Facing Our Darker Side
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Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 5,750
Facing Our Darker Side
Tuesday, April 2, 2013
You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go
Facing Our Darker Side
Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
—Step Four of Al-Anon
By the time we get to the Fourth of the Twelve Steps, we are ready to face our darker side, the side that prevents us from loving others, from letting others love us, and from enjoying life and ourselves. The purpose of Step Four is not to make ourselves feel worse; our purpose is to begin to remove our blocks to joy and love.
We look for fears, anger, hurt, and shame from past events - buried feelings that may be affecting our life today. We search for subconscious beliefs about others and ourselves that may be interfering with the quality of our relationships. These beliefs say: I'm not lovable . . . I'm a burden to those around me . . . People can't be trusted . . . I can't be trusted . . . I don't deserve to be happy and successful . . . Life isn't worth living. We look at our behaviors and patterns with an eye toward discerning the self-defeating ones. With love and compassion for ourselves, we try to unearth all our guilt - earned and unearned - and expose it to the light.
We perform this examination without fear of what we shall find, because this soul searching can cleanse us and help us feel better about ourselves than we ever dreamt possible.
God, help me search out the blocks and barriers within myself. Bring what I need to know into my conscious mind, so I can be free of it. Show me what I need to know about myself.
You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go
Facing Our Darker Side
Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
—Step Four of Al-Anon
By the time we get to the Fourth of the Twelve Steps, we are ready to face our darker side, the side that prevents us from loving others, from letting others love us, and from enjoying life and ourselves. The purpose of Step Four is not to make ourselves feel worse; our purpose is to begin to remove our blocks to joy and love.
We look for fears, anger, hurt, and shame from past events - buried feelings that may be affecting our life today. We search for subconscious beliefs about others and ourselves that may be interfering with the quality of our relationships. These beliefs say: I'm not lovable . . . I'm a burden to those around me . . . People can't be trusted . . . I can't be trusted . . . I don't deserve to be happy and successful . . . Life isn't worth living. We look at our behaviors and patterns with an eye toward discerning the self-defeating ones. With love and compassion for ourselves, we try to unearth all our guilt - earned and unearned - and expose it to the light.
We perform this examination without fear of what we shall find, because this soul searching can cleanse us and help us feel better about ourselves than we ever dreamt possible.
God, help me search out the blocks and barriers within myself. Bring what I need to know into my conscious mind, so I can be free of it. Show me what I need to know about myself.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 198
I read this book nearly every day and has helped me tremondously. One thing about the book that is frustrating to me is it states to get over your anger, let things go - but the book doesnt state exactly HOW to do those things.
This Facing our fears passage I keep coming back to over and over. I've written page after page of my fears, anger, shame, guilt. I have a hard time letting things go, and sometimes things pop up in my brain that i haven't thought about in years. Getting them off my chest so to speak is helpful, but some (ok, MANY) things I keep rolling around in my head constantly. At times, I physically react with a tightened/anxious chest and shallow breathing. So I"m just wondering - how to let go of anger and bad memories?
This Facing our fears passage I keep coming back to over and over. I've written page after page of my fears, anger, shame, guilt. I have a hard time letting things go, and sometimes things pop up in my brain that i haven't thought about in years. Getting them off my chest so to speak is helpful, but some (ok, MANY) things I keep rolling around in my head constantly. At times, I physically react with a tightened/anxious chest and shallow breathing. So I"m just wondering - how to let go of anger and bad memories?
Guest
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: South Africa
Posts: 33
Hi mmk11, I have battled the let it go issue for years as well. Finally, after much trying and failing- but growing through it all, I choose to go 'no contact' in my mind when those ugly blots start to surface. They can come and be chased away if they want to.
I gave up hoping that all those feelings and memories etc. would vanish, they are part of me but they no longer control or define me. If anything they keep me aware that I am human and not one of us humans gets out of this life with innocence.I hope that makes sence.
I gave up hoping that all those feelings and memories etc. would vanish, they are part of me but they no longer control or define me. If anything they keep me aware that I am human and not one of us humans gets out of this life with innocence.I hope that makes sence.
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