Lorelai

My H does similar things. I think that maybe he wants to be around another woman who thinks that he's fun when he's drinking and doesn't see anything wrong with his drinking. I think that maybe it helps him to keep believing that there is nothing wrong with him - it's just me that's the problem. He wants validation that he's still OK as a man and that women (other than me) still think he's a great guy even when he's drunk.

I'm not saying in any way that it is OK. I think that this behavior is very dangerous for the marriage because it could very easily lead to other things and it is hurtful to us. Of course, avoiding dangerous situations and worrying about hurting me have never been things that my H has been very concerned about.
L

Crazy Mary

Lorelai,

Well, you are right on target with this type of situation. And I can say that it did turn into an affair for my husband. And I know that I am going to get slammed for saying this, but when they are drunks and drugging, they have NO MORALS or JUDGEMENT. Every single person that found out what my H had done cried, because no one could believe it had happened. This was a guy, that when sober (he was sober for 4 years at one point) would disassociate himself from his friends that cheated on their wives, because they were "scumbags" - his word not mine. Anyway, it happened for all the reasons you said. She was validation for his drinking. She never thought he had a problem. He was blacking out all the time, but to her, that was normal. While I was bitching and whining about his constant drunkiness. I had not found Al anon at that point. Well, he has been sober for 82 days now (after intensive inpatient rehab) and he has been more than remorseful, he has been incredible, but it doesn't change that fact that I have been cut to the core. Alcohol and drugs, or not, it happened.
I still love him, and our children are doing incredibly well now that he is clean and sober and HOME. So I try... One day at a time, it is all I can do.