amy55

I am angry that my sister asked me for a favor. Please watch, take care of 2 cats while her daughter gets settled and has a new apt. Asked me to do this for one month. It is now six weeks.

Get a phone call from my mom today, they, (my sis and mom) were talking about the cats. Decided I should drop them off at a shelter.

Ok, now I know I have 4 cats instead of 2, but was told I can drop 2 off at a shelter, to be caged, for I don't know how long, or eventually euthanized.

I am so p!ssed to be put in this position.

Of course I will not take the cats to a shelter, but it is like d@mned if I do, d@mned if I don't. If I don't, I will always hear that I could have gotten rid of them, if I don't, I now have 4 cats.

How do I stop people from walking all over me like this? I can't make the cats pay for this.

amy55

I just know I have 4 cats, I will not let anyone hurt them.

amy55

If asked I don't think I can even return the cats to my sister or her daughter. They don't seem to respect life. And I am just crying here thinking this was the family that I came from

redatlanta

I am so sorry its painful to be treated like that. My kudos for keeping the cats - I am a cat lover. I have 3 and yes I would have more if I had the room.

Lucky kitties to have found such a loving mommy in you.

Perhaps disengage in conversation with your family about the subject.

DreamsofSerenity

That is totally something that would happen to me! It's so hard to stop being the person people take advantage of because they can.

I'm on "vacation" right now with "friends" and have cooked every damn meal we've had. Last night I cooked in a slowcooker early in the afternoon so I could go to yoga and wouldn't have to cook when I got home at 8:00 PM.. Well, I got home from yoga and everyone had already eaten MY meal without me. I seriously wanted to kill someone.

Can you try to find another home for the cats? Maybe you could just tell yourself that this is a good deed that you are doing for the cats (not them) and then the next time your mom and sister ask for a favor say "no." I feel your anger!

Your friend..

chicory

Bless your heart, for caring about these babies. I have four cats, and I know that it is a job, but one that I gladly do. They are so blessed to have been left with you!

I am sorry for your disappointment in your family. I have had that sort of thing happen in my family too. You can just be thankful that you are you, and what a loving person you are. you are the lucky one

thank you, again, for sharing your home with these little ones. they will give you love in return. You have most likely saved them from euthanasia. Animals are so at the mercy of those who should be protecting them.

hugs,
chicory

amy55

Thank you for the responses. I might try to find them homes, but I did become attached to them. Will not let them go, until it is to a really good home.

I also know about the cooking, and the cleaning up afterwards.
.
Problem is, I have to go to a Christening on Saturday. Will see my mom, who is 80 and now lives in florida, and I don't get to see her that often, and also my sister who dumped the cats on me. And I hate to use the word "dumped" because I love those cats.

I was also told I could try to find another home for them, but I am new to my area. I don't want to give my cats to someone who might abuse them.

I tried to play with them today. My cats were really good, the other cats didn't know how to play. I didn't realize that till today. They seemed fine chasing each other, but I never noticed that they do not know how to play. It breaks my heart.

amy55

chicory,

my cats will not be taken from me or given away, not even back to their owner. Not after what I am seeing. Yes, 4 cats may be a lot, but ya know what, you have a vacuum cleaner, right?????

Just be more difficult to get away for a night or two

amy55

How do I go to this Christening Party and not explode? I know that I am keeping the extra 2 cats. But how do I not explode and tell them what I think of them, and what could happen to the cats if I did put them in a shelter?

I am supposed to sleep over that night since I have a 2 hour driving distance

dandylion

OMG, Amy, this sounds like a "trick" that my sister and mother would have pulled on me. God bless you for being the person that you are! My gut sense--though I don't know--is that they might have tried to put them off on your 80yr. old mother and that didn't work--so it got punted to you. They probably trust in the fact that you are a m oral and responsible person with a good heart--so, you were an "easy answer" to their little problem.

The challenge for you might be to give them an "honest, learning communication" (otherwise known as a "Come to Jesus Talk") when you go to the christening. WITHOUT EXPLODING. Without exploding is the key. Make this a practice for yourself in being open and honest about your feelings and being assertive in setting your own boundries and morals.

I would practice what I want to communicate ahead of time--so as NOT TO EXPLODE. I would explain it as I would too a child who needs to learn about the respect for life--and being irresponsible to God's Creatures.

Here is the kicker (as I see it)--The fact that there is a Christening implies that there is a religious theme somewhere in the family that is being honored. HOW IN THE WORLD CAN ONE GO INTO A HOUSE OF WORSHIP ON ONE HAND AND DISRESPECT THE SANCTITY OF LIFE OF GODS LITTLE CREATURES????

Tell your sister (and your niece) that you are keeping the cats because of your contract with God--NOT because of them. They don't deserve it.

If they don't like this--they are free to react in any way they want---but, they need to hear this from someone (you). They may be two inadequate, spiritually, to absorb this, but, hey, YOUR CONSCIENCE WILL BE WIPED CLEAN.

Whatever you do--DO NOT EXPLODE OR RAISE YOUR VOICE OR SAY MEAN THINGS BACK TO THEM. The "key" is to stay as serene as the Madonna.

You have my complete empathy. Remember that you can choose your friends but you can't choose your family.

Very sincerely, dandylion

amy55

Thanks dandylion,

The anger is almost gone, it should be totally gone by tomorrow, for the christening. My sister did not try to give the cats to my mom, my mom does not like cats, and she lives in florida, my sister in NJ, and I in Pa.

Another thing that my mom said to me yesterday was that I should give all my cats back to the shelter, and I should find a boyfriend instead. I just told her that my cats love me, I love them, and they are there for me. I don't want or need a boyfriend, I just went through an 27 yr abusive marriage, and I didn't need or want another one.

I have accepted that I now have 4 cats, but it still hurts my head and my heart that I could be callously told to bring the cats to the shelter.

I am glad that I am me, and that I cannot do this. It is an inconvenience at this time since I am still having work done on my house, but I will need to just deal with that.

I will not explode tomorrow. I accept the cats as Gods gift to me, and be thankful that I have them, and they will not go back to a shelter.

I am peeved at how little respect some people have for Gods creatures, but hey, at least that isn't me.

Now on the lighter side, can anyone tell me why my kitten goes around each night searching out tissues, paper towels, or napkins to throw it into the water bowl, and then later on gets it out and puts the wet tissues on my couch? (lol) gotta luv 'em.

dandylion

Dear Amy---am I being punked, here??? Less than 24 hrs. ago, you were claiming to be emotionally anguished to the point that you were "crying to think that this was your family", and now--less than 24 hrs. later the anger is magically evaporating!!!?

This a.m. you say that your heart and head is hurting because of being told you should take all of your cats to a shelter---but your anger is almost gone?

I have a hunch that you are terrified of confrontation with your family--so you rationalize away your true feelings and stuff them. It is easier to understand how you stayed i n an abusive relationship for 27yrs. and why it is easy for your family to dump the cats o n you. They all know that you are an easy target and I would not be surprised if they don't do it again.

One of the costs of being a "people pleaser" is to deny your true feelings (thus, denying a part of yourself) and getting walked on.

It is impossible to be deeply hurt and not feel anger at the person that has hurt you.

sincerely, dandylion

amy55

Dear dandylion,

You're right. Thank you. I am trying to work on that, but it is so hard. I do need help with that.

I wouldn't dare go out there and date again, because I don't trust myself.

I do feel anger about this, but it seems that the anger I feel is not for me, it is anger for the cats. I should be angry about being dumped on, but I feel more anger that my family would just dump cats. Like they were nothing.

Need to think some more about this

Tuffgirl

What a dirty trick - making you do the deed of sending the cats to the shelter so they don't have to. How convenient!

Dandylion makes a good point, though, about not being angry with your sister that she pulled this stunt to begin with. Any chance of bringing the cats back to them and handing them over?

dandylion

Dear Amy, I think I understand the origin of this, because I had to stuff my feelings as a kid--literally in order to survive. Just as you, I feel lots of empathy for others who suffer (which I see as a good thing).

I had to work on my self-esteem, a lot, over the years---specifically when dealing with those who would not place value on my rights. The main thing for me was---I don't have to be the continuous peacemaker and keep everybody happy in order to not be rejected. If some does reject me anyway---then I have not really lost anything anyway. They did not value me in the first place!!!

The most important thing that any one of us must NEVER do is to reject ourselves. When people abuse us and we do not stand up for ourselves (doormat)---that is how we reject ourselves.

sincerely, dandylion

amy55

I do see that I need to do a lot of work on myself. I see that I have more empathy for people, then I do for myself. D@mn I went thru 2 different cancers, and had to support my family emotionally during this time instead of looking out for me. This sister that I am talking about actually said to me when I was diagnosed, both cancers at the same time, that she was glad that it was me, and not her, because she couldn't deal with it.

I would like to bring the cats back and just leave them to do whatever, but I can't.

What I will do is talk to my niece and tell her that I still have the cats, and it is an inconvenience but that I will keep them for her, for when she finds an apt.

My niece is 22. She is a recovering addict. She was on probation in NYC for 2 years. She has been clean the entire time, at least I hope she was.

I'll try to dump this back to her, but I do know, whatever happens, I will keep these cats before putting them in a shelter.

I do try to keep the family peace, but that is really hard, would need a whole other thread to explain that.

Thank you for listening to me

dandylion

Dear amy, I am so glad that the kittys have you to love and care for them. Actually, I am with you that I wouldn't trust them with the cats now, anyway. At least you won't change your mind and "dump" them somewhere!

Amy, we get the card we are dealt with at birth. We have no control of that as that we are innocent babes. Sometimes, out immediate family is not going to be able or willing to give us what we need in this life. They are still family, and we can aim to accept them for what they are, forgive them (eventually) and (maybe) even love them in spite of their imperfections.

I think those of us who have h ad to suffer dysfunctional people in our family of origin have to broaden our definition of family and find it in the larger world. There are wonderful and loving people outside our family circle who can give us what we need--if we let them.

I think working the steps of alanon would be a great experience for you at this point--as well as individual therapy for certain issues--if you see the need.

Please keep posting as often as you need.

very sincerely, dandylion