Guilt

Old 04-15-2013, 07:18 PM
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Guilt

I feel guilty now that I didn’t detach from ASTBXH with love. I was angry and told him to get a job or move out since our home was in foreclosure and his expenses just kept rising (DUI, probation, court fees, insurance increases, bar tabs, cab rides, etc.). He didn’t get a job, so I told him he was leaving or I was calling his dad and probation officer and telling all. I had been abused by him emotionally and financially for at least 4 years. Unfortunately, I abused him emotionally at the end. I wasn’t kind at all. I wanted him out and pushed hard for that outcome. I had been sleeping in the spare bedroom with my money, keys, and debit card in my pocket for several months by then. I often had our 4 year old in that bedroom with me and had the door locked and barricaded. Wow! 7 months later, my life is completely different. I can’t believe that I really lived that way and tolerated his behaviors for as long as I did. Yet, I know that I was out of line in the end. I could have handled it better and in a more positive way.
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Old 04-15-2013, 08:00 PM
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Shoulda, Woulda, Coulda...

You did what you had to do.

Forgive yourself and be happy! It sounds like you are on your way!
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Old 04-15-2013, 08:06 PM
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MakingMeHappy - go easy on yourself. It sounds like you were in survival mode, and you did what you felt you needed to do to protect yourself and your child. Think of a mama bear - when someone threatens the safety of her cub, there's no, "Excuse me, but it would be preferable if you move along," there are swats and roars!

It's great that you recognize that you can improve your communication and work towards positivity...but do cut yourself some slack. (And I think we can all look back at interactions with our A's and in hindsight find "better" ways to communicate or deal, so you're not alone.) You're in a better, healthier place now, and I'm really glad to hear it!!
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Old 04-15-2013, 08:08 PM
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Sounds to me like you were in survival mode. You probably NEEDED the anger to get yourself free from a desperate situation. You did what you had to do for the sake of yourself and your son. If you were less than perfectly "kind" it pales in comparison to years of abuse.

I'm glad you are out of there. Let go of the guilt, and while you're at it, pray for your husband.
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Old 04-16-2013, 03:44 AM
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Thanks. I know that the outcome was the best one for me. I am much more relaxed in my home and my now 5 year old daughter is adjusting to the separation. I need to let go of the guilt...sometimes I get stuck thinking about what I could have done differently. I know I need to focus on making today good.
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