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Old 04-11-2013, 12:43 PM   #21 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by redatlanta View Post
It seems to me you are in a pretty good position - though might have to pay some alimony. Nothing to do but move on and file if he refuses to get treatment. He can work so .....I don't think the Courts would award him alimony for very long. Just my opinion but I would go ahead and put the kids in day care which I think you mentioned was your wish anyway. He then loses his job as housedad and it does establish a little more credibility on your end with his alcoholism.

Are you the sole breadwinner? Does he have access to your money? If so might be time to open a new account without his name on it.

Why don't you make an appt with a family atty? Usually they have a strategy to put in place to protect you before you even ever file (such as going ahead a separating finances).
I am sincerely worried about his reaction to any serious move on my part to move the kids out of his care. He does truly love them - and I am sure he is aware that the housedad narrative may be of use to him in a custody dispute.

I do think I should probably open a new checking account. I am the sole breadearner and I would continue to pay all bills, including his student loans. But I don't want any difficulties.
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Old 04-11-2013, 12:46 PM   #22 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by LexieCat View Post
redatlanta has it right. Consult a family lawyer NOW who can advise you on the best strategy for arranging things before any separation. Don't guess. I used to try to do all the research myself, and got myself tied up in knots because I'm just too close to the situation.

Incidentally, many lawyers will reduce their fees as a professional courtesy to lawyer clients. All the lawyers I have ever dealt with did that for me. Just ask before you sign a retainer agreement.
You are right. Sigh - so much cash wasted. But I suppose cry now for spending it or cry later for spending more then.
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Old 04-11-2013, 12:51 PM   #23 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by sunnshinegirl View Post
I have the same problem you have. I love my house and it's a burden for many reasons to leave not the least being I have the job that supports the house payments, etc. And I've been told by my lawyer we both have a right to be here and nothing I can do about it unless his behavior escalates beyond verbal abuse and throwing stuff around the room. I've also been informed I'll probably end up with the house and that we could file and ask that I be awarded possession of the house while things are progressing but no guarantee the judge would honor that request. If you haven't seen a lawyer, see one right away. Because you have minor children, you might be able to stay in the house. My heart goes out to you. It's very, very difficult. I personally have decided to leave the house but it's taken me a year to get to that point. I thought I could stay in the house and cope with the situation but I didn't factor in his progressive disease of alcoholism. I'm glad you found this board. Everyone is so helpful and has lots of experience to share.
Thank you. I need to keep focused on the fact that this is progressive - no excuses or anymore waiting around for him to have a good moment or change of heart.

Are you going to pay the mortgage while you are out?
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Old 04-11-2013, 01:42 PM   #24 (permalink)
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My AH is in his 60s and I don't even recognize him any longer. In just a couple of years, he's changed so much and it's very sad. Yes, I'm going to keep making payments because that's what my attorney told me to do. Going to see an attorney was the best thing I ever did because she answered so many questions I had and helped me with some of the things I was really worried about.
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stella27 (04-11-2013)
Old 04-11-2013, 01:50 PM   #25 (permalink)
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sunnshine, we were in our late 30's and I didn't recognize mine anymore. Isn't that a freaky phenomenon?
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Old 04-11-2013, 02:30 PM   #26 (permalink)
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Stella, it's scary to live with and so sad to watch. My AH won't do anything about it and says he enjoys drinking and that's that. Sorry you had to go through it too.
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