Hayfmr

My bipolar AW of 26 years continues to amaze me at how much effort she will put into obtaining alcohol. We live in the country. 6 miles to the closest store. We were supposed to have a family Easter get together but the kids refused to come home because she is on a 4 week long binge. I got fed up today and before I left to go spend the day with the kids I disabled the cars. She has the keys hidden for her car so I let all the air out of 2 tires. Didn't stop her. When I got home I discovered she had driven on the flat tires till they were completely ruined. She had to have a tow truck bring the car home. I was mad so I left for the evening. Coming home I discovered that she had a taxi bringing her home from a booze run. Well at least this way she won't kill someone innocent. If she would put half the effort into taking care of herself that she puts into drinking she would be cured.

Tommorow I am calling the lawyer to setup an appointment. The divorce can't come soon enough.

BoxinRotz

It's enough to make you sick!

Justfor1

Alcoholics will go to any lengths to get booze. The truth is whether or not one buys into that "alcoholism is a disease" concept withdrawing from a 4 week bender is a medical problem. She probably needs a medical type withdrawal with the proper medication. The fact that she drove on two flat tires is incredible but it is not all that surprising.

Tuffgirl

Why are you trying to prevent her from not driving?

With all due respect, hayfmr, it seems you set both of you up on this one. First of all, she is an alcoholic. She is just doing what alcoholics do. They drink. A lot!

So now you are out the cost and hassle of new tires and she still drank. What did that accomplish?

P.S. Al-Anon can help you learn to detach instead of trying to control. Just sayin'.

Recovering2

There is nothing that will stop an A from obtaining their alcohol. The hard part for us is to detach from their behaviors and let them do what they will do. That means we don't pour out booze, don't hide keys, don't let air out of tires, etc. All those behaviors do is keep us in the spin cycle, it doesn't stop the A. We have to learn to get out of their way and let them choose their path. In the meantime, we choose ours. I don't know if you attend AlAnon, but that's a great place for you to sort this out.

choublak

I'm surprised she didn't ruin the wheels, driving on the flat tires.

Hayfmr

She likely has ruined the wheels. I have not looked yet. I don't care bout the cost because she is going to get the car in the upcoming divorce. Will be her problem.

The only reason I tried to dry her out was so that our daughters could have a discussion with their mother before they go home while she is not drunk. Didn't work. Looks like she is bound and determined to drink herself to death. Only she can stop it.

I am also concerned about the liability if she get into an accident when drunk, and worse yet if she hurts someone innocent. So part of the reason if to protect the public from her.

Hammer

Impressive. On both sides.

Well one thing we know -- she aint no quitter!

Admit defeat and buy her a still.

Hayfmr

Well one thing we know -- she aint no quitter!

Admit defeat and buy her a still.

[/QUOTE]


Now thats funny and made my day. Maybe I should just go buy her a case of vodka so she stays off the road.

choublak

I think you can call the police if she's out driving drunk, and they will come pick her up.

Recovering2

You really can't protect anyone from anything right now, that's the tough part. My RABF used to leave in his car drunk every day. I made myself crazy about it. Hid the keys, etc to try and stop him. I soon realized (with counseling) that is was his consequences if anything happened. I'm not his personal cop. I had to Let go and Let God. I put him in God's hands. Well, he rear ended someone. Thankfully, no one was hurt (that was my prayer). Of course, he then wanted my help. I refused to get involved in any way. The walls closed in on him, and he finally surrendered to treatment. If I had continued to get in the way, he may have continued drinking. I had to get out of the way, and let things happen as they would.
Not saying what you should do (I try to avoid the word "should"), just sharing my experience.

HopefulmomtoD

This is one of the problems I see with living with an alcoholic actively drinking. You can not control their drinking- but, feel a moral obligation to the public when you know they drink and drive. I understand, I'd feel the same way.

I think my conscience would feel better if I notified the local police authorities that 1. my wife is an alcoholic and 2. she frequently drives drunk

Tuffgirl

And this, hayfmr, is all you can do about her driving while intoxicated. It isn't your responsibility to "dry her out". Your kids, I'm sure, are well aware of what is going on, and don't expect you to do this either. I know I certainly don't expect my Father to keep my Mother from being mentally ill. Or force her meds down her throat.

I know it is chaos, but it can be only her chaos if you stand back and let it be that way. Get out of her way. Stop protecting her from her own consequences.That's what enabling is...trying to control someone else's consequences for their own decisions.

Al-Anon, hayfmr. Save your own sanity here. Cause those kids, no matter how old, need at least one functioning parent in their lives.

atalose

[QUOTE][/Tommorow I am calling the lawyer to setup an appointment. The divorce can't come soon enough.QUOTE]

sad but good you are going to seek professional advise on divorce and get immediate advise on finances, liability and car insurance with her driving, etc. Cover yourself and your assets as best you can right now.

I would recommend you try and find an al-anon meeting in your area snd give it a try.

Justfor1

Sadly, here in Chicago at least, the police wouldn't even really bother looking for a drunk driving family member. Has she had any legal problems with booze? I ask because she has been sober for periods & alcoholics tend to stay sober to stay out of jail. If she was sober, for herself, than that is a sign that she does have the ability to get sober even if it looks like a hopeless situation right now.

Hayfmr

Yes she has been sober. Went 7 years without drinking once. Untill last November she had been dry for 15 months.

She has had one DWI that she went deffered on. Stayed sober for 7 yearsw after that experience. I sure wish she would get busted again.

I have been thinking about a new tactic today. Buy her a case of Vodkan and a carton of cigs. That way she won't be driving to the store. I used to consider that enabeling and would have never even considered the idea. Now I am begging to think it mught be a great way to limit my liability by keeping her off the road. Either way she is either going to quit or eventully drink herself to death.