journey1

can someone please tell me a little about alcoholism. does an alcoholic just move on with no worries. i understand a bit but still think that he is having a good time.

myles1

Journey1,

No they don't move on with no worries.

You are probably thinking he's out there having a great time. Believe me he may think he is but he's not.

All that he is doing is for avoidance of himself and his life. It's how he has learned to cope with life. It's only coping mechanisms. But it's all bandaiding the real problems which will keep coming to the surface. As long as he deals with nothing his issues will keep festering,dictating his actions and keep him trapped in his illness.

You on the other hand are working on yourself and dealing with your issues at a much deeper level. You are mourning your loss. In a nutshell you are taking the steps to heal yourself permanently so the wound doesn't keep opening. And you can move on.

Try to change your thinking that he's moved on with no worries, that's your mind playing tricks.

Ngaire

whiplash

Journey, Just from reading your posts, including the response to my thread, you seem to understand alcoholism pretty dang well.
I don't think he's having a good time. On the surface and for a few hours, maybe. But that guilt and anger and depression that hits them the day after is alwats so devastating to watch -- I can't believe it's any fun. Sometimes I go over and read the AA or alcoholism posts on this board. It gives me insight into how this affects the A.

Zoey

Hi JOURNEY 1
I was one that just needed to know what goes on with the alcoholic. So I started taking courses,to be a drug and alchol counselor.
I also found other Al-Anon's that would go with me to open AA meetings.
Also went to AA conferences, this is where one hears what the AA's call their Drunk-A-Logs. They are speakers that tell "how it was, what happened, and what it's like now" Somehow the AA meetings and taking courses helped me the most. also I went to the library and found books written by recovering alcoholic's.

One thing I could see was my hubby 's nerves were wound tight. That drink was his tranquilizer, and his anti-anxiety pill all in one. I could see he needed it.
Some of the old timers tell the new ones, "No you did not drink because of your job, No, you did not drink because your wife drove you crazy, You drank because you are alcoholic" Lots of it is hereditary.

This is Just my own thought, men do not talk, they are more alone than the females. Women talk about everything to everty one.
The female goes to the Dr. and gets Rx's, but for men their Rx is alcohol, and it works. Alcohol has saved lives as well as taking them.

Of 4 Brothers 2 went over the fine line, The other 2 stayed borderline and with age just drank socially. My hubby and one brother did not eat breakfast where the other two did. The other two had to have some lunch. and wanted a big eve meal. My hubby was too driven with work to eat. therefor his blood sugar level was screwed up I believe, and he was not getting good vitamin's in food, so the first drink was heaven. He finally started having beer for breakfast after he left the house to go to the farm. He was first a work-aholic, so work came first. He controlled in order to do his work. Then he drank a lot each and every eve. I ramble once I start. Best wishes to you. Clancy46

Zoey

PS....I just posted. Wanted to add, yes, I thought my hubby was having a great, fun time, I think he was, He was a fun well liked drunk. always in this small town bar. Great sense of humor and a wonderfull quick laugh.
Never a DUI, never wrote a bad check, etc. So of course he did not have a problem.
But, I wanted to add, Blackouts that they have cannot be detected. by others. They say and do things in blackouts, that they never ever remember. If anyone mentions something, they think that person is lying. I have never heard if blackouts come closer together, and last longer the more years they drink???? But each person diff, maybe some never have blackouts. Wish I knew. Clancy46

Gracie1953

Journey,

As long as alcoholics are active alcoholics, they do not move on, and they are not having any fun. They only think they are having fun. Alcoholics are in a world of their own. Their thoughts and activities revolve only around them -- their needs, their wants to the exclusion of all else.

Alcoholics only do what they have to in order to get what they want. They stay self-medicated because they can't deal with their lives or their feelings. It's too painful for them. It's the self-medicating effects of alcohol that keeps them from moving on as well. Since the focus of their lives is drinking, they are not doing the other types of things that non-drinkers do to develop themselves personally, and professionally. They're too busy drinking.

It's a viscious cycle. Unfortunately, we as friends and relatives can to nothing to stop it. It's a decision only they can make. Some never do. That's why we need to focus on taking care of ourselves. No one else is going to do it and there is no sense in worrying about things we have no control over.

Hope this helps,


Gracie