A mothers worst nightmare
 

My child disclosed some horrible things to me today. He told me today that(above everything else that has gone on) that my ex's brother, his uncle, had sexually abused him. I am in complete and utter shock. Although I took the right steps(calling welfare and the police) I'm still so messed up about it and blaming myself partially for it happening. I am just so emotionally unsure right now. Please help me.

Re: A mothers worst nightmare
 

I am so sorry. Please Please DO NOT blame yourself!! Start therapy for yourself and child as soon as possible. This is NOT your fault! I am so very sorry. I will be praying for your and your family. Big hugs

Re: A mothers worst nightmare
 

You did take the right steps. Good for you. You cannot blame yourself for other peoples actions. If you would have known about it, you would have done something about it. I'm sorry anyone has to go through what you and he are going through. Try to stay emotionally strong, for yourself and your son, he will need you to lean on I'm guessing. I will say a prayer for you both also.

Re: A mothers worst nightmare
 

that is so awful!!! It's sounds like you are doing the right thing...

I wish you the best of luck in this, that everything works out as best it can...

Re: A mothers worst nightmare
 

I agree that none of this is your fault. When you found out you did something about it and you can be proud of that.

And counselling would be great for both of you right now. It won't change what happened but it will help you both move forward a little stronger and healthier.

I won't tell you what I hope they do to that man!!! :cloud

Hugs and prayers for you and your son.
Ann

Re: A mothers worst nightmare
 

So sorry to hear you and your son have to go through this awful experience. I too will be saying lots of prayers. Like the others said- PLEASE DON'T BLAME YOURSELF! You can't change what happened, but you can control how you deal with it all, and it sounds like you are taking the right moves to make this man accountable for his actions and for protecting your son. It is so great that your son was able to find the strength to tell you about this- very brave little boy (wouldn't have anything to do with his momma being so brave lately?). We can't take responsibility for ANYONE else's actions, and you were not an instigator (sp?) of the abuse in ANY given way. Take care and give yourself a great big hug!
PS: Remember we are all here for you whenever you need to talk!
-SFG29

Re: A mothers worst nightmare
 

Hi,

Are there any support groups around for that kind of thing in your area? You did the right things when your son told you.

Ngaire

Re: A mothers worst nightmare
 

You poor thing. I'm so sorry to hear about that.
I am so glad, though, that your son had the courage to tell you. So often children hide it out of shame. You need to pat yourself on the back for having developed a relationship with him that allows him to be truly open with you.
Now you can both deal with it in a constructive, mature way.
My prayers are with you both.

Re: A mothers worst nightmare
 

I really don't know why some of us have to walk through bigger garbage dumps than others do, however, you have taken steps to help your son, yourself, and prevent the perpetrator from doing this again. Good for you! Not every parent has/had the abilitiy to do that.

Love and prayers from one who cares,
Daffodil

Re: A mothers worst nightmare
 

Please don't blame yourself. You did the right thing. My heart is breaking for you and your son. I do think the counseling will be very helpful, allowing your son the ability to talk about this with someone equipped to help him deal with it. God bless you. I am praying for your family right now.

Tina

Re: A mothers worst nightmare
 

(((Singlemom)))

Re: A mothers worst nightmare
 

that is a mother's worst nightmare...... I have no idea of the pain you have right now, I am so sorry. "Dear God, I lift up this family and their precious son. I pray for his healing on the inside and am so thankful he knew to trust his mom with what had to have been a scary secret! Help her love him and get him to talk about it, and find the right people to help him heal stronger than he was before with compassion and confidence for himself and others! You know the pain of betrayal and we ask that you bring your peace to this situation. Amen"
I don't know if you're a believer, but I definitely am and I'll continue to pray for you all, and especially for you and your son! My heart hurts for you! Pam

Re: A mothers worst nightmare
 

(((((((((Singlemom)))))))))), prayers for you and your son and kudos for you taking the steps to handle this disgusting situation...no fault of you or your son's.

Double kudos that you're there for your son...I'm afraid I'd be locked up somewhere after committing a crime of passion against the perpetrator.

Re: A mothers worst nightmare
 

hi singlemom,

i agree with the others, you did the right thing in gettng in contact with the authorities.

now the most important thing you can do is focus on supporting your son, thru interviews etc, and show him, keep showing him that you are a) pleased/proud he trusted you as his mom to tell you b) that you believe him, will continue to believe hime and c) will do everything you can to help him through the next stages - that you will do this together etc.

that way you both got a plan, especially you, and your boy has someone and something to hang onto.

i am not sure how old you son is but it is very important you maintain that belief with him. also remember he is still the same boy, this is another thing that you know for him, dont forever make him a victim by unconsciously turning him into the abused boy, if you know what i mean. he is still the same kid.

good luck with it.

kath (ps - i know a bit about this stuff so if you want to PM for extra advise etc no probs - cheers)

Re: A mothers worst nightmare
 

oh and another thing i just thought of.
'
it is really important that your son understands that he is not responsible for what happened to him and that you and every one else knows he is not responsible.

often kids confuse their 'telling' and the associated fuss of interviews, police etc as being their fault, eg they caused a fuss. this is then often translated in their heads as being responsible not only for the telling, the fuss but also the abuse, which of course is not true.

so it is important to let him know that a) yes there is a fuss but that is because he was being responsible in telling what happened to him and telling and causing a 'fuss' is the right thing to do b) the person who is responsible for the abuse and really causing the 'fuss' is his uncle because his uncle hurt him, did a bad thing to him, and his uncles behaviour is what needs to be sorted out etc. he is not responsible for his uncles actions etc, his uncle is the adult etc etc etc

i hope this makes sense

cheers and good luck
kath