It happened again....
 

He snapped again last night. Its all my fault of course, he claims cauae and effect. I call BS. He is all sunshine and sucking up this morning. Im physically sick, the sound of his voice makes me want to vomit. I went to call the hotline, it was ringing and I was lost in thought, suddenly I hear him. My phone called him, wtf....

sounds like you need a break.

I'm sorry.
Dial the number direct, and put a passcode on your cell phone.

((((((Sadconfused)))))),
You are on a merry-go-round of misery. Do you see him moving anywhere near the switch that will turn it off? I doubt that you do. It's a cruel merry-go-round that looks like the cycle of abuse to me.
Call that hotline. Just call it.
Hugs,
MamaKit

Sadconfused, I live like that and it's no way to live. It's scary and emotionally draining. Call the hotline and my heart goes out to you.

It must have been so upsetting to finally dial the number only to have it go awry.
Try again asap.

He is not capable of stopping, so it this will continue to happen and it gets worse.

Sending you strength.

I dailed it directly, im not sure what happen but wow, it was very odd. Hanna hit it, it took me so effort to work up the courage to get that far and what happens , i hear him at the other end. I am going to try again tomorrow.

He doesnt even pretend to care anymore. The other times this has happen he has at least made an effort to pretend to feel bad. He would lay off drinking, at first it was for a few weeks, it slowly worked down to a few days and now it is nothing. He brought beer home tonight, not enough to get him drunk though so that makes it ok according to him. Just as it is my fault he does what he does, you know cause and effect. I keep having small flashbacks of it and instantly feel disgusted. I cant even look at him, i dont know how i am gonna ever get out of this. I want the cycle to end but i cant find the courage to do it for the life of me.

The cycle seems to accelerate all of a sudden, doesn't it?

the gift is that it makes it easier to see the pattern, and harder for him to blame circumstances.
the tragedy is that alcoholism is a progressive disease, so unless they enter active recovery, it doesn't get any better.
My thoughts are with you.