SolTraveler

When your A goes to the bar?

Anyway. So he has not been to the bar for something like 4-5 days and since he is closing at the restaurant tonight and has the day off tomorrow, I have a strong feeling that he will be going out tonight as the "one" night a week he goes to the bar now.

Anyway. The problem is that I have a very, very busy schedule with work and kids. When he stays out until 2 I can't sleep. I know it shouldn't bother me, but it does. The weird part is, it isn't that I am worried about him per se, it is the wondering when he will be back, having to make sure he locks the door, etc. that bothers me. it fills me with anxiety. How do I detach enough to sleep?

Tuffgirl

You tell yourself you deserve to have your own life, sleep included, and turn your brain off. Take a tylenol PM or something mild like that.

Your worry is your worry. You can choose to stop worrying.

SolTraveler

I hear you Tuffgirl Unfortunately, I can't take Tylenol PM because I am pregnant and I am also off my meds because of the pregnancy - I have generalized anxiety disorder... Should have mentioned those things, I suppose!

Turning my brain off is a challenge at the best of times!

But yes.. I do deserve my own life and I deserve to stop worrying. Maybe if I remind myself of that enough times it will stick!

Tuffgirl

Ask your OB if there is anything you can take - even natural - to help you sleep. Maybe some herbal tea?

But always remember, you are in complete control of your thoughts and emotions. What would happen if he forgot to lock the door? My kids are always coming in late on the weekends and forgetting to lock the door. So far, no one has bothered us. It isn't enough of an issue for me to worry. But then again, I value my sleep more than a locked door.

AnvilheadII

i can't sleep (anymore) in silence...i have to have to tv on, quietly...otherwise my brain goes nuts. my preferred channel is the ID channel...

as for what He does...well he's gonna do it anyway and NO amount of fret or worry will change a dang thing. circle the wagons on the finances so he can't do too much damage, recognize he's an adult and this isn't his first rodeo. sleep in separate rooms if need be.

some day you will probably have to decide if this is the life you want and you want for your kids. it's obvious HE isn't taking parenting as serious as one should. he's treating your home like a motel 6 - a place to crash, shower, grab something to eat and then head back out. you are pregnant with his child...growing there inside of you....he should be treating you like the first woman to ever give birth...pampering, fawning over you, anticipating your every need, relieving your burdens, and allowing you to simply be pregnant. a man of quality, who cared deeply about his wife and children would forego food and sleep to assure that THEY were safe, happy, healthy and robust.

Florence

Exercise. Get outside with the kids and burn energy. And white noise. I sleep with a box fan on medium, which drones out any of the bumps in the night that would otherwise wake me up. Talk to your doctor to see what else they recommend. There might be some anti anxiety meds out there to take the edge off or something. My therapist gave me the advice to pamper myself to the point of ridiculousness: bubble baths, smelly lotion, poofy slippers, fluffy robe, soft blankets, lots of textural, warm things to physically comfort you. It helps. I felt like such a dork, but it helps. Make it a priority to give yourself this time for an hour after the kids are in bed.

The answer for me was to live my life regardless of what he was doing. It took me a long time to figure this out. Piece by piece, it meant turning my energy away from him and towards myself and my kids. What I found out is that his behavior didn't change if I worried or if I didn't worry, and I could make my life decisions based on that.

Crazed

Anvil- ha. Me too... I rarely can sleep, but tv is mostly on. ID and C&I

Exercise has helped some. Even if it is just to walk for awhile. If my head is spinning, I will often recite the serenity prayer.

SolTraveler

That is funny - I rarely sleep with the tv on but when I do, it is ID. Maybe we are their target audience and they didn't even know it! lol!

I definitely have to figure out something. Even though I am exhausted, I get sleep in little patches, like 30 minutes at a time until he comes home. White noise is a good idea. Before I got pregnant, I used a dose of ZZ Quil on nights he went out. Worked like a charm. Half the time I never knew he came home. But I like the idea of doing it naturally better anyway.

theuncertainty

Sleep and I have a bit of a distant relationship still sometimes. When I'm really having a hard time turning down the worry track, I try to focus on relaxing different muscles; I generally start at my feet and work towards my head. When worries start to get loud again, I pull them back, no, I'm not worrying about *that*, I'm relaxing my gastrocnemius (large calf muscle - I did learn something from getting shin splints when I used to run: legs muscle names, get good shoes....) on my right leg. Even when I don't know the muscle names, just focusing on an area interrupts the worries for a bit.

Or practice the box breathing technique: inhale through your nose for a count of 4, hold it for a count of 4, exhale through your mouth for a count of 4, hold the exhale for 4, repeat.

petmagnet

I sleep by using a fan to drown out when he is bumping around the kitchen making his drunk snack at 2 am, reading a good book until i'm so drowsy I can't keep my eyes open, and take melatonin 2 hrs before bedtime if I am having a lot of touble. It takes the melatonin a while (about 1 week) of nightly use to build up in your system though...not sure you can take it when preggers!

Florence

I used to be a terrible insomniac and could go days only sleeping an hour or two a night. It's craziness, it what it is.

I trained myself to sleep over the course of a couple of years by exercising and practicing good sleep hygiene. Now it's not a problem 95% of the time, even with the stress in my life. But it did take some dedication and work. I just got so tired of feeling like crap or loopy with exhaustion, something had to give. If you google the term "sleep hygiene" there are a ton of articles and infographics out there about how to start.

BlueSkies1

Maybe you could look at it like I do--test my thinking anyway in your head.

I am so NOT codie when it comes to my sleep. Unless the house is on fire, I don't want to know about it. I LOVE sleep. I need a lot of it too. Damn the torpedoes and all that. If I'm going to make it through this life, I know that for me, sleep is paramount. Literally to hell with everything else when I am tired. It's all about ME!
I'm no good to the rest of the world tired anyway. Cranky as can be. Useless. Can't accomplish anything. Mean as a barnyard dog. So, my sleep, benefits...everybody.
Many a person has learned over the years that wisdom. My sleep benefits them if they are within a mile.
I turn everything off. Sleep is--sanctuary. There is nothing else that is that relieving of worries, duties, and the ever-turning planet. A good pillow, a warm blanket, and quiet, are where I find peace from everything. It's a safe place to rest my worried mind, and it rarely betrays me with an upsetting dream. I trust sleep. It's proven time and time again to be good for me.

DreamsofSerenity

No caffeine--even in the morning, no alcohol, lots of exercise, and ear plugs!

Oh, and warm milk! It's not just an old wives' remedy. It really works.

FireSprite

Melatonin works great for me too- not sure about using it during pregnancy but the one I use has a blend of lemon balm & chamomile in it too.

Interesting that so many of you sleep with noise - RAH does this & it drives me bonkers... I like quiet but I can handle white noise like a fan. Nothing drives me crazy faster than waking up to TV noise at 3 am.

Terrispots

If I am anxious, worried, etc. I will either read, watch TV or listen to radio in bed, that way there is other noise in my head other than my own thoughts!

CeciliaV

I'm notorious for being a "bad sleeper." Ever since I was little, I've had trouble turning off my brain and falling asleep. Once I'm asleep, I'm dead to the world, but it usually takes me a while to get there. I've been using meditation/relaxation videos to get myself to sleep the last couple weeks. I pull up YouTube on my phone, start a video, get comfy, and just drift off. Deep breathing and soft sounds/music and a gentle voice = zzzzzzzzzzz! I'm kinda hooked now!

Lulu39

I'd be wary of taking any meds to help sleep when there is an active alcoholic in the house. If they do set the house on fire, as mine was wont to do, you need to be not zonked out so the smoke alarms wake you up.

SolTraveler

I just wanted to thank you all for all of your helpful responses. What helped most of all was knowing that I am not alone.

My ABF worked late last night and then went next door to the bar for an hour. For probably the first time, I slept from 10 pm until 1 am when he finally texted that he was off work. I slept in patches from 1 am until he came home at 2, but I still have to work on that.

Anyway, while I did not do anything special in particular to get to sleep, it was awesome. My son woke me up at 6 am and I feel great.

theuncertainty

I love it when DS wakes me up on the weekends. My 2 favorites so far are:

Him whispering in my ear, "Mom. I need F - O - O - D, or I will perish. Please heed my call.'

And this am whispering, 'Are you still sleeping? Do you need Bubby?' (his very much loved teddy bear).

J-Diver

Small world! This is also my typical station in order to fall asleep. Prior to ID TV, I was hooked on Law and Order. TV helps me relax to sleep. Without it, my mind tends to go into overdrive.