petmagnet

I need help on this. I am so upset today. I have detatched from my AH to the point that I don't really care what he does, as long as it doesn't involve me. We are basically roommates in the same house. I emotionally have nothing left to give due to the dissapointments. This week he went into work then drank every night at the bar after leaving work. He completely ignores me and the kids exist at home to get his fix at the bar and then finally comes home at 12:30 to fall into bed. I sleep in another room so I don't have to deal with him pawing at me or waking me up.

So, today is my birthday, and suddenly he wants to take me out, rented a hotel room, got concert tickets...When he hardly gives me a thought the rest of the time. Say's he wants to show me how appreciated I am. It makes me want to physically gag when I hear that. I'm supposed to jump at the chance to be with him and go out, play like we have some fantatic, normal relationship not ravaged by alcoholism. I feel like all I want to do is let the day go by. I want nothing from him. A happy birthday would have sufficed. I don't do things with him anymore because it usually involves drinking on some level, to keep myself from getting hurt or building false hope, and to keep from enabling him in some way or seeming like I approve. If he does go out with me and deliberately doesn't drink it's still awkward because I know it's not genuine. It's just to get what he wants that night. ( I know..I am never happy right?)

I am so messed up right now. I don't know how to handle it when he wants to spend time with me, but stay detached if I did go out. I swear this is impossible. This isn't a normal marriage. I'm detached until he actually wants/trys to get me to be "involved". I freak out and feel cornered. I know I am the one who is supposed to control the way I react or feel, and make my own happy, and seperate the person from the disease, but this sucks bad today.

dandylion

petmagnet---you are going to have to learn to get over the "guilt" of offending his feelings.

Of course, your current living situation is not a comfortable or "happy" one. This is just the reality.

I would say something short and sweet, like: "Thanks for the offer--but, I am sorry...that ship has already sailed. Then, leave it alone.....no long discussion of the subject. Maybe, plan an evening out--on your own. No use pretending the situation is what it is n ot!!

sincerely, dandylion

firebolt

That blows and I don't have any advice I'm sorry you get to deal with that today...and I can empathize. Mostly, I just want to give a sincere wish that you have a happy birthday despite!

AnvilheadII

is it even a concert that you would choose to attend on your own?

if ya don't wanna go, then don't go. that's the thing about GIFTS - we are under NO obligation to accept them.

it's YOUR birthday, spend exactly as YOU wish.
:day1

CAgirl9

Happy Birthday!! I'm so sorry you are going through this. I'm still pretty new to this forum but the only thing I would say is to do what you want to do today. Treat yourself or spend it with people that you want to be with.