Decided NOT to attend exah's sentencing...
 

EXah is being sentencing for aggravated stalking (of me) next monday.

I've been praying alot and really thinking about whether I want to attend the sentencing hearing. I've decided against it and this is why...

I provided a written victim impact statement that says everything I feel the need to say re: my exah, the effect his behavior had on our son and me, and what I hope to see as far as his sentence goes. I'm asking that he be required to obtain (and continue with) substance abuse and mental heatlh counseling and that he be ordered to have no contact with our son and me once he finishes serving his jail term and is placed on a mandatory period of 5 years probation.

The prosecutor and the agent preparing his presentence report both believe that my requests will be honored so I honestly don't feel the need to go. I know the prosecutor will advocate strongly on my behalf.

AT first, the idea was that I needed to show up and show my exah that I'm not intimidated by him. But I don't feel the need to do that. I suspect that if I do show up and my exah says something prior to sentencing, he will do one of two things...(1) he'll minimize his behavior or (2) he'll apologize for his behavior. The thing is...it doesn't matter. Nothing he says at this point would mean anything. It just doesn't.

No...I've decided that I've had enough. The whole reason I filed the police report, went forward with the aggravated stalking charge and testified against him in Court was so that the Court could intervene and relieve me of the burden of having to deal with his erratic and sometimes psychotic behavior. I'm going to let the Court do its job on Monday and I'm going to do mine...and that means I'm going to take care of ME and keep the focus on ME and leave exah where he belongs...in the hands of his higher power and the judical system.

I'm moving forward. I'm done looking back. And I feel good about the decision.

Thanks for letting me share. And thanks to everyone for holding my hand and cheering me on during this process. Your support has meant so much.

Mary
:thanks

Thank you so much for sharing this outonalimb.

You sound so "done".
It is peaceful and quiet now.
I hear recovery at work. :)

What a good day.

Beth

the sun just peeked out!

Good for you and your son. Best to you and your recovery.

Mary,
Your decision makes total sense to me. You don't have to prove that you are not intimidated by him or this process. You followed your plan to have the court handle things as they should.
Good for you and your son!
Hugs,
MamaKit

good for you, honey!

what peace -

thank you for sharing that with us

I know that didn't happen over night and that it took lots of work on you and your recovery program to get to this healthy place -

I hope that you continue to enjoy your freedom and serenity - you truly deserve it

I also continue my prayers for help & healing for your exah - everyone deserves that too

pink hugs

You've thought it through and are doing what's right for YOU. The answer might be different for someone else, but your reasoning makes total sense to me.

Hugs, very proud of ya.

Outonalimb, you've given this a lot of careful thought. Perhaps the usefulness of having to decide to go or not go to his sentencing is actually in that thought process, not in whether you show up at the Court sentencing or not.

You are making peace with the fact that you did what you needed to do for yourself and your son when you filed the charges, testified, and wrote up your victim's statement. Reading the statement aloud will not change his outcome with the Court. Your part is done.

What happens next happens to him, and you don't need to be there to see or get involved with his response to the consequences of his own actions. You don't need to see him listen to the sentencing, gesture, try to make eye contact, or anything. He's on his own and that is just and fair.

Your life is yours now!

What a long difficult journey to get here. Kudos to you for staying the course. You are an inspiration to us all.

ShootingStar1