked in an animal shelter in New York City, early on---some of the stories may be a bit too graphic for some animal lovers. (I skipped some of those parts, myself).
sincerely, dandylion (lover of God's creatures)
***dandylion rating---I give it 4 hankies
I recommend this book for anyone struggling with addiction and trying to find their way back from being lost..... ***Warning, the book is very real and he worked in an animal shelter in New York City, early on---some of the stories may be a bit too graphic for some animal lovers. (I skipped some of those parts, myself).
sincerely, dandylion (lover of God's creatures)
***dandylion rating---I give it 4 hankies
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Dallas, Texas originally from Michigan
Posts: 125
Scarlett... so very sorry about your son. Thankfully he has very caring and nurturing family!
There are other recovery programs out there besides AA. One I am familiar with is SMART Recovery that is based on rational emotive behavioral therapy. This is their website:
Self Help Substance Abuse & Addiction Recovery | SMART RecoveryŽ
I am a major cat person and I think that his cat may be shedding due to stress. He/she was living in a very unhealthy environment (as you described in your first posts). When in that environment, cats are too stressed to play. Since you have taken over, sounds like he/she has relaxed some and is playing now.
I am not sure if it is such a good thing for your son to have a pet at this point. He can barely take care of himself. I would try to see if he would be willing to find a good home for the cat. In addition, this would free him of that responsibility. Maybe your daughter could take the cat?
I was also concerned about the duel diagnosis of depression and substance abuse. As a rule, drinking and anti-depressants are very dangerous together. I am sure the hospital is aware of this.
Best of luck to you. Take care of yourself too!
There are other recovery programs out there besides AA. One I am familiar with is SMART Recovery that is based on rational emotive behavioral therapy. This is their website:
Self Help Substance Abuse & Addiction Recovery | SMART RecoveryŽ
I am a major cat person and I think that his cat may be shedding due to stress. He/she was living in a very unhealthy environment (as you described in your first posts). When in that environment, cats are too stressed to play. Since you have taken over, sounds like he/she has relaxed some and is playing now.
I am not sure if it is such a good thing for your son to have a pet at this point. He can barely take care of himself. I would try to see if he would be willing to find a good home for the cat. In addition, this would free him of that responsibility. Maybe your daughter could take the cat?
I was also concerned about the duel diagnosis of depression and substance abuse. As a rule, drinking and anti-depressants are very dangerous together. I am sure the hospital is aware of this.
Best of luck to you. Take care of yourself too!
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 60
Originally Posted by wicked 
Cats love toys! If you get a chance try to see that show. It is on animal planet.
I am more of a dog person myself.
miniature dachshund.
Yes, I think the long hair cats can shed as much your golden. But they like to be combed too, or they can learn.
My daughter had two cats with us in an apartment, and my Bissell picked up all the hair.
I am so glad you are caring for his cat. He sounds like an even tempered, lovely and loving cat.
13 siblings! eeeeeekkkk!
My daughter has a cat who will play catch and retrieve with a small bow, carrying it in her mouth and drop it at my daughters feet!
do you watch cesar milan? I love him too!
Jackson Galaxy is the cat guy.
Beth
I am more of a dog person myself.
miniature dachshund.Yes, I think the long hair cats can shed as much your golden. But they like to be combed too, or they can learn.
My daughter had two cats with us in an apartment, and my Bissell picked up all the hair.
I am so glad you are caring for his cat. He sounds like an even tempered, lovely and loving cat.
13 siblings! eeeeeekkkk!
My daughter has a cat who will play catch and retrieve with a small bow, carrying it in her mouth and drop it at my daughters feet!
do you watch cesar milan? I love him too!
Jackson Galaxy is the cat guy.
Beth
Oh -- and speaking of vacuum cleaners -- my son didn't have one. We have central vac now and had several old vacuums in the garage, so I put one in his storage closet. It took the cat a minute to get used to the vacuum. lol He finally stopped acting leery of it.
Originally Posted by dandylion
I recently read Jackson Galaxy's book. It is a great read!! It is about his relationship with a particular homeless cat as he describes his life from drug addiction (he had suicidal thought, too) to becoming a self-taught cat guru---Quite an incredible journey that he has had.
I recommend this book for anyone struggling with addiction and trying to find their way back from being lost..... ***Warning, the book is very real and he worked in an animal shelter in New York City, early on---some of the stories may be a bit too graphic for some animal lovers. (I skipped some of those parts, myself).
sincerely, dandylion (lover of God's creatures)
***dandylion rating---I give it 4 hankies
I recommend this book for anyone struggling with addiction and trying to find their way back from being lost..... ***Warning, the book is very real and he worked in an animal shelter in New York City, early on---some of the stories may be a bit too graphic for some animal lovers. (I skipped some of those parts, myself).
sincerely, dandylion (lover of God's creatures)
***dandylion rating---I give it 4 hankies
Originally Posted by SadieJack
Scarlett... so very sorry about your son. Thankfully he has very caring and nurturing family!
There are other recovery programs out there besides AA. One I am familiar with is SMART Recovery that is based on rational emotive behavioral therapy. This is their website:
Self Help Substance Abuse & Addiction Recovery | SMART RecoveryŽ
I am a major cat person and I think that his cat may be shedding due to stress. He/she was living in a very unhealthy environment (as you described in your first posts). When in that environment, cats are too stressed to play. Since you have taken over, sounds like he/she has relaxed some and is playing now.
I am not sure if it is such a good thing for your son to have a pet at this point. He can barely take care of himself. I would try to see if he would be willing to find a good home for the cat. In addition, this would free him of that responsibility. Maybe your daughter could take the cat?
I was also concerned about the duel diagnosis of depression and substance abuse. As a rule, drinking and anti-depressants are very dangerous together. I am sure the hospital is aware of this.
Best of luck to you. Take care of yourself too!
There are other recovery programs out there besides AA. One I am familiar with is SMART Recovery that is based on rational emotive behavioral therapy. This is their website:
Self Help Substance Abuse & Addiction Recovery | SMART RecoveryŽ
I am a major cat person and I think that his cat may be shedding due to stress. He/she was living in a very unhealthy environment (as you described in your first posts). When in that environment, cats are too stressed to play. Since you have taken over, sounds like he/she has relaxed some and is playing now.
I am not sure if it is such a good thing for your son to have a pet at this point. He can barely take care of himself. I would try to see if he would be willing to find a good home for the cat. In addition, this would free him of that responsibility. Maybe your daughter could take the cat?
I was also concerned about the duel diagnosis of depression and substance abuse. As a rule, drinking and anti-depressants are very dangerous together. I am sure the hospital is aware of this.
Best of luck to you. Take care of yourself too!
I'm hoping if my son recovers the cat and him might rediscover a friendship. My daughter has a brand new baby and a pug, so I don't think she'd want a cat.
I would actually take the cat in quite easily if it weren't for my dang husband.
Kidding! I love my husband, but I don't think he's too keen on caring for a cat. I think my dogs would adjust fine.The cat is doing much better now. Today I took him a much better litter box and a mat to go under it. I also picked him up three mice toys and played with him for about an hour and a half. He was hilarious and loved playing.
I'll remember to talk to the doctor about my concerns regarding antidepressants and a possible relapse into drinking while taking them.
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Oh -- and I meant to say my Golden Retriever is not too pleased with me leaving him to visit the cat. I wonder if he can smell the cat on me? :p
We didn't hear from our son yesterday, so I hope he calls today. Since I talked to the social worker and she said AA was a requirement with the intensive out patient therapy I've been wondering how this will effect when they decide to discharge him? They eventually have to just tell him it's a requirement of the intensive therapy and he will either be willing or not willing to do it.
We didn't hear from our son yesterday, so I hope he calls today. Since I talked to the social worker and she said AA was a requirement with the intensive out patient therapy I've been wondering how this will effect when they decide to discharge him? They eventually have to just tell him it's a requirement of the intensive therapy and he will either be willing or not willing to do it.
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Location: New York
Posts: 877
I'm feeling like the cat might be good for your son. Pets can be so healing..I find so much comfort in mine. Whenever I'm with them, I feel so grateful they can't be alcoholics which of course is absurd, but it's how I really feel.
Scarlett, things sound like they are going better for you and your son. I'm so glad.
Scarlett, things sound like they are going better for you and your son. I'm so glad.
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Waterford MI
Posts: 4,202
The cat is doing much better now. Today I took him a much better litter box and a mat to go under it. I also picked him up three mice toys and played with him for about an hour and a half. He was hilarious and loved playing.
And leaving the TV on for your pets. I do it too!
Of course the golden loves golf, putting it on golf channel makes perfect sense.
They love the outdoors, all that grass and they love people outdoors.
I just imagine that lovely dog on the porch watching the golfers stroll past him.
Yes, your dogs would adjust, but if your hubby doesn't want to, I understand that completely.
My daughter's boyfriend brought two cats to her, which meant to my one bedroom apartment.
ACK!! I love the cats, but do not miss what comes with cats.
My dog....she is queen of the apartment and the cats got out of her way.
I take medication for my MDD (major depressive disorder) and it is a miracle.
It did not work when I was still drinking. Nothing would work while my mind was still sick.
My doctors (and there were several different ones, all psychiatrists, while on active duty)
never said it was dangerous to take anti depressants and drink.
It was just they could not work while I was still adjusting my brain chemicals with alcohol.
Of course, I am not a doctor, nor do I play one on TV.
Just my experience with alcohol and my anti d's. (SSRI's)
Beth
dandylion, I cannot believe I forgot that a cat helped Jackson when he was so depressed he considered suicide.
I have seen that episode twice!
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Dallas, Texas originally from Michigan
Posts: 125
Beth - It can be dangerous to take antidepressants and alcohol. Your doctors should have told you that!! Check it out:
Antidepressants and alcohol: What is the concern? - MayoClinic.com
Alcohol and Antidepressants - PDR Health
Antidepressants and alcohol: What is the concern? - MayoClinic.com
Alcohol and Antidepressants - PDR Health
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Waterford MI
Posts: 4,202
I'll remember to talk to the doctor about my concerns regarding antidepressants and a possible relapse into drinking while taking them.
They will not work and will bring on other problems, maybe more depression.
I want to be clear that my doctors did say:
"Do not drink on this medication."
I also receive a very long, very detailed action/interaction paper with every refill.
Obviously, my experience (as a middle aged woman, recovering alcoholic) is going to be sooo different from your sons.
If I sounded like there is no danger combining anti-d's with alcohol, that was not my intention.
My hope is that if he takes a medication he will not drink with it.
I am a mom of addicts too.
Beth
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 60
Thanks so much everyone! I've been on the go today because my son was released from the hospital. I took him by his apartment and to the drug store. I will update and respond to y'all in the morning. I really appreciate all of your advice.
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Originally Posted by wicked
I love this!
And leaving the TV on for your pets. I do it too!
Of course the golden loves golf, putting it on golf channel makes perfect sense.
They love the outdoors, all that grass and they love people outdoors.
I just imagine that lovely dog on the porch watching the golfers stroll past him.
Yes, your dogs would adjust, but if your hubby doesn't want to, I understand that completely.
My daughter's boyfriend brought two cats to her, which meant to my one bedroom apartment.
ACK!! I love the cats, but do not miss what comes with cats.
My dog....she is queen of the apartment and the cats got out of her way.
I take medication for my MDD (major depressive disorder) and it is a miracle.
It did not work when I was still drinking. Nothing would work while my mind was still sick.
My doctors (and there were several different ones, all psychiatrists, while on active duty)
never said it was dangerous to take anti depressants and drink.
It was just they could not work while I was still adjusting my brain chemicals with alcohol.
Of course, I am not a doctor, nor do I play one on TV.
Just my experience with alcohol and my anti d's. (SSRI's)
Beth
dandylion, I cannot believe I forgot that a cat helped Jackson when he was so depressed he considered suicide.
I have seen that episode twice!
And leaving the TV on for your pets. I do it too!
Of course the golden loves golf, putting it on golf channel makes perfect sense.
They love the outdoors, all that grass and they love people outdoors.
I just imagine that lovely dog on the porch watching the golfers stroll past him.
Yes, your dogs would adjust, but if your hubby doesn't want to, I understand that completely.
My daughter's boyfriend brought two cats to her, which meant to my one bedroom apartment.
ACK!! I love the cats, but do not miss what comes with cats.
My dog....she is queen of the apartment and the cats got out of her way.
I take medication for my MDD (major depressive disorder) and it is a miracle.
It did not work when I was still drinking. Nothing would work while my mind was still sick.
My doctors (and there were several different ones, all psychiatrists, while on active duty)
never said it was dangerous to take anti depressants and drink.
It was just they could not work while I was still adjusting my brain chemicals with alcohol.
Of course, I am not a doctor, nor do I play one on TV.
Just my experience with alcohol and my anti d's. (SSRI's)
Beth
dandylion, I cannot believe I forgot that a cat helped Jackson when he was so depressed he considered suicide.
I have seen that episode twice!
My son seems to be in a pretty good place about not drinking while taking antidepressants. Hopefully, that attitude sticks.
I think the Lexapro is really helping him right now.
Originally Posted by SadieJack
Beth - It can be dangerous to take antidepressants and alcohol. Your doctors should have told you that!! Check it out:
Antidepressants and alcohol: What is the concern? - MayoClinic.com
Alcohol and Antidepressants - PDR Health
Antidepressants and alcohol: What is the concern? - MayoClinic.com
Alcohol and Antidepressants - PDR Health
Originally Posted by wicked
Yes, definitely do not let a relapse continue while taking antidepressants.
They will not work and will bring on other problems, maybe more depression.
I want to be clear that my doctors did say:
"Do not drink on this medication."
I also receive a very long, very detailed action/interaction paper with every refill.
Obviously, my experience (as a middle aged woman, recovering alcoholic) is going to be sooo different from your sons.
If I sounded like there is no danger combining anti-d's with alcohol, that was not my intention.
My hope is that if he takes a medication he will not drink with it.
I am a mom of addicts too.
Beth
They will not work and will bring on other problems, maybe more depression.
I want to be clear that my doctors did say:
"Do not drink on this medication."
I also receive a very long, very detailed action/interaction paper with every refill.
Obviously, my experience (as a middle aged woman, recovering alcoholic) is going to be sooo different from your sons.
If I sounded like there is no danger combining anti-d's with alcohol, that was not my intention.
My hope is that if he takes a medication he will not drink with it.
I am a mom of addicts too.
Beth
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Posts: 60
Good morning y'all.
So, I got a call around mid-afternoon yesterday from my son saying, "Mom, whenever you can it's okay to come get me now." I headed on over once I changed out of my cleaning the house attire :p .
He said he had told his social worker that morning that he agreed to both the Intensive Outpatient program and A.A. He's still not super keen about the A.A., but said he would go while doing the I.O. program. Once done, he wants to see a psychologist regularly and said he was just going to abstain from alcohol until he's more mature -- like 29 years old or older. I don't know how he picked that age as the age of maturity. lol Those responses were fine with me because as I've said I'm not sure if it was alcoholism or him drowning his depression with alcohol. Plus, I agree with him there are other types of treatment programs besides A.A. We'll see....
For right now, I'm happy he's in such a better place and seeking help.
One strange thing he showed me in his treatment book for his I.O. program is a section called "Burning Bridges". The suggestion on that page was to cut ALL ties with anyone he knows who drinks. It said to write a statement and make mass copies of it and hand it to anyone he knows who drinks. The statement would say, "I can no longer be around you until you give up alcohol."
I thought this was odd as he would have to cut out almost every one he knows -- including his parents because we do occasionally have wine with dinner and so on. We, of course, have zero plans of doing that around him as he deals with this issue.
I guess he'll find out while he's in the course, but perhaps they mean other alcoholics? There are people who can control their drinking in the world.
Anyway, have any of you been told something similar?
His course today lasts from 9:00 to 3:30. I told him I'd pick him up after and we'd take care of his cat and both go grocery shopping.
Oh -- and he thanked me a lot for cleaning his apartment and doing all I did for the cat. He said he knew it was beyond horrible.
I'm going to keep saying my prayers and hoping he overcomes all of this. It certainly would be much better for him and all of us if he can be strong enough to nip it in the bud.
So, I got a call around mid-afternoon yesterday from my son saying, "Mom, whenever you can it's okay to come get me now." I headed on over once I changed out of my cleaning the house attire :p .
He said he had told his social worker that morning that he agreed to both the Intensive Outpatient program and A.A. He's still not super keen about the A.A., but said he would go while doing the I.O. program. Once done, he wants to see a psychologist regularly and said he was just going to abstain from alcohol until he's more mature -- like 29 years old or older. I don't know how he picked that age as the age of maturity. lol Those responses were fine with me because as I've said I'm not sure if it was alcoholism or him drowning his depression with alcohol. Plus, I agree with him there are other types of treatment programs besides A.A. We'll see....
For right now, I'm happy he's in such a better place and seeking help.
One strange thing he showed me in his treatment book for his I.O. program is a section called "Burning Bridges". The suggestion on that page was to cut ALL ties with anyone he knows who drinks. It said to write a statement and make mass copies of it and hand it to anyone he knows who drinks. The statement would say, "I can no longer be around you until you give up alcohol."
I thought this was odd as he would have to cut out almost every one he knows -- including his parents because we do occasionally have wine with dinner and so on. We, of course, have zero plans of doing that around him as he deals with this issue.
I guess he'll find out while he's in the course, but perhaps they mean other alcoholics? There are people who can control their drinking in the world.
Anyway, have any of you been told something similar?
His course today lasts from 9:00 to 3:30. I told him I'd pick him up after and we'd take care of his cat and both go grocery shopping.
Oh -- and he thanked me a lot for cleaning his apartment and doing all I did for the cat. He said he knew it was beyond horrible.
I'm going to keep saying my prayers and hoping he overcomes all of this. It certainly would be much better for him and all of us if he can be strong enough to nip it in the bud.
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That sounds VERY weird--the idea of cutting everyone off who uses alcohol. Certainly not something any competent treatment program would ever suggest.
It's a good idea in early sobriety to avoid "drinking buddies"--people with whom the entire relationship revolves around drinking/using. And also a good idea not to be AROUND drinking for a while. But either he's misunderstanding or something is wacko with that program.
It's a good idea in early sobriety to avoid "drinking buddies"--people with whom the entire relationship revolves around drinking/using. And also a good idea not to be AROUND drinking for a while. But either he's misunderstanding or something is wacko with that program.
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Originally Posted by LexieCat
That sounds VERY weird--the idea of cutting everyone off who uses alcohol. Certainly not something any competent treatment program would ever suggest.
It's a good idea in early sobriety to avoid "drinking buddies"--people with whom the entire relationship revolves around drinking/using. And also a good idea not to be AROUND drinking for a while. But either he's misunderstanding or something is wacko with that program.
It's a good idea in early sobriety to avoid "drinking buddies"--people with whom the entire relationship revolves around drinking/using. And also a good idea not to be AROUND drinking for a while. But either he's misunderstanding or something is wacko with that program.
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Update:
So far so good. Seemed to enjoy/be okay with the first day of Intensive Outpatient program.
Asked me to take him to card game thingie tomorrow (Sat) -- Magic -- I have no idea about these things. lol He has always enjoyed card games like Pokemon, etc. since he was a child and forward -- also video games and comic books. He loves Comicon. Basically says he's a nerd about such things. Loves theater, books, art, etc. He's taking his cello to get it restrung also.
May go to the movies with me today.
Is attending first AA meeting on Sunday -- found one for younger people/gays in the nearby area.
He seems pretty much like himself and upbeat.
So far so good. Seemed to enjoy/be okay with the first day of Intensive Outpatient program.
Asked me to take him to card game thingie tomorrow (Sat) -- Magic -- I have no idea about these things. lol He has always enjoyed card games like Pokemon, etc. since he was a child and forward -- also video games and comic books. He loves Comicon. Basically says he's a nerd about such things. Loves theater, books, art, etc. He's taking his cello to get it restrung also.
May go to the movies with me today.
Is attending first AA meeting on Sunday -- found one for younger people/gays in the nearby area.
He seems pretty much like himself and upbeat.
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Oh -- and I felt better last night. I know this is just the beginning, but I slept a little better. I'm still having thoughts about him killing himself, but I cried the night before and last night felt a bit calmer. I've been praying about it and am trying to turn it over to God.
He wants to go back to work in about a week or so once he gets his car mess squared away.
We're also going to go feed the cat around lunch time and I'll see if he wants to go to lunch. I'm attached the cat more now and want to bring it home. I'm sure he is attached to it also. lol No catnapping will probably occur.
He wants to go back to work in about a week or so once he gets his car mess squared away.
We're also going to go feed the cat around lunch time and I'll see if he wants to go to lunch. I'm attached the cat more now and want to bring it home.
I'm sure he is attached to it also. lol No catnapping will probably occur.
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Sunday update:
Things are still going well. My son has been talking to me about his intensive outpatient treatment program and also about how he feels about going to A.A.
He's going to go, even though he doesn't like the higher power aspects of it and some other things about it. That's fine with me, however, because there are some aspects of it I don't really care for either. I say that understanding it has been a life saver for many, so please don't take it as me knocking A.A.
My son says he knows he has been dealing with being depressed by trying to numb himself with alcohol. He also says he doesn't feel he is an alcoholic because he's not dying for alcohol or anything, having stopped drinking since he went to the hospital. The anti-depressant is helping with his depression and he still wants to go to a psychologist once he's done with the I.O. treatment.
He said he's staying away from alcohol for quite a while simply because he knows it has become a problem for him and an unhealthy way to try to mask what is really bothering him.
To be honest, my husband and I tend to think he's not an alcoholic also. We could be wrong, but it's just our assessment from what we've seen so far. We're certainly encouraging him to do everything which is required of him for his outpatient program.
The social worker suggested he wait to go to private counseling until his outpatient program is over because she said it was so intense. I told him to just take it week by week and let me know how he's feeling. Certainly if he feels he needs to talk to someone outside of the group setting that is I.O. treatment, that should be fine.
He's been staying busy and doesn't seem down. He's gone to dinner with a female friend and has gone to a play with another friend. Today he's at a late lunch with that same friend.
He seems to be in a better place and accepting of the fact he needs help.
I hope his A.A. meeting goes alright tonight.
Things are still going well. My son has been talking to me about his intensive outpatient treatment program and also about how he feels about going to A.A.
He's going to go, even though he doesn't like the higher power aspects of it and some other things about it. That's fine with me, however, because there are some aspects of it I don't really care for either. I say that understanding it has been a life saver for many, so please don't take it as me knocking A.A.
My son says he knows he has been dealing with being depressed by trying to numb himself with alcohol. He also says he doesn't feel he is an alcoholic because he's not dying for alcohol or anything, having stopped drinking since he went to the hospital. The anti-depressant is helping with his depression and he still wants to go to a psychologist once he's done with the I.O. treatment.
He said he's staying away from alcohol for quite a while simply because he knows it has become a problem for him and an unhealthy way to try to mask what is really bothering him.
To be honest, my husband and I tend to think he's not an alcoholic also. We could be wrong, but it's just our assessment from what we've seen so far. We're certainly encouraging him to do everything which is required of him for his outpatient program.
The social worker suggested he wait to go to private counseling until his outpatient program is over because she said it was so intense. I told him to just take it week by week and let me know how he's feeling. Certainly if he feels he needs to talk to someone outside of the group setting that is I.O. treatment, that should be fine.
He's been staying busy and doesn't seem down. He's gone to dinner with a female friend and has gone to a play with another friend. Today he's at a late lunch with that same friend.
He seems to be in a better place and accepting of the fact he needs help.
I hope his A.A. meeting goes alright tonight.
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I just want to try to prepare you to not get too upset if your son drinks again. My son said many of the same things. Even now after three different relapses in the past year, he's never admitted to craving alcohol. It always seemed quite easy for him to stop drinking - once he got started in a program.
Have you read much about the AV- alcoholic voice? The compulsion to drink is VERY strong in an alcoholic. The first time my son relapsed (he had a situation similar to your son- hospitalization for around a week and then a discharge to outpatient rehab). He told me he felt great, was never going to drink again. Ever heard of the "pink cloud" effect? He said after that relapse, that he felt so good again, that he was convinced (AV) that he could now control his drinking.
The next relapse, he says he wasn't even thinking about it. Came upon some alcohol and just drank it and doesn't even know why.
His most recent relapse, he came to believe (AV) that he wasn't really an alcoholic. He was just young and immature and depressed (and, now that he wasn't any of those, lol)- he could again drink and control it.
Nope. This time- he says that he finally understands what step one means. That he is completely powerless over alcohol.
Anyway, every time my DS has relapsed, I've been pretty devastated. I'm trying to be prepared if it happens again this time. But, he's doing so well- most likely I'll still be devastated.
Hang in there!
Have you read much about the AV- alcoholic voice? The compulsion to drink is VERY strong in an alcoholic. The first time my son relapsed (he had a situation similar to your son- hospitalization for around a week and then a discharge to outpatient rehab). He told me he felt great, was never going to drink again. Ever heard of the "pink cloud" effect? He said after that relapse, that he felt so good again, that he was convinced (AV) that he could now control his drinking.
The next relapse, he says he wasn't even thinking about it. Came upon some alcohol and just drank it and doesn't even know why.
His most recent relapse, he came to believe (AV) that he wasn't really an alcoholic. He was just young and immature and depressed (and, now that he wasn't any of those, lol)- he could again drink and control it.
Nope. This time- he says that he finally understands what step one means. That he is completely powerless over alcohol.
Anyway, every time my DS has relapsed, I've been pretty devastated. I'm trying to be prepared if it happens again this time. But, he's doing so well- most likely I'll still be devastated.
Hang in there!
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 60
Originally Posted by HopefulmomtoD
I just want to try to prepare you to not get too upset if your son drinks again. My son said many of the same things. Even now after three different relapses in the past year, he's never admitted to craving alcohol. It always seemed quite easy for him to stop drinking - once he got started in a program.
To be honest I think he has so much anger and depression going on and those are his main issues. I do think he has been using alcohol as a bandage. As I said, I'm not sure whether he is an alcoholic or not. If someone drinks and drives and gets in a wreck are they automatically deemed an alcoholic? Now, I'm not minimizing that act of course -- and if people end up in jail because of it, they're rightfully paying for their behaviors. I just wonder how one comes up with the diagnosis of alcoholism? He was drinking a lot. Maybe I'm drinking whatever kool-aid he's drinking.
What I'm noticing about my son is he has some anger issues. I think he's trying to reel them in and be cooperative as you say your son has been able to do while getting help. I just can't figure out what the heck he's so angry about. Other than the stress that comes with being gay, he's had a wonderful life -- a happy childhood, opportunities most don't get -- like being able to attend NYU -- a good job waiting for him at home. We made the kids do chores and tried not to give them too much so they wouldn't be spoiled. It's weird and I know it's not my fault -- I just can't for the life of me get why he's angry and depressed.
I was just reading some of his materials he left out on the kitchen table from his Intensive Outpatient Therapy. It's basically telling him how selfish he has been being and he is not in a position yet to acknowledge this fact. I like that. He needs some tough love.
Have you read much about the AV- alcoholic voice? The compulsion to drink is VERY strong in an alcoholic. The first time my son relapsed (he had a situation similar to your son- hospitalization for around a week and then a discharge to outpatient rehab). He told me he felt great, was never going to drink again. Ever heard of the "pink cloud" effect? He said after that relapse, that he felt so good again, that he was convinced (AV) that he could now control his drinking.
The next relapse, he says he wasn't even thinking about it. Came upon some alcohol and just drank it and doesn't even know why.
His most recent relapse, he came to believe (AV) that he wasn't really an alcoholic. He was just young and immature and depressed (and, now that he wasn't any of those, lol)- he could again drink and control it.
Nope. This time- he says that he finally understands what step one means. That he is completely powerless over alcohol.
Anyway, every time my DS has relapsed, I've been pretty devastated. I'm trying to be prepared if it happens again this time. But, he's doing so well- most likely I'll still be devastated.
Hang in there!
His most recent relapse, he came to believe (AV) that he wasn't really an alcoholic. He was just young and immature and depressed (and, now that he wasn't any of those, lol)- he could again drink and control it.
Nope. This time- he says that he finally understands what step one means. That he is completely powerless over alcohol.
Anyway, every time my DS has relapsed, I've been pretty devastated. I'm trying to be prepared if it happens again this time. But, he's doing so well- most likely I'll still be devastated.
Hang in there!
I can see why people need Al-anon. Is that how you spell it? I got kind of ticked at my son today. I didn't let him know it, but I will soon if he doesn't straighten himself out and what he's saying to me. He announced today, "I can't think of ANYONE I need to apologize to other than dad!" Ummmmmm. He also said something earlier today about how he felt like he was in middle school having to be driven around everywhere. Now, we usually get along really well and I know he's stressed out, but I fired back a little on that one. I said, "Well, think of how I feel. I feel like I have a middle schooler again." I don't know if that was childish of me or not, but a simple thank you would be much preferable over complaining about me having to drive him places.
So, for some reason he is lashing out at me.
And at the risk of sounding like a prude, I raised my children to be polite to me, their dad, and just about everyone who is being polite to them. When we were on the way to AA tonight, he let out an expletive -- not at me -- but an ugly expletive about someone who was driving very slowly in front of me. I know he's an adult, but I'm at a place in my life where I'm happy and peaceful and at 51 feel like I don't have to put up with things I don't want to put up with. That was his last chance with the profanity in front of me -- I am his mother -- I can take a damn or something, but he said the F word and I just don't feel a child (regardless of age) should speak that way in front of their mother. I say that word when I stump my toe or something, but usually under my breath and to myself -- not in front of people. I'm just not a big fan of lots of profanity. I don't look down my nose at people who occasionally let one fly -- because I do it myself as I said -- when I stump my toe -- if I'm PMSing -- etc. I know he knows better than talking that way in front of me and he's going to have to reel it in.
Okay. Rant over. I can see where family members need someone to talk to also!
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Join Date: Aug 2011
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Dear Scarlet, chances are--he probably can't completely articulate why he is so angry, right now. For instance he might be struggling against his dependency needs right now. That is a big conflict for his age group---dependency/independence. Often they are angry at the people that they are the most dependent on. But, there are many other things--or maybe, a constellation of things. It is complicated and you will not be likely to "figure it out".
Just detach as much as you can and stay off any guilt trips of your own.
You can only face each day as it comes. I know that this isn't easy.
alanon will be good for you.
sincerely, dandylion
Just detach as much as you can and stay off any guilt trips of your own.
You can only face each day as it comes. I know that this isn't easy.
alanon will be good for you.
sincerely, dandylion
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 60
Originally Posted by dandylion
Dear Scarlet, chances are--he probably can't completely articulate why he is so angry, right now. For instance he might be struggling against his dependency needs right now. That is a big conflict for his age group---dependency/independence. Often they are angry at the people that they are the most dependent on. But, there are many other things--or maybe, a constellation of things. It is complicated and you will not be likely to "figure it out".
Just detach as much as you can and stay off any guilt trips of your own.
You can only face each day as it comes. I know that this isn't easy.
alanon will be good for you.
sincerely, dandylion
Just detach as much as you can and stay off any guilt trips of your own.
You can only face each day as it comes. I know that this isn't easy.
alanon will be good for you.
sincerely, dandylion
He seemed to like his AA group. I think it is a well-established group and has been there a while. It was all homosexuals, which I think will help him relate.
They did mention another really good and newer group to him if he was interested. They said that group also had homosexuals -- was a mix -- and was younger people who hadn't been alcoholics all their lives.
He may check it out too, I think.
I was happy he wasn't complaining any more about it. Today is more outpatient intensive therapy. I think that lasts six to eight weeks.
Thanks for your words of wisdom.
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