what to do?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2004
Location: out there some where
Posts: 35
what to do?
How do you convence someone that they need to quit drinking?
My husband is 53 he had a heart attack when he was 46,drinks like a fish ,he takes blood pressure meds and lipitor, sun,tues,wed,thurs,10-14 16oz glasses fri & sat at least a case a day. I have tried so many ways,but that is just phycological .....
after major issues for myself Panic disorder, and lots of meds we finally had a "come to Jesus" meeting where I tolh him I was done!!! he wants very much to work out our marriage,he has cut back on the drinking,but once he takes that first drink well,.... :*******: I have realized I wont let him take me with him, Im off my meds and alot stronger, I have seen him fall and hurt himself,watch him start to swell when he starts drinking,he still drinks and drives,even tho I pleed with him not to,He has sleep apena so bad when He drink Im afraid Ill wake up next to a corspe. I have dealt with this so long just hoping........... I no longer feel about him as I should, I want to leave but feel guilty about what will happen to him if I do, I guess I am not asking anything just needed a place to vent. and maybe some of you that have been there could give me some insite. thank-you everyone God bless
My husband is 53 he had a heart attack when he was 46,drinks like a fish ,he takes blood pressure meds and lipitor, sun,tues,wed,thurs,10-14 16oz glasses fri & sat at least a case a day. I have tried so many ways,but that is just phycological .....
after major issues for myself Panic disorder, and lots of meds we finally had a "come to Jesus" meeting where I tolh him I was done!!! he wants very much to work out our marriage,he has cut back on the drinking,but once he takes that first drink well,.... :*******: I have realized I wont let him take me with him, Im off my meds and alot stronger, I have seen him fall and hurt himself,watch him start to swell when he starts drinking,he still drinks and drives,even tho I pleed with him not to,He has sleep apena so bad when He drink Im afraid Ill wake up next to a corspe. I have dealt with this so long just hoping........... I no longer feel about him as I should, I want to leave but feel guilty about what will happen to him if I do, I guess I am not asking anything just needed a place to vent. and maybe some of you that have been there could give me some insite. thank-you everyone God bless
Member
Join Date: Jan 2003
Posts: 4,955
Hey stressed,
You can't convince them to quit drinking. They can't hear you when you list all the reasons that they should.
I lived that "want to leave, but feel guilty" thing for years.
At the time, I wasn't thinking about my needs.
You have to do what's going to make you happy. I know that's hard sometimes.
Hugs,
Gabe
You can't convince them to quit drinking. They can't hear you when you list all the reasons that they should.
I lived that "want to leave, but feel guilty" thing for years.
At the time, I wasn't thinking about my needs.
You have to do what's going to make you happy. I know that's hard sometimes.
Hugs,
Gabe
Member
Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: Sask.
Posts: 64
Re: what to do?
You didn't cause it, you can't control it, and you can't cure it. Focus on yourself and not the alcoholic. You can detach with love. Can you get to an Alanon meeting? Talking to people their who understand can help the most. If you can't get to a meeting check out their literature. This is a great place to be. Keep posting.
Summer
Summer
Member
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 407
Re: what to do?
Stressed -
It feels so lousy to feel as you do. I know from first hand experience. Only you can decide what you are willing to live with. After several years of a steady decline in my husband's ability to stay sober and an escalation of verbal abuse and finally physical abuse, I got up the courage to leave. It was and is really hard since I've only been gone 10 days. I fear for his mental state and hope and pray that he can find the courage to get sober and stay that way for himself but I could no longer bear to live that way. I guess when you have had enough you will know it. I hope that it helps to know that others have managed to walk away to save their own sanity and to start a new life that will be more peaceful and fulfilling. I guess that can only happen when you run out of hope that they can still be the person that you fell in love with and decide that you have to place that faith in yourself and your ability to build a better life. Just know that no matter what you decide to do what happens to him is his decision, that you staying with him isn't going to make him healthy or even keep him alive. What ever happens to him will happen with or without you.
I'm so sorry that you, too, are having to go through this.
Hugs, Jo
It feels so lousy to feel as you do. I know from first hand experience. Only you can decide what you are willing to live with. After several years of a steady decline in my husband's ability to stay sober and an escalation of verbal abuse and finally physical abuse, I got up the courage to leave. It was and is really hard since I've only been gone 10 days. I fear for his mental state and hope and pray that he can find the courage to get sober and stay that way for himself but I could no longer bear to live that way. I guess when you have had enough you will know it. I hope that it helps to know that others have managed to walk away to save their own sanity and to start a new life that will be more peaceful and fulfilling. I guess that can only happen when you run out of hope that they can still be the person that you fell in love with and decide that you have to place that faith in yourself and your ability to build a better life. Just know that no matter what you decide to do what happens to him is his decision, that you staying with him isn't going to make him healthy or even keep him alive. What ever happens to him will happen with or without you.
I'm so sorry that you, too, are having to go through this.
Hugs, Jo
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2004
Location: out there some where
Posts: 35
Re: what to do?
thank you everyone for your input,I really dont think I will beable to survive his illness,I do believe its time for me to move on. I know its going to take me some time because of money issues. something I was wondering about. what are blackouts? my husband never remembers anything I tell him. I will always have to tell him all over again 1-2 days later even if hes sober, I understand about when hes drunk,he doesnt remember anything ( or so he says to cover his behavior) is that blackouts? its mothers day and he left at 11:30am its now 6pm hes homw drunk!!! happy mothers day!! thank-you
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Whynot, NC
Posts: 29
Re: what to do?
Yep, that's a blackout.
I'm so sorry to hear what you're going through. We've all been there.
I just separated from my husband recently, and it was a tough decision, but once I made it and he left I felt a whole lot better.
We all want the magic formula to make them stop drinking. If only...
I'm so sorry to hear what you're going through. We've all been there.
I just separated from my husband recently, and it was a tough decision, but once I made it and he left I felt a whole lot better.
We all want the magic formula to make them stop drinking. If only...
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