What to do?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 108
What to do?
Detachment has always been a difficult topic for me. AH is on 4th day of binge, and I haven't seen him awake more than 10-15 mins total in that time. Tho he is awake enough to walk down to get more booze from the store when he runs out.
He's barely able to speak to me, and I come home today to find him with remnants of the latest bloody nose, and he says 'I need help.', then he's out like a light again. I try to take the 3/4s empty 1.5L of wine back to the kitchen and he's instantly awake mumbling 'please, no, one more sip, I need it.'
So which is it? How do I help in a way that doesn't make me codie? Or does him begging for the bottle back (he passed out again when he realized I was not going to give it to him) mean that he doesn't really want me to help? So confused! He could drown in his own vomit or next nosebleed down there. He isn't even snoring anymore, just completely OUT.
He's barely able to speak to me, and I come home today to find him with remnants of the latest bloody nose, and he says 'I need help.', then he's out like a light again. I try to take the 3/4s empty 1.5L of wine back to the kitchen and he's instantly awake mumbling 'please, no, one more sip, I need it.'
So which is it? How do I help in a way that doesn't make me codie? Or does him begging for the bottle back (he passed out again when he realized I was not going to give it to him) mean that he doesn't really want me to help? So confused! He could drown in his own vomit or next nosebleed down there. He isn't even snoring anymore, just completely OUT.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
Dear change4Better, Personally, I wouldn't worry too much about this o ne act. Call me Old-Fashioned, but I have a thing about having people die in my own home. You are right--he easily could die under these circumstances.
I'm sorry, I don't remember your story, but it sounds like a lot of damage has already gone under the bridge for both of you.
Assuming he clings to life through this binge, you will need to make some important life decisions for yourself. As will he.
There is help available for you to make it through this situation.
You will recieve suppot here--keep posting.
sincerely, dandylion
I'm sorry, I don't remember your story, but it sounds like a lot of damage has already gone under the bridge for both of you.
Assuming he clings to life through this binge, you will need to make some important life decisions for yourself. As will he.
There is help available for you to make it through this situation.
You will recieve suppot here--keep posting.
sincerely, dandylion
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 585
change4better, I'm so sorry you're going through this. I've had times when my AH was drunk enough that I had to do periodic "wellness checks" to make sure his pulse was okay, that he was breathing regularly, and that he was safely positioned on his side. Not my finest days.
As for whether he truly wants help, I can't say. My AH has said "I need help" and "just go" (meaning to leave him in his drunken misery I think?) when he's been really drunk, and sometimes both in the same night. On some level, I think he did want help but at the time he was not ready to change, and I certainly couldn't take anything he said while drunk too seriously. What he said in his fleeting sober moments was what I tried to listen to, and now I am learning to stop listening to his words so much and watch his actions - those speak so much louder.
Do what you need to do to take care of you. And if you are concerned for your husband's well-being and are uncertain if he's in alcohol-poisoning range, please do call for help. I hesitated on more than one occasion when my AH had drank enough to bring down an elephant, and in hindsight, I'm not sure that was the right decision on my part.
Sending you strength, hope, and hugs.
As for whether he truly wants help, I can't say. My AH has said "I need help" and "just go" (meaning to leave him in his drunken misery I think?) when he's been really drunk, and sometimes both in the same night. On some level, I think he did want help but at the time he was not ready to change, and I certainly couldn't take anything he said while drunk too seriously. What he said in his fleeting sober moments was what I tried to listen to, and now I am learning to stop listening to his words so much and watch his actions - those speak so much louder.
Do what you need to do to take care of you. And if you are concerned for your husband's well-being and are uncertain if he's in alcohol-poisoning range, please do call for help. I hesitated on more than one occasion when my AH had drank enough to bring down an elephant, and in hindsight, I'm not sure that was the right decision on my part.
Sending you strength, hope, and hugs.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: atlanta, ga
Posts: 3,581
And that is exactly what you need to tell him.
"I'M DONE"
No discussion, no argument, no long drawn out examples of his alcoholism. Two words - and only say them if you mean it.
Then let's see what happens.
"I'M DONE"
No discussion, no argument, no long drawn out examples of his alcoholism. Two words - and only say them if you mean it.
Then let's see what happens.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 108
I wanted to bump this to say big hugs and thanks to you all for responding and keeping me sane. He's sober again, and while I have heard the apologies before, this time he brought up attending outpatient rehab. He's never completed one of those before, usually just inpatient a few days and then nothing. I'm praying for a good outcome and plan to start attending al-anon meetings as soon as I find one in a good time slot. It's time for us both to get some healing!!
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