Girlfriend in Crisis: Need Advice (Sorry, long post)
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Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: NE Wisconsin USA
Posts: 6,223
Originally Posted by BlueSkies1 
This is extremely difficult for you because I think 1--you love her, 2--you are testing your own professional abilities on her and are going to take it personally if she succeeds or fails.
It's not your battle.
It's hers..
It's not your battle.
It's hers..
You will always be welcome to Alanon. I think you could get help and help others in the group.
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Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: where the streets have no name
Posts: 1,078
Originally Posted by Crazed
I am unsure about this. At my EXAG's last rehab, I was contacted by her counselor to provide history, patterns, etc. At her current rehab, I have received no call. Her aunt received a call at the beginning of the week, and provided my name and number as I have a 13 yr history and better knowledge of her addiction/patterns. Aunt was told that they could not contact me unless EXAG signed a release. I received no call. In my Codie mind, I figure this is so EXAG can continue to lie and manipulate. The compassionate part of me hopes this is not the case.
The issue of "releases" is a possible stumbling block
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 11
Wow, I'm just so overwhelmed by the support that I've been receiving from the members of this board. It's just incredible. The support that I'm getting here is really putting things into context, but it's also giving me insight. I cannot thank each of the posters on this thread and my other thread enough. It's incredible to receive such compassion and understanding from people that I've never met. It's overwhelming, but in the best way possible. To get support from so many different people with so many different backgrounds from so many different walks of life and with different experiences is incredible, and it's what I'm looking forward to experiencing at my first Al-Anon meeting tomorrow night. I'm very excited and I know that Al-Anon is going to help me tremendously. I can't wait!
I'm finding that getting myself back on track when dealing with a loved one that's an A is a lot like recovery. It's something that requires support, no sugarcoating, tough love and the unshakeable will to get better. My AGF will achieve sobriety eventually, but it's up to her as to when that will happen, and it's not for me or anyone else to say what it will take for her to get there. I'm hoping that she's not just paying me lip service, but as steve11694 said, "you can't ******** a bullshitter", so I'm hoping that my experiences as an RA are right in not detecting BS and taking her word for it and trusting her (as much as I possibly can). But on the other side of things, you can never trust someone who's in active addiction, regardless of who they are and how convincing a story they tell. As I always say "the proof's in the pudding". If she wants to BS me and tell me what I want to hear, that's her choice. I sometimes get strong vibes that she just wants to tell me what I want to hear when she says that she wants to get sober and then in the next sentence says something like "But I just like drinking so much". That tells me that she's not ready yet. My reply is always the same: "What do you like more, booze or your life?". I find it strange that she knows what she stands to lose by continuing to drink, but does it anyways. Well actually, there's nothing strange about that, as that's one of the behaviors that defines addiction. I had that same way of thinking back when I was using. I knew what I had to lose, yet I kept getting my hands on my drugs of choice (prescription opioids, namely oxycodone and hydromorphone) and using.
The mind of an A is full of paradoxes. They know what they will lose, yet keep using. They know that it will kill them, yet they keep using. They know that they will "crash and burn", yet they keep using. But like I said, these are all behaviors that define addiction.
Once again, thanks everyone for your support. You're all helping me through this big time. I can't wait to start Al-Anon and keep posting on this board. I eventually want to start sharing my own experiences about recovery and do what I can to help As on this board looking to change their lives and get out of the living hell that is addiction.
Just one quote from (of all places) One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest about alcoholism: "...and every time he put the bottle to his mouth, he don't suck out of it, it sucks out of him... "
I'm finding that getting myself back on track when dealing with a loved one that's an A is a lot like recovery. It's something that requires support, no sugarcoating, tough love and the unshakeable will to get better. My AGF will achieve sobriety eventually, but it's up to her as to when that will happen, and it's not for me or anyone else to say what it will take for her to get there. I'm hoping that she's not just paying me lip service, but as steve11694 said, "you can't ******** a bullshitter", so I'm hoping that my experiences as an RA are right in not detecting BS and taking her word for it and trusting her (as much as I possibly can). But on the other side of things, you can never trust someone who's in active addiction, regardless of who they are and how convincing a story they tell. As I always say "the proof's in the pudding". If she wants to BS me and tell me what I want to hear, that's her choice. I sometimes get strong vibes that she just wants to tell me what I want to hear when she says that she wants to get sober and then in the next sentence says something like "But I just like drinking so much". That tells me that she's not ready yet. My reply is always the same: "What do you like more, booze or your life?". I find it strange that she knows what she stands to lose by continuing to drink, but does it anyways. Well actually, there's nothing strange about that, as that's one of the behaviors that defines addiction. I had that same way of thinking back when I was using. I knew what I had to lose, yet I kept getting my hands on my drugs of choice (prescription opioids, namely oxycodone and hydromorphone) and using.
The mind of an A is full of paradoxes. They know what they will lose, yet keep using. They know that it will kill them, yet they keep using. They know that they will "crash and burn", yet they keep using. But like I said, these are all behaviors that define addiction.
Once again, thanks everyone for your support. You're all helping me through this big time. I can't wait to start Al-Anon and keep posting on this board. I eventually want to start sharing my own experiences about recovery and do what I can to help As on this board looking to change their lives and get out of the living hell that is addiction.
Just one quote from (of all places) One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest about alcoholism: "...and every time he put the bottle to his mouth, he don't suck out of it, it sucks out of him... "
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