luvmyfurbabies

Hi everyone, I am a newbie here and am questioning myself. I'll try to make this as short as possible. My fiance and I have been together for almost 9 years. He loves me, works very hard, hands me his paycheck every Thursday, never complains when I spend money, has never even yelled at me, built a 2-car garage with a mother-in-law apartment next to our house for my mom last year, and so on. He's a wonderful person but he drinks about 12 beers every day and it drives me up a wall. I don't drink and I can't stand the red eyes, the beer smell, the swaying walk. You get my point, don't you? After reading a lot of the posts here, I almost feel guilty for posting this. He knows he has a drinking problem but refuses to discuss it. I worry about what he's doing to his health and my sanity. I don't nag him but I am distancing myself from him. Other than his drinking we have a wonderful life. His mood doesn't change when he drinks, he never gets mean or anything like that, he doesn't go to bars or out with friends. He's always home with me. Am I asking too much of him? I know that Dr. Phil says I have a right to my feelings and this is how I feel. Should I be even be here? Barb

Gabe

Hi Barb,
Welcome!
If his drinking is a problem for you, it's a problem.
There are a lot of functioning alcoholics. They drink a lot, but it doesn't seem to have the disasterous consequences that occur in the lives of other alcoholics.
But if his drinking is affecting your relationship with him, it's a problem.
Of course you belong here. Pull up a chair and make yourself comfortable.
Peace,
Gabe

smf30

Welcome Barb!! I got chills reading your post, because I was in your shoes a year ago. Yep, you belong here. His drinking makes you uncomfortable and he probably sees nothing wrong with it because he doesn't think he has a problem. Stick around and do a lot of reading the posts, it's helped me a lot. He obviously has a drinking problem but their minds are sooooo clouded.

For example, my AH thought because he drank BEER, wasn't at the bar 24/7 (he drank at home) and held down a job, that he was not an alcoholic. When I would complain about the constant beer in the fridge (just like my childhood) his reply would be "well at least I'm not like the losers sitting on a barstool for 5 hours after work".

I wish you the best of luck. I know all too well what you are going thru, and it's not fun. Distancing yourself from it is probably a good thing for you right now.

JT

I agree that if it is a problem for you...it is a problem. If you hang here it may become less of a problem or more of a problem for you. The important thing is that you become informed and you may learn to focus on what is good vs a flaw. We ARE a grateful bunch and it tends to wear off!

Make yourself at home...you are sooo welcome!
JT