Saw XAH
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 198
Saw XAH
The last two weeks XAH and I have been discussing some things to tie up loose ends from the divorce - my anxiety isn't where it used to be with him, although I almost cancelled our meeting last week because I didn't know if could handle it - it was the first time I would've seen him since November. I know he can fly off the handle as soon as I don't do exactly what he wants me to do or throw in a sly little insult to me. Or he'll complain or pull the "poor me" self pity BS.
I don't react or say anything really to his guilt-tripping and self-pity nonsense, not like I used to. I think my silence is jarring to him b/c he's used to me flying off the handle right along with him. He actually wants me to feel sorry for him because he has to write me a check for splitting the equity on our marital home. Feel sorry for him! We met last week, and within 2 minutes of me sitting down he threw a temper tantrum about something. I sat there looking at him in silence and thought - I put up with this for five years????!. It just makes me laugh it's so ridiculous. He asked about my family, Easter, etc., but I didn't return any personal questions. To the extent possible, I'm still insulating myself from any information about him - the less I know, the better off I am.
It is hard to keep things strictly business with him. He can still make me laugh like no one else. Even after being emotionally devastated with this man, I still want to make him laugh too. The good times don't last though, I know this.
A friend's husband told me he ran into XAH at some basketball games last month, and that XAH was really drunk, red-faced, and looked like hell. The first thing I noticed when I saw XAH last week was his flushed/red face. I looked, I mean really looked - thinking maybe it was a sun or wind burn, or this or that, but really, I knew. Today when I saw him again his cheekbones, nose, and temples were still flushed. No excuses from me this time, it is what it is. He mentioned today he had "a lot" of tests/bloodwork done a few months ago. His thin face and fit physique don't fool me like they used to.
Sometimes I miss our time together. But he reminds me continuously why I'm better off without him.
I don't react or say anything really to his guilt-tripping and self-pity nonsense, not like I used to. I think my silence is jarring to him b/c he's used to me flying off the handle right along with him. He actually wants me to feel sorry for him because he has to write me a check for splitting the equity on our marital home. Feel sorry for him! We met last week, and within 2 minutes of me sitting down he threw a temper tantrum about something. I sat there looking at him in silence and thought - I put up with this for five years????!. It just makes me laugh it's so ridiculous. He asked about my family, Easter, etc., but I didn't return any personal questions. To the extent possible, I'm still insulating myself from any information about him - the less I know, the better off I am.
It is hard to keep things strictly business with him. He can still make me laugh like no one else. Even after being emotionally devastated with this man, I still want to make him laugh too. The good times don't last though, I know this.
A friend's husband told me he ran into XAH at some basketball games last month, and that XAH was really drunk, red-faced, and looked like hell. The first thing I noticed when I saw XAH last week was his flushed/red face. I looked, I mean really looked - thinking maybe it was a sun or wind burn, or this or that, but really, I knew. Today when I saw him again his cheekbones, nose, and temples were still flushed. No excuses from me this time, it is what it is. He mentioned today he had "a lot" of tests/bloodwork done a few months ago. His thin face and fit physique don't fool me like they used to.
Sometimes I miss our time together. But he reminds me continuously why I'm better off without him.
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Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 284
Hugs, mmk11! Way to keep it real!
I have a lot of really similar feelings toward my XAH, although we haven't met face-to-face in over a year. I will have to go through the divorce negotiations with him soon, and I'm not looking forward to the snideness and pity party manipulations. I feel so done with that. I don't even want to subject myself to it for another minute! I'm not sure I would have such a calm reaction to it as you did. Well done! Thanks for sharing your new perspective!
Fathom
I have a lot of really similar feelings toward my XAH, although we haven't met face-to-face in over a year. I will have to go through the divorce negotiations with him soon, and I'm not looking forward to the snideness and pity party manipulations. I feel so done with that. I don't even want to subject myself to it for another minute! I'm not sure I would have such a calm reaction to it as you did. Well done! Thanks for sharing your new perspective!
Fathom
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 198
Fathom - those pity party manipulations kept me hanging on for far, far too long! Talking sense into XAH is completely futile and he is such a bully, I hate having to always be in defense mode whenever I deal with him. I hope you can resist and not give in to your XAH and his pity parties - be strong and good luck!
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Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 284
For now, I'm able to maintain all my communication with him through lawyers. Thankfully, we've had very little need to communicate, so the cost has been kept reasonably low. I don't know what I would do without my lawyer's calm guidance. She's wonderful, and is so very familiar with an A's MO. So grateful, and hopeful that I don't need to meet with him again before we're done. We'll see...
Fathom
Fathom
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