Desperate for recovery advice :(
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 11
I commend those that have to recover alone and step up to the plate early. Maybe I am "enabling" by being here doing so much. I am obviously sheltering her from the hard truth of reality. I just cannot see me "abandoning" the children to teach her a life lesson. Remember I most likely could not take the kids without a long court battle (that could devastate the younger children) unless she was proven unfit, which would be hard to prove. Like I said, it would be very hard. I don't have energy left for that. I'm worn down enough. 
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
You have the right to insist that she figure out some way for you to get at least a couple of nights per week for YOU. Maybe one night for an Al-Anon meeting, and one night for some "you" time. There is no earthly reason why someone who has been sober for a year needs to go to meetings every day of the week.
Lots of us AA members enjoy meetings, and even when we don't need them to stay sober, ourselves, anymore, we like to be there for the fellowship and to help the newcomers. Nothing wrong with going to as many meetings as you want, PROVIDED you are not imposing unfairly on someone else's time.
If I were you, I believe I would check the Al-Anon meeting schedule and tell her she can pick which of her meetings, scheduled at the same time as any of the Al-Anon meetings, she would like to give up, and to select one other night of her choosing to give up THAT meeting. And then just leave on your chosen night. She can take the kids with her to the meeting if she truly wants to go. Or she can arrange for a babysitter. But you do have the right to absolutely insist upon this.
She may bring out the "You're not supporting my recovery" card. Don't buy it. That is utter BS. You must be coldly determined, and not allow yourself to be manipulated.
She will adjust, trust me. Let her be mad, let her be a drama queen. Tough. You have to be prepared to deal with her anger. Just let it roll off you, because this is something you have the RIGHT to.
Lots of us AA members enjoy meetings, and even when we don't need them to stay sober, ourselves, anymore, we like to be there for the fellowship and to help the newcomers. Nothing wrong with going to as many meetings as you want, PROVIDED you are not imposing unfairly on someone else's time.
If I were you, I believe I would check the Al-Anon meeting schedule and tell her she can pick which of her meetings, scheduled at the same time as any of the Al-Anon meetings, she would like to give up, and to select one other night of her choosing to give up THAT meeting. And then just leave on your chosen night. She can take the kids with her to the meeting if she truly wants to go. Or she can arrange for a babysitter. But you do have the right to absolutely insist upon this.
She may bring out the "You're not supporting my recovery" card. Don't buy it. That is utter BS. You must be coldly determined, and not allow yourself to be manipulated.
She will adjust, trust me. Let her be mad, let her be a drama queen. Tough. You have to be prepared to deal with her anger. Just let it roll off you, because this is something you have the RIGHT to.
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