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Found Myself Apologizing for AH.

Old 04-15-2013, 11:04 PM
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Found Myself Apologizing for AH.

So I guess this is how it starts. AH and I completed our taxes last Monday, but left the paperwork with the accountant as the accountant was going to work with the manager to see if there is any discount she can give since the cost was nearly $500 to prepare due to our complicated file. The following day I spent the day out with my mom having some girl time. I found out later my AH started a four day bender that day. He called me that day and notified me that the accountant gave us $75 off, but my stomach knotted up when he sounded irritated like it wasn't enough or something; I knew something was up by the sound of the irritation.

Earlier today my AH and I decided to run some errands. He's been sober since Saturday, and just trying to make up for the prior days I guess. One of the tasks on the agenda was to pick up our tax paperwork from the accountant. He asked me to bring my ID to run in and get it since he had an argument on the phone with them. Stupid me I didn't think much of it. When we got there he waited outside while I ran in to get it. I had a smile and greeted them all in the office, and asked for our file. Once it clicked with them who I was, they all lost their smile. Apparently my drunk husband caused a huge ruckus over the phone harassing the clerk, the accountant, and their manager on how the discount wasn't enough. I felt so embarrassed as they discussed their puzzlement with me regarding his dissatisfaction which didn't match what they saw the day before. I apologized to the accountant and the clerk and told them that he has some personal issues. I felt awful to be associated with him. I mean the accountant stated at the time that it wasn't even a for-sure thing to be able to give us a discount, and she didn't even have to offer that in the first place. She was just trying to help, and she gets screamed at. I felt so bad. Oh I was so humiliated, and I felt so silly that I allowed him to talk me into facing that for him. The worst part is, apparently my drunk husband told them to mail the file, but of course he didn't remember that part.

Just one step closer to being able to walk out that door for good.
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Old 04-15-2013, 11:18 PM
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WoW! What a turd! UGH
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Old 04-16-2013, 12:07 AM
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Wow, seriously! I'm thinking of a few other names to call him.

I'll give you kudos for not overly apologizing for him. You didn't stick up for him, but explained enough of the situation so that his behavior was his to own. What a cowardly thing to send you in there! WTH!

Hoping next year's return is less complicated. Me? I filed for an extension this year for the 2nd time in my life. I think it's somehow fitting that the first time I filed for an extension was the year we got married (on his insistence) and the next time is the year we will be divorced (also on his insistence). I'm still waiting to see a copy of his W2.

Feeling your pain,
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Old 04-16-2013, 02:09 AM
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I'm censoring myself and trying to be a good lil girl on SR!
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Old 04-16-2013, 05:32 AM
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I found life with an alcoholic to be a never-ending series of apologies for his behavior. Ugh.
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Old 04-16-2013, 05:38 AM
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lexiecat nailed that.
wowwwww! embarassment and apologies....it should be a song its heard so often with alcoholics.
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Old 04-16-2013, 06:14 AM
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I think you did the right thing..."he has personal problems". Pretty much explains it all without detail. No apology. I've had people stop by our home and AH is still in bed at 1pm from the bender the night before and I just say "he's recovering" they all know what it means. Or a family member calls me about some stupid texts he sent the night before. I just say "he was drinking". I refuse to cover or make excuses. It is what it is. He can deal with the questions later. It's not our job to pretend all is well when it's not. I'm done with that.
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Old 04-16-2013, 07:30 AM
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I've had similar issues with my AH and he was never even drunk in those episodes. Stone cold sober. Just so you know you're not alone, here's a good one for ya: My AH hates it when people double park at grocery stores, etc. So, he drove aggressively near someone who was double parked making it clear how he felt. The man wasn't too happy and they got into a 'discussion'.

The next morning I hear the police IN MY HOUSE. My AH had found this man's business card on our doorstep at 6 AM. The guy was a bounty hunter and ran my AH's license plates and decided to drop off his calling card letting us know that he knew who we were. I had nightmares for weeks.

I've also apologized for his behavior to our home owner's association, to the landscaping crew at our tennis club, to the poor girl who works behind the counter there, and various other people. If he was drunk, at least I'd have that excuse but I don't even have that. I'm so sorry you had to deal with his 'stuff', but it sounds like you handled it quite well. Hugs to you!
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Old 04-16-2013, 08:26 AM
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Dear MTSlide, detaching (including geographic) was the only way I got relief from the cloud of disaster. I still have to be very vigilant in order to keep them at a "safe distance".

sincerely dandylion
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Old 04-16-2013, 07:59 PM
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Oh MTSlide... I feel your pain. I know that one well. My AH does things like that but typically... when he is stone cold sober.

He once ran screaming out of a dentist's office and called everyone in the office the 'c' word and then screamed at me. I was horrified beyond words.

Why did he do that? Because the dentist had not informed him that someone would be coming in to clean his teeth and he should have done this when he knows he has dental phobia.

Seriously? Just a bit extreme of a reaction.

But then that's what they specialize in.

Sending you light and love and understanding.
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