DreamsofSerenity

Everything was going well until recently when this little voice in my head started telling me it would be okay to write him just one email. I want to tell him that I don't miss him, how much better my life is without him in it, and that I have not replaced him with another man. (He always accused me of being incapable of being alone). Of course this is all BS because if my life is so great, and I am so healthy, why do I care if he knows it??

So I'm thinking this might be something like the alcoholic (or addict?) voice that I've read about. I'm not really sure what the AV is exactly, but I'm assuming it's a little voice that tries to sabotage one's recovery? I feel like I'm on the verge of a relapse. It's crazy.

dandylion

Dreams of serenity, I think you are correct in your assessment. When alcoholics are struggling with that voice, they are told to go to a meeting. For codies, I think the same advice would apply--or get with those that reinforce the need to keep on the path to recovery.

dandylion

Impurrfect

I do think we codies have an AV. I know my addictive AV is mostly quiet, these days. However, the codie one will tell me I'm being too harsh when I'm just standing up for myself, take me to the "what if's" or some other codie behavior.

The good news is that, after all these years, I'm better at recognizing the voice for what it is...old habits, and not give in to it. Most of the time

Progress not perfection!

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

Tuffgirl

My AV likes to say all kinds of illogical crap. But I, too, get better at calling myself out on my magical thinking every day.

Being self aware is key. You thought about it first. That's a great first step!

DreamsofSerenity

Thanks, everyone. It's good to know this is normal and I'm not completely coming unglued.

I'm off to meet a woman from my yoga class who wants to discuss an energy workshop she went to. (Why not?) She's been reaching out to me, and I've avoided her because I'm an anti-social freak. I feel like if I push myself into new things, it might silence this AV. It seems to have worked before.

I'm so grateful for SR!

brokenrose

DreamsofSerenity, how are you my friend? You are not crazy, I too still get the AV telling me to text him and tell him how much better I am, and I despise him for all the terrible things he did...but then I stop and say why? He doesn't care, he doesn't care if you are well or not well, why un-do what you've worked so hard to do which is to stay no contact. I figure since its been almost a full month of no contact on my part, that is the clearest and loudest message of all to him....that I have moved on and no longer care to hear from him....saturday is his bday, I am happy to say I am going on a date with another man. The exabf will know from my silence that this time, its really over. Stay strong and pm me! I miss chatting with you. I will help you through this just like you have helped me so much. Hugs

DreamsofSerenity

Hi Brokenrose! It sounds like you need to change your name to Bloomingrose. I will PM you. Xx

boldaslove

I think of mine as that little voice that says, "Well, maybe he's changed."