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Strength

Old 04-16-2013, 06:50 AM
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Halifax, NS
Posts: 17
Strength

I just wanted to have a second to talk about growth.

I am slowly starting to feel like myself again. I talk to strangers, I smile at passerbys, I notice the blue in the flowers, and the sun on the pavement. I am starting to laugh with my friends and feel light hearted! I rarely feel the anxious, worried and 'brow furrowed' old self. I counted my days last night of no contact (from me - not him), and it was close to 120 days. I remember a time that I couldn't make it to thirty without buckling. It is still fresh in my head, when I would start all over again, with a big "1" on the calendar and feel that shame of having "done it again".

I realize what I gave up in those years, myself really. As a codependant I was spirtually bankrupt. I know I have a wounded inner child, that wanted to find a man like my Father (reenactment they call it), and try to make him love me. I have learned, that it is my job to take care of that inner child that has been hurt in the past, and treat her with utmost respect - which means no hanging with XABF and being very careful who I surround myself with and NOT being naive when red flags starting popping up.

When you picture that child inside of you scared, anxious and worried, and searching so hard for love while feeling unloveable, PLEASE, hug him or her. Tell them that you won't look outside of yourself to find someone to do the loving, and love that inner child like it's your only purpose.

For so long, I tried to find someone to do that for me, to get what I didn't get in childhood, and I HAD IT ALL ALONG.

To everyone, please smile at a stranger, try to enjoy the simple things. Coming out on the other side has been such a rewarding and momumental journey.

You guys all rock!
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