Giving up
 

I just don't think I can handle this anymore. I've become physically ill as well as emotionally ill. Nothing I say or do can bring him out of his denial, and I'm tired. There are days when I'm ok and I think I can cope with this disease, but those days are getting fewer and fewer. I'm to the point where I feel like the only way to keep my sanity is to call it quits. He doesn't understand how I can say I love him, but not want to be with him. I'm so tired and confused. I'm angry with him all the time, I told him that it's not healthy for any of us when I'm mad all the time. I've tried to stop being angry, but just looking at him makes me sick. I can't stand the smell of him and I get to take care of the kids when he wakes them up in middle of the night, because he can't be quiet. Then I'm up all night with the kids while he's snoring away, and I have to work all day on 3 hours of sleep. This is not the life I want.
Carolann

Hey Carolann,
Big hugs to you my friend, it sounds like you need them.
It's really hard when all of the responsibility falls on you because they have checked out.
It sounds like you need a break. Is there anyone who can watch the kids for you so you can get out and do something fun?
I'm sorry you're feeling so frustrated.
Peace,
Gabe

Re: Giving up
 

Carol-
I'm right where you are, except mine doesn't wake the kids... He's just gone..
things have been going downhill quickly here,especially since he broke his ankle in March... He spends all day drinking or sleeping it off. Usually drinking. Today was the first day he slept since he went out Monday night. Has he done anything around here?? no... Of course he can go to the bar, or to the neighbors, or a Cubs game, or WWf with his boozo buddies. That's about it.
I have barely spoken to him in 2 months.
Yesterday and today, my stomach has been killing me. I know I will have to give my kids money and a trip to the mall for my mothers day present. I'm sure he has no money left. Anyway, tonight is softball, then to the bar, so doubtful he will be home tomorrow to take them, and it;s important to them to have something for their mom, so , of course, I will have to do it. Then make plans for Sunday as, as I suspect, if he isnot home tomorrow, he will not be home sunday.
Sorry to sound so bitter, but I am not having a good day. I took Monday off work just because I NEED to.. Unfortunately, he might be here. Maybe I'll tell him he won't have to interrupt his busy social life to come home so I can go to work. Hopefully, he'll stay away all weekend.

Re: Giving up
 

Carol, I don't know if it helps, but you are not alone! Your hurt is real and significant and understandable! I'm sorry for what you have to go through, and for your kids. Many of us find ourselves in the same place, some everyday, and some more seldom. I hope you can find some peace to give yourself a moment to think and reach out if there's a group or something near you. This is a safe place to vent, and you will be heard and understood, I assure you. Take care, Pam

Re: Giving up
 

Carolann,
Boy does this sound familiar. My physical health has suffered immensely throughout this ordeal. I just have to keep in mind what you said -- nothing we do or say can make them snap out of it. I know once that finally sinks all the way in, I'm going to be a little more at ease with myself, my life and making choices. I wonder if we come out of this stronger people? I sure hope so. Hang in there.

Re: Giving up
 

Thank you all. I only have a few friends, and none of them live near me. Everyone here makes me feel so loved and full of hope. I hope that all of you have a wonderful day! And I send hugs to each of you.

Carolann