kasie

Hi Everyone,

Looking for a bit of advice here...

My ExABF is currently in his fourth round of alcohol rehab. We're still reasonably close, however broke up due to his alcoholism - he was always asking me to be there to make him stop/not drink. Remembering the 3Cs, I told his that he had to make that decision himself and I couldn't do it for him. He (but to a greater extent his parents) have called me selfish, unkind, ungrateful, etc. And worse names.

His parents are of the view that I've caused his alcoholism. Again, I'm aware of the 3Cs and know I haven't.

The problem is that my exABF often calls for support, etc. I can answer some of his calls and provide a listening ear, but nothing more. The issue is that his parents find out, chuck a fit and have called me at work, threatened to come into my workplace and cause a scene and report me to the police (for what I don't know, I'm a lawyer and know they haven't got a leg to stand on, thank goodness!).

Any suggestions on how to handle this? My job is important to me and I really don't want a scene at work!

The other issue is that his parents are functioning alcoholics, so I don't think they can see the forest through the trees. To the point where when my exABF got out of rehab once and asked his dad for a beer on the day he was discharged, and his dad said 'sure, here you go'.

I've been going to AlAnon 2-3 times per week and it helps. Any other thoughts?

Thanks guys!

SparkleKitty

Hey there, Kasie.

I know you want to be there to support your ex, but if his parents' behavior is threatening your livelihood and your peace of mind, have you considered going no contact with him, at least for awhile.

I don't know how you can 'deal' with people who are determined to give you a hard time as they are. It might be time to let go and leave him - and his parents - to his recovery.

wicked

Unacceptable behavior is unacceptable behavior. Outrageous his parents are involved at all.

Actually this dynamic sounds familiar to me.
I hope you consider no contact too. If there is no contact with him, there is no reason for them to contact you.
Their threats bother me too. Maybe you could consider other measures if they continue. As alcoholics they are not thinking too clearly, and I know from personal experience, drunk times two is like drunk to the tenth degree. Only madness and chaos can ensue.
Beth

kasie

Thanks guys! Really appreciate your insights.

Re unacceptable behaviour. I totally agree. Especially when I'm half the parents' age and sober. They're like big children themselves - pouting, whining, yelling and screaming like lunatics. I don't know why they do it, their outrageous behaviour won't get them what they want in life. I guess that's what alcohol does to one's brain...

I think I'll try the NC approach. I still get abusive text messages when I don't answer the phone, so will have those to deal with - but I've got some excellent support through my AlAnon groups so that will help me cope.

I'm soooo over alcoholics!

SparkleKitty

You have a right to live your life alcoholic-free! Can you block his number from your phone?

Recovering2

You can delete the text messages without looking at them. If his parents continue to harass you, consider getting a restraining order.

dandylion

Dear Kasie, I think I hear a giant chorus of ducks--ALL QUACKING!!!

They are going to call the cops on you--and you are a lawyer---REALLY?!
That is laughable.

When you leave the world of alcoholism, your world will return to peaceful sanity. Aaaahh.

sincerely, dandylion

kasie

Thanks all, I really needed to hear this.

I don't think they (the parents) understand how insane they sound. Idiots.

ExABF is no better. He's 29 and getting drunk mummy and daddy to fight his battles for him. If you're going to get someone to fight your battles for you, you'd think he'd at least choose a lawyer so it was a fair fight. Another superb display of an As lack of insight/judgement.

PS - Dandylion - it is quite the quack, isn't it? Might have to add this one to the quackers thread!

BoxinRotz

LOL! I am a security guard and work midnights. My AH texted me last week or so (can't remember date but whatever) and asked me if I ever had sex at work? I was flabberghasted! He called me and said he was coming over! I told him as soon as my workers leave, I'm shutting my gate and if you come in, I will have you arrested for tresspassing! He said, All I wanted to do was *pork* you in the bathroom at your job!

Come on down Honey! And I'll have you arrested! *bats eyelashes* He was so mad he hung up on me!

And you should do the same thing. Tell them if they step one foot on your work site you will call the police.

wiscsober

This is abusive behavior on his part and parents. Control and blame are abusive. I would move on in life without "them." You are far more worth than having this drama. Some times I think just being in contact with my XAW was enabling her. Life is so much better since moving on to healthy relationships. We need to close chapters in our lives and not look back.