CRAP...I guess I do have to go to exah's sentencing after all
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 1,243
Originally Posted by outonalimb 
This sentencing will take place during a normal criminal call so the courtroom will be packed with lots of attorneys anc cops that I know and work with on a daily basis.
So my pride is hurt on top of everything else. I know I shouldn't be ashamed. I know I'm the victim here. I'm just mad that I had to sacrifice my privacy at work in order to get some help. And yet, who do I direct my anger at? My exah, a sick man? No. The system? No. The universe? I don't know.
?
So my pride is hurt on top of everything else. I know I shouldn't be ashamed. I know I'm the victim here. I'm just mad that I had to sacrifice my privacy at work in order to get some help. And yet, who do I direct my anger at? My exah, a sick man? No. The system? No. The universe? I don't know.
?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Seeking Peace
Posts: 1,371
Originally Posted by wicked
I would like to go and practice my steely stink eye!
I bet it would scare the living bagezzus out of him! You made me bust out laughing just at the thought of it.Lexie, you're absolutely right. I was upset because I had to do such a 180 emotionally. I'm taking my best al anon buddy for support and I'm going to get thru this just fine. It's almost over. I can do this.
I just want you all to know that I've been on the run this weekend...my son had FOUR ...count them FOUR baseball games this weekend. But I logged onto this thread on my phone every time I started to get anxious or needed a little strength and each and every one of your replies has helped me so much.
Once again, I am just so incredibly grateful for the support I find here.
You are all so wonderful.
Thank you so much!
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Waterford MI
Posts: 4,202
Oh my...I would love to see that steely stink eye sometime wicked!! I bet it would scare the living bagezzus out of him! You made me bust out laughing just at the thought of it.
I was told by someone that it was a combination of sneering disdain and soul crushing laser beams. LOL It would be nice to use this evil ability for good somehow.
bwahahahaha!
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,452
Sometimes, when I smell the aroma of an apple pie baking, memories of baking with my grandmother just flood over me. I feel as if I am standing next to her, very young, with apple peels in the sink, pie crust on my hands, flour all over me, the scent of cinnamon and nutmeg. Her presence, her essence, seem to be as real as the moments I shared with her over 50 years ago.
How much I love her, how much I miss her - - it is all so present for me, just as if were a few moments ago, as if I could turn around, go back into that kitchen and put the top crust on the pie with her. And then the moment passes, the intense almost physical memories recede, and I am in the present, not that 7 year old anymore.
I understand how you feel about having to go to Court and re-enter that past life with your STBXAH and stir up and momentarily re-connect to the difficult, churning emotions and the tangle of destructive events that created the reality of you having to testify against a once beloved husband who is now going to jail.
I’m having a similar experience. I have had to see my STBXAH at our home, having left it 9 months ago, literally run away in fear of his anger and his abusive alcoholism. We have to sell the house together, and I have to do this. Even though I am steeled against getting emotionally involved AT ALL, just being in his presence, seeing his behavior, hearing his voice - - it re-connected me to my inner emotional insecurity about being with him. Even after all the intensive work I've done to heal in the past 9 months, it triggered memories of how I used to feel, how I used to live.
I think you and I probably both have PTSD, and in some ways, being in the presence of our STBXAHs flips that switch back to the emotional trauma we suffered from living with these men.
So I say the following to myself, and I share it with you.
We are NOT now the same people we were then. We have grown, we have healed, we have reached out to new people and found enormous support, we have depths of wisdom now to draw upon. We are not living in the trauma anymore with no way out.
These interactions with these destructive, damaged men are not our life anymore. They are just time-limited temporary episodes that have a beginning, a short time frame, and an ending.
We don't have to enter the emotional life we used to have with these men when we see them now. We can note the resurgence of how we used to feel, and then dismiss it.
We are different now. We are stronger, wiser, supported by loving communities who know, honor, and love us. These men are whoever they are. They are most likely still who they were. We don’t know and we don’t need to know.
To endure this unwelcome contact, I have to root myself in the strength and honor of who I have become as I heal. My identity is not the damaged woman who was under the control of a troubled angry man.
My hope is that when I see my STBXAH again as I must, if I dip into that morass of emotional distress, it will only be for a moment, and then, like the momentary, almost primitive response to a smell or fragrance, the intensity of that past experience will fade, and I will be able to emerge again as the stronger wiser happier woman I am becoming.
How much I love her, how much I miss her - - it is all so present for me, just as if were a few moments ago, as if I could turn around, go back into that kitchen and put the top crust on the pie with her. And then the moment passes, the intense almost physical memories recede, and I am in the present, not that 7 year old anymore.
I understand how you feel about having to go to Court and re-enter that past life with your STBXAH and stir up and momentarily re-connect to the difficult, churning emotions and the tangle of destructive events that created the reality of you having to testify against a once beloved husband who is now going to jail.
I’m having a similar experience. I have had to see my STBXAH at our home, having left it 9 months ago, literally run away in fear of his anger and his abusive alcoholism. We have to sell the house together, and I have to do this. Even though I am steeled against getting emotionally involved AT ALL, just being in his presence, seeing his behavior, hearing his voice - - it re-connected me to my inner emotional insecurity about being with him. Even after all the intensive work I've done to heal in the past 9 months, it triggered memories of how I used to feel, how I used to live.
I think you and I probably both have PTSD, and in some ways, being in the presence of our STBXAHs flips that switch back to the emotional trauma we suffered from living with these men.
So I say the following to myself, and I share it with you.
We are NOT now the same people we were then. We have grown, we have healed, we have reached out to new people and found enormous support, we have depths of wisdom now to draw upon. We are not living in the trauma anymore with no way out.
These interactions with these destructive, damaged men are not our life anymore. They are just time-limited temporary episodes that have a beginning, a short time frame, and an ending.
We don't have to enter the emotional life we used to have with these men when we see them now. We can note the resurgence of how we used to feel, and then dismiss it.
We are different now. We are stronger, wiser, supported by loving communities who know, honor, and love us. These men are whoever they are. They are most likely still who they were. We don’t know and we don’t need to know.
To endure this unwelcome contact, I have to root myself in the strength and honor of who I have become as I heal. My identity is not the damaged woman who was under the control of a troubled angry man.
My hope is that when I see my STBXAH again as I must, if I dip into that morass of emotional distress, it will only be for a moment, and then, like the momentary, almost primitive response to a smell or fragrance, the intensity of that past experience will fade, and I will be able to emerge again as the stronger wiser happier woman I am becoming.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Awesome post, Star!
Yeah--THEY may not have changed, but WE have!
I used to love the movie "Labyrinth" (David Bowie, a VERY young Jennifer Connelly, and a bunch of muppets) when my kids were little. When Jennifer Connelly is confronting the Goblin King (David Bowie), from whom she has rescued her kidnapped baby brother, she is quoting from dialogue in a favorite book, where the character says, "You have no power over me!" A light bulb goes on in her mind, and the Goblin King is destroyed.
Sorta like that.
Yeah--THEY may not have changed, but WE have!
I used to love the movie "Labyrinth" (David Bowie, a VERY young Jennifer Connelly, and a bunch of muppets) when my kids were little. When Jennifer Connelly is confronting the Goblin King (David Bowie), from whom she has rescued her kidnapped baby brother, she is quoting from dialogue in a favorite book, where the character says, "You have no power over me!" A light bulb goes on in her mind, and the Goblin King is destroyed.
Sorta like that.
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Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
You are covered in good wishes, hugs, and prayers, Mary! I'm just now taking the SR Codie Security Blanket off the line after it spent a couple of hours in the bright, spring sunshine 
Just let me know, and I'll send it along...
Just let me know, and I'll send it along... 
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Washington, DC
Posts: 44
Originally Posted by outonalimb
I posted the other day about how I had given it alot of thought and prayer and decided that I didn't want to go to exah's sentencing for his aggravated stalking (of me) conviction.
I really just wanted to leave my exah in the hands of the judicial system. I just want to move on from this nightmare.
But after discussing this matter with several people who's opinion I respect (includnig the prosecutor handling my case), I realize that I really do have to go. And I'm just so upset. I'm feeling so emotional. And I just don't know why.
Because I'm asking that a no contact provision be in place as to both myself and our son, there is a potential issue with the court ordering him to have no contact with his minor son. There is a strange intersection of our divorce case and judgment of divorce and this sentence and so I really have to be there to make sure the court understands how important it is that the no contact provision apply to both me and our son. A no contact just as to me that doesn't include our son would be meaningless because he could always contact me under the guise of contacting or inquiring about our son and the whole nightmare would just continue on and on and on. I can't allow this to happen.
So I have to go.
And I"m just a wreck all over again. I really don't know why. I just feel so incredibly sad that it has all come to this. I feel embarassed and I don't understand why. My heart is heavy. I dread having to listen to his jack*** attorney. I dread having to listen to whatever my exah has to say. If he minimizes the hell he put me and our son thru, that will be difficult to listen to. If he apologizes, it will likely be a hollow apology but it will probably make me feel really sad anyway. Somewhere underneath his addiction and mental illness is a man I loved very much at one time. Or is that man completely gone? I just don't know.
Why am I such a wreck?
Why is this so hard?
I thought I was so damn strong but suddenly I feel very weak.
I could really use some encouragement....and any insight you might have as to why I am such a freakin' emotional mess over this...
I really just wanted to leave my exah in the hands of the judicial system. I just want to move on from this nightmare.
But after discussing this matter with several people who's opinion I respect (includnig the prosecutor handling my case), I realize that I really do have to go. And I'm just so upset. I'm feeling so emotional. And I just don't know why.
Because I'm asking that a no contact provision be in place as to both myself and our son, there is a potential issue with the court ordering him to have no contact with his minor son. There is a strange intersection of our divorce case and judgment of divorce and this sentence and so I really have to be there to make sure the court understands how important it is that the no contact provision apply to both me and our son. A no contact just as to me that doesn't include our son would be meaningless because he could always contact me under the guise of contacting or inquiring about our son and the whole nightmare would just continue on and on and on. I can't allow this to happen.
So I have to go.
And I"m just a wreck all over again. I really don't know why. I just feel so incredibly sad that it has all come to this. I feel embarassed and I don't understand why. My heart is heavy. I dread having to listen to his jack*** attorney. I dread having to listen to whatever my exah has to say. If he minimizes the hell he put me and our son thru, that will be difficult to listen to. If he apologizes, it will likely be a hollow apology but it will probably make me feel really sad anyway. Somewhere underneath his addiction and mental illness is a man I loved very much at one time. Or is that man completely gone? I just don't know.
Why am I such a wreck?
Why is this so hard?
I thought I was so damn strong but suddenly I feel very weak.
I could really use some encouragement....and any insight you might have as to why I am such a freakin' emotional mess over this...
I can relate to what you are going through. I was finally able to get a protective order against my husband that covers our son as well a few weeks back. And yes, this stuff does juxtapose insanely. I live in VA, and I feel like I'm hitting a wall wherever I turn. Even though I have a PO in place, I still have to subject my son to supervised visitation...which messes him up for a day or two. Just because my husband cried and blubbered in the courtroom. His alligator tears were a tactical move. He b**ches out each time he's faced with legal action. I am stone cold to it now.
I feel you.
You feel the way you do, because you once loved and trusted this man, had a kid with him...and all this hell broke loose. You feel the way you do because you've been treated so horribly unfairly, and your son too. You feel the way you do because it is only natural that you would.
Please be gentle with yourself. Nurture yourself as much as you can. I hope that the justice system is kind to you and your son, and that you don't have to continue being subject to your ex. Peace be with you.
-LadyInLimbo
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Alaska
Posts: 2,913
Originally Posted by LexieCat
I used to love the movie "Labyrinth" (David Bowie, a VERY young Jennifer Connelly, and a bunch of muppets) when my kids were little. When Jennifer Connelly is confronting the Goblin King (David Bowie), from whom she has rescued her kidnapped baby brother, she is quoting from dialogue in a favorite book, where the character says, "You have no power over me!" A light bulb goes on in her mind, and the Goblin King is destroyed.
Sorta like that.
Sorta like that.
Living in a Pinkful Place
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 7,545
reading this a little late - but it's Monday and I am sending you lots of PINK strong thoughts ~
I know this is not what you want to do and it surprised you - but remember nothing absolutely NOTHING surprises our HP -
Your HP has already prepared your with the strength, courage and wisdom to face this - it is in you and you have all of your SR family standing with you today -
steely stinky evil eyes
codie security blankets
pink hugs
and
the entire family repeating
"you have no power over me"
geez louise just typing that scares the begesus out of me!!!
eeekkkkk
Geaux get 'em girly -
You are going to do pinkfantabulous!
(oh and never forget I'm also praying for your ex too - because that's the right thing to do - peace for him means peace for you and your precious son)
as always
pink hugs!
I know this is not what you want to do and it surprised you - but remember nothing absolutely NOTHING surprises our HP -
Your HP has already prepared your with the strength, courage and wisdom to face this - it is in you and you have all of your SR family standing with you today -
steely stinky evil eyes
codie security blankets
pink hugs
and
the entire family repeating
"you have no power over me"
geez louise just typing that scares the begesus out of me!!!
eeekkkkk
Geaux get 'em girly -
You are going to do pinkfantabulous!
(oh and never forget I'm also praying for your ex too - because that's the right thing to do - peace for him means peace for you and your precious son)
as always
pink hugs!
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