Need a Little Encouragement
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Great Lakes
Posts: 84
Originally Posted by AnvilheadII 
think of a telemarketer call, the only thing you can say that CHANGES the situation is "take me off your list, never call again" and hang up. OR better yet, not even answer. addiction is a lot like telemarketing...relentless, uncaring and having no issue with invading your space and serenity at any time cuz it wants to.
that is so very perfect and succinct. Thank you.
Journey To Me
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Kyle, Texas
Posts: 395
Originally Posted by AnvilheadII
think of a telemarketer call, the only thing you can say that CHANGES the situation is "take me off your list, never call again" and hang up. OR better yet, not even answer. addiction is a lot like telemarketing...relentless, uncaring and having no issue with invading your space and serenity at any time cuz it wants to.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Illinois
Posts: 94
Thanks all -love the telemarketer analogy! I definitely want taken off of AH's "list"!
I have had a very relaxing, productive weekend with the boys with absolutely NO calls/texts/whining from AH. Talked to my sis-in-law today though, and AH hasn't exactly been honest with his parents. According to them, my AH has left the divorce up to me and he is waiting for an answer.
Thing is. . .he knows the answer. I talk to our lawyer tomorrow.
I have had a very relaxing, productive weekend with the boys with absolutely NO calls/texts/whining from AH. Talked to my sis-in-law today though, and AH hasn't exactly been honest with his parents. According to them, my AH has left the divorce up to me and he is waiting for an answer.
Thing is. . .he knows the answer. I talk to our lawyer tomorrow.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Detroit, MI
Posts: 63
I hate that he is doing this to you and your kids. Obviously you love him because if not you still wouldn't be there. If I were you I would get a piece of paper and write down the negatives and positives of staying in the marriage. Also I would take a look at my kids and ask myself is it worth putting them through all of the disc unction that comes with being in a relationship with an A. Where do you see yourself in the next 5-10 years? Do you even still have the strength to keep enduring his behavior? I wish you the best and I know you are strong enough to handle him.
Originally Posted by CompletelyLost4
OK, so I've shared my story about life with my AH, his short stint in detox, and his relapse less than a week from his release. Last weekend, I had a million things going on. I played in a trivia night with my colleagues to raise money for a scholarship fund, baked for a friend's benefit, then baked and iced over a hundred cupcakes for my sister's baby shower. In the middle of all of this, my AH decides to become "husband of the year" by coming over and getting the mowers ready for summer and mowing the yard. This is something the guy NEVER did before - yard work. . . basically anything to do with the house has been my job just because he's too drunk to do it. So - he tells me while at the house that he's decided he can "handle" two or three beers at night, and he thinks that's what bothered me anyway - the day-long drinking. He proceeds to tell me (i.e. manipulate) that if I could live with 2-3 beers a night, he could do this because if not he would just have to file for divorce. 
I honestly had too much on my plate at the time for that to sink in really well until Monday morning, when I woke up thinking "What in the heck?!?" First of all - I loooooooove how all of this is turned around to me being cruel and heartless. It was cruel to put me through 13 years of a roller-coaster marriage thanks to his drinking. Second - so after a 6 day stint in rehab, he now has the ability to "just" have 2-3 beers and no more? He isn't going to meetings, he hasn't dealt with or admitted to the affect he has had on our children. . . the guy came out of there still in complete and utter denial.
So, this morning I get a text. "We need to talk tonight about where we are headed." I felt instantly sick. I know I have an evening of crap to deal with, and he is going to try to turn this into my fault, my decision, I'm giving him no choice. . . yada, yada, yada.
So what I need is encouragement. Please remind me of all the reasons I am doing this. Help me with what I need to say to help him see this is what is best for all of us. I am exhausted, drained, and need help from all of you wonderful people.
I honestly had too much on my plate at the time for that to sink in really well until Monday morning, when I woke up thinking "What in the heck?!?" First of all - I loooooooove how all of this is turned around to me being cruel and heartless. It was cruel to put me through 13 years of a roller-coaster marriage thanks to his drinking. Second - so after a 6 day stint in rehab, he now has the ability to "just" have 2-3 beers and no more? He isn't going to meetings, he hasn't dealt with or admitted to the affect he has had on our children. . . the guy came out of there still in complete and utter denial.
So, this morning I get a text. "We need to talk tonight about where we are headed." I felt instantly sick. I know I have an evening of crap to deal with, and he is going to try to turn this into my fault, my decision, I'm giving him no choice. . . yada, yada, yada.
So what I need is encouragement. Please remind me of all the reasons I am doing this. Help me with what I need to say to help him see this is what is best for all of us. I am exhausted, drained, and need help from all of you wonderful people.
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