sunflowergal29

Well- thought I'd gotten somewhere last Sunday when I had to remind him what my boundaries were concerning him not being allowed in the house drunk. Maybe I had gotten somewhere, but tonight he was drinking. He came home at 8:30pm, the doors were not yet locked, as I didn't think I had to lock them yet. He came right in, and was grumpy and parinoid, trying to pick a fight.I told him to leave, that I love you- go sober up and you can come back in when you're not drunk. He made a comment about how its b.s. that I have rules- that he thought I was done with the ultimatums. Whatever- I repeated my reasons again- when you're drunk I can't be around you, etc. He left, came back to tell me he just wanted to get his clothes, he was through with me, etc, etc. I told him I would give him some clothes, but he wouldn't be coming in.
After coming back and forth a few times, he left and said he was heading for the highway. I phoned over to his moms (yeah-I know I shouldn't have gotten them involved, but I figured I would just let them know he was going to stagger out to the highway which is btw the #1 TransCanada hwy.). Then I prayed, prayed he would be ok, that I could detach. I am powerless, powerless, POWERLESS!!!!!

Ann

I'll say a prayer with you. Just take comfort that they rarely do the dramatic things they threaten when they are using. My son used to say things like that, I would worry and then later find out he went to a friends.

You did good!! No need for guilt and worry is a waste of precious emotion.

Get some sleep and know he is in God's hands.

sunflowergal29

Thanks, Ann. I think the hard thing is just that I am ending up being the bad guy for keeping myself in a safe position. This won't stop me, but my actions can cause other people to react in not so nice ways.
I doubt he actually did any walking- he hates walking even to the store a block away!-
I think I feel sad b/c he jusifies why I can't have the door open to him as it having nothing to do with him being violent that night. I guess I can't expect a healthy reaction from an unhealthy person.
Acceptance, and yes- I am so flipping powerless.
I am praying lots tonight, one of these times I may even decide to just give it to God and quit grabbing it back!!
-SFG29