choublak

Back when my boyfriend was drinking and in denial, he would frequently ask me, "Even if I did have a drinking problem, how would it affect you? Would it make you fail out of school?"

Why even bother asking these questions?

Tamerua

Yuck. To prove that his drinking, which he didn't consider a problem, only affected him. Obviously not true but the drinker's brain can be have convoluted logic at times.

choublak

But that would prove the exact opposite, because obviously the other person would have a list of ways that it does.

thislonelygirl

To justify it.
Plain and simple.
Theyll say "well my drinking effects me not you"
And ofcourse theres the case of the yets ie
"Well im not homeless yet" "dont have liver problems yet"
Addiction effects everyone.

thislonelygirl

It doesnt matter the number of reasons the drinking effected another person nor does it matter the number of ways its effected the alcoholic. Theyll find just one reason to drink and one reason its not so bad or doesnt hurt others to keep it

BoxinRotz

My AH asks me all the time if and how his drinking affects me and when I tell him, he shrugs it off when he's drinking! He would never ask me this question sober.

Tamerua

You're right, most people would. And you could give them a list and they would probably come back and say how that is all you. It is convoluted. There isn't logic or a good answer to why unfortunately.

LexieCat

That sounds more like a rhetorical question than one he really wanted an answer to.

It's like saying, "Will it kill you if I have a drink?"

choublak

"No, but it will kill you."

Not that it wouldn't fall on deaf ears anyway

soberlicious

My question to you is, why even bother answering those questions?

choublak

I'd brought it up. Back then I thought binge drinking was just a hobby. I didn't realize it was a phase of alcoholism.

CeciliaV

I told my AH the other day that I realize this struggle is hard for him, but he has NO IDEA how hard it is for me. And he truly doesn't.

And while my husband's alcoholism didn't make me fail out of school, it stressed me out enough (along with FT work + FT school for far too long) to essentially quit and put finishing my masters on hold.