I am resentful.

Old 04-02-2013, 06:53 AM
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I am resentful.

I am restsentful about being an alcoholic. It has brought such pain and wreckage.

I am resentful of my family who treat me like a redheaded step child. Why am I the one who always has to contact them. Isn't this suppose to go both ways?

I am resentful that society views addiction as a moral issue and not a health issue.

I am resentful that I have had to endure the US judicial system that treats addiction like it's a criminal matter and not a health issue. HELLO get with the program.

I am resentful that I can't get a job now that I have misdemeanors on my record.

I am resentful that I have to deal with the crap hole of a city I live in.

I am resentful that that I am getting old. Is this someone's idea of a sick joke. Life sucks and then you die.

Okay I got that out. NOW HOW DO I GET RID OF THIS SH**?
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Old 04-02-2013, 06:59 AM
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My suggestion: Take your self out of the victim role (thinking as the victim rather than as a survivor), and recite the Serenity Prayer about a hundred times a day.

Hope this helps.

sincerely, dandylion
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Old 04-02-2013, 08:46 AM
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Agree with Dandylion.

What are YOU doing to take care of your "health issue"? Have you made the CHOICE to stop drinking? Are you in a program?

Don't just sit back and say, "Wow, I have a health issue so I can be excused for anything that comes out of it." Wrong. People have cancer, but they don't run to the neighborhood grocery store and go buy it, and endanger the lives of others with their incoherent driving in the process.

What have you done to repair the "wreckage and pain" that you inflicted on others?

BTW - we all get old. You can make the choices so that it doesn't "suck".

I'm happy you had a good rant, but on these forum you need to back it up with a good effort of a recovery process. We have many active and recovering alcoholics on this forum, and they dont take the tack you did.
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Old 04-02-2013, 09:08 AM
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Dear JBird100, with all due respect, the F&F forum is probably not the best place to take the victim role. Those of us who have loved an A have heard all of this 1000X before.

If you are resentful about the judicial system and having misdemeanors....you brought that on yourself. You are responsible for what got you into the judicial system to begin with. If you are resentful about your family not reaching out, then live your best life and show through your actions that you mean it. Your family may be setting healthy boundaries for themselves. Some things you have no power over....like society and the city you live in. So let that go, and decide to make the best of it.

You do not sound like you are in an active recovery program. There is a difference between being sober, and working a true recovery. I hope you seek AA, find a sponsor, and start to work through all your resentments. In AA you will find the people who can truly support you if you're serious about recovery and having a real life.
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Old 04-02-2013, 02:18 PM
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Well, I am in a program, but what I was asking was trying to get at was what you do with your resentments. Everyone has resentments (off and on more or less). What are some constructive things that one can do or that you have done to get out of being resentful. AND yes I am working a program. Thanks to all for your feedback.
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Old 04-02-2013, 02:33 PM
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JBird, venting about our resentments is about all we can do, so please, vent away.
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Old 04-02-2013, 02:39 PM
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Dear jBird, AA is brimming with ways to change resentments and attitudes.

dandylion
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Old 04-02-2013, 03:12 PM
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I'm not in AA. I'm in MBRP or mindfulness based relapse prevention, and counseling and am a Buddhist. I don't like AA statistics. Only a less than 20% success rate. I am having a lot more success with alternatives and evidence based therapy.
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Old 04-02-2013, 03:36 PM
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Oh, please. Don't get statistical on us.

Apparently your MBRP isn't working to get rid of your resentments. You can stick with that, and still work the Steps that address resentments.

Incidentally, I STRONGLY recommend you check out the books by Kevin Griffin on Buddhist 12-Step recovery. "One Breath At A Time" is an excellent introduction. He also has an awesome website with a schedule of retreats and workshops he does.

I know many Buddhists in AA--they recover just fine, and are some of the most inspirational people I have met in the program.
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Old 04-02-2013, 03:43 PM
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JBird - it's perfectly acceptable and understandable to have feelings of frustration and resentment. We're human beings, and our feelings aren't always pretty. What we do with or about those feelings and the actions we take are what's important here.

I did a Google search for "Buddhism resentment" and there were oodles of hits, with quotes from Buddha regarding resentment and mindfulness exercises to reduce/work through feelings of resentment and anger. I think my favorite of the quotes that I came across is “Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else—you are the one who gets burned.” It's very similar to the quote "Anger is like drinking poison, expecting the other person to die."
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Old 04-02-2013, 04:22 PM
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I am restsentful about being an alcoholic. It has brought such pain and wreckag

We all have resentments or wishes that things would have been easier for us in life. You aren't alone in that.

I am resentful of my family who treat me like a redheaded step child. Why am I the one who always has to contact them. Isn't this suppose to go both ways?

I would imagine you earned this status with them. It isn't that they don't love you. Time heals all wounds it really does. So does sobriety.

I am resentful that society views addiction as a moral issue and not a health issue.


I have to agree with you here. No wants to be an alcoholic

I am resentful that I have had to endure the US judicial system that treats addiction like it's a criminal matter and not a health issue. HELLO get with the program.

No...I think the point is YOU get with the program. If drug/alcohol addiction was a hall pass for breaking the law we would have a society of anarchy. I am certain, that if a loved one of yours were killed by a drunk driver you wouldn't appeal to the court to let them go because "its a health issue".

I am resentful that I can't get a job now that I have misdemeanors on my record.


Guess this depends on what your occupation is. I know felons that are employed,

I am resentful that I have to deal with the crap hole of a city I live in.


Move

I am resentful that that I am getting old. Is this someone's idea of a sick joke. Life sucks and then you die.


My husband wasted 20 years to alcoholism and he is also now an insulin dependent diabetic because of it. He has other health issues due to alcoholism as well. He's 49...we are opening our own business, we are heading to the beach in a week. We have a great and happy life. We only met 3 years ago - he says his life just began and he has never been so happy - he searched for a partner in life and foudn me. IN OTHER WORDS......life is what you make it. If you think life sucks then guess what? Its gonna keep on sucking.

Congrats on your sobriety - its an amazing accomplishment! Don't let it go! Hon, you can't change your past but you can do anything in your future.
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Old 04-02-2013, 04:28 PM
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Try replacing your "I am" statements with more positive statements & repeat them over and over eg:
I am happy to be alive
I am a good person
I am worthy

Use the present tense.

Also for "I can't" statements remove the "t" from can't & repeat all the statements with "I can".

Worth a try.
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Old 04-02-2013, 04:58 PM
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Nobody said life is fair. It isn't. And yep--you're right--in the end nobody gets out alive either.
So, knowing all that, dog eat dog and survival of the fittest...cruel cruel world...and it is...you are right!
What can we do to make it a better place? For ourselves? For others we care about, and sometimes strangers?
How can we overcome the truth of this existance, and MAKE meaning, CREATE worth, LIVE to its fullest the days we are given?
We ALL have that same battle, those same existential questions of the meaning of life, our personal existance, our worth, drinker or not.
Life can be hard. It's hard for me too. I'm not going to tell you my personal problems, but I have a list that is long, and I would love it if some God on high gave me a big bank account, and solved all my problems.
Isn't going to happen.
But that doesn't mean life isn't worth fighting the good fight--things like "to thine own self be true (getting to know yourself), things like --Do unto others as you would have done to you (giving humanity dignity), things like working the best you can with the skills you have (personal integrity), things like putting up with pita relatives and making the best of it (they are not for me to judge lest I be), and finding beauty in a sunny day. Who needs more than those things? Gratefulness. Make a list. Today I am grateful that I woke up, for starters. Next, that I don't suffer from severe physical ailments, and can walk on my own two feet. Next that I have my mental faculties intact--I can think, if I so choose, even intelligently at times. I'm not a king or a queen, but I'm a player in this world, and I can play a role in it that I can be proud of.
It's not perfect. It's do-able though.
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Old 04-02-2013, 05:19 PM
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CeliaV thank you for mentioning googling Buddhism and resentment. I found a great website. 4 Powerful Tips to Reduce Resentment and Feel Happier | Tiny Buddha

And LexieCat I've already read Buddhism and the 12 steps. I didn't mean to ruffle anyone's feathers. I was just looking for some feedback. Thanks
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Old 04-02-2013, 07:48 PM
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JBird...I get the resentment, It will eat you alive...really this post probably could have been written by my XAH or a lot of our As.

I personally will say that Im glad that you posted here and got feedback instead of stewing and taking it out on others. At least you are aware that it needs to be addressed.

Good on you..
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